not again

am i reachin again?
am i wrong?
my minds at a loss.
do i need this?
my hearts seems to be fooled.
pushed and bein pulled.
not again.
i cant take it anymore.
im tired of pickin it up off the floor.
misunderstood and out of context.
im comin undone.
once again im not havin much fun.
im no longer me yet again.
holdin tongues wisdom.
slobberin on love.
puttin it back for my own gain.
im becomin who im runnin from.
alone and done.
im confused and waitin.
whats goin on?
feels like im bein scorned.
and i cant seem to it let go.
death grip squeezed.
fists clinched in a dead freeze.
im turnin yet again.
things to be lived with.
and others unable to be dealt with.
insides touched by poison.
sinkin n killin.
everything thats fillin.
this is not me.
unaccepted as lips fly.
its been a while since i said goodbye.
hearin the sounds of imperfections.
and i never claimed to be flawless.
poked and pissed.
tweaked into what i am not.
i refuse.
becomin a muse?
maybe its me.
growin older and colder.
about to turn another shoulder.
knowin what im wantin.
unwillin to settle.
waters burnin in this kettle.
yet im here.
with patience.
listenin in silence.
tryin to love in my time.
and again im opened to the musical cords.
hearin notes and wantin more.