Odd man out...

I jus am for I don't know how else to be. Living is a thing I do when I escape my dreams. I'm nothing special to the naked eye that eventually looks away. As I truly don't wanna be recognized as a name. Different I am in ways that most don't understand. Complicating relations on the matter of not having a number one fan. Stubborn is what I'm called when there's things I refuse to accept in my life. I believe that ones own defines the character wanting more than a hype. Loose I live to the indescribable crave to open up. Yet the conflict of connectivity always sides with eyes that have been hushed. Deeper I go into depths but I don't want another to friend within me. Emotions do to much n lose the whole sense of self wanting to breathe. I'm no one to anyone bcuz I know it'll take for me to come out n play. I just can't say much on it for chameleons pretending to be fate. My thoughts are heavy and my pulse is weak n faint. As there's more to a woman than exploiting her in between the sheets. So I drift as a loner longing to find a home. I'm no stray but I am lost without the desperation of hope. As in the real world I can relate to the facts as they come. But in my dreams I'm free to luv without the tsunami raping my shores of the beauty I cannot remember when I awaken as such. N even though I'm a lil of a bit of a mystery I'm confused on how others aren't capable to adapt to what life has to offer. As relations aren't what they seem to be into so it's an ease for me to not have a need to walk down the alter. Although I am a human that smiles bcuz I am alive. Even though I'm the first one to waste huge portions of my time. Digging into my downtime I simply want a friend that'll never leave. But it ain't so easy when I am the me they seek. Guarded n alert as I will figure them out. As it could even be situational as that deciphers the coming n going beneath the clouds. Special I could never be for I'm too humble to me arrogant. N fit the life of me I don't know which way the old me went...