morning moments together...

i just wanna see you standing there in the kitchen in one of my shirt and nothing else on. fiddling with the coffee pot as my crave for u deepens forever more. as beautiful in your rawest form that you could ever be. setting me free from myself like you stepped outta my most sacred dreams. smiling back at me with the grin followed with a look that touched my heart. waking my emotions up early knowing they're gonna last all day for the moment of us means no harm. i wanna sit with you in the morning air and sip the heat from the cup that helps you begin your day. with your hair still a mess from last nights entanglements and a peaceful calm expressed upon your face. just to witness life come together with you willing to stick around is what i want. piecing together moments lived in and not just made to say we're in luv. i'd enjoy opening my eyes to see you stirring the sugar into a swirl. watching your lips wrap the rim of your favorite mug for a taste before acknowledging the world. taking a moment to gather self with me in total contentment as we allow the morning to move slow. damn, you're so much more than a visual and honestly i just wanna go home. to be as is in morning moments together doing what we do. because there's just something about you that makes me pulse move. quietly kept i think of you smelling the aroma rising to your nose inches from the pleasure in the split second. and i'm some what jealous of the thought due to you're so much more than i have ever reckoned. i just wanna be there sharing with you what no one else will ever get to see. living because we found the answer moving outta the way for us to get closer than air blowing as the breeze. as i put the creamer back in the fridge and kiss you for the first time each and every day. i just wanna be your person as you transform the look upon my face...

Choose...

Walk through my mind as if u are comfortably at home. U might just realize it isn't the walls talking for u are not alone. I have a head on my shoulders n the door id open just for u. No keys are necessary just come on in n watch how my thoughts move. U just may smile with a chuckle one u witness we ain't so much different after all. As my imagination is exposed of what i think of u everyone coming to a pause. Drift with me sittin the space I beret between my ears n relax. The visual of u truly getting to me u will see as y'all content is intact. Thrillevery single fetal ur free to explore everything it is i hide behind my eyes. It's just my way of getting u to come too terms of it is u that i choose to my life.a you'll feel me in true form when u find yourself going lower into the makings of my chest. Where my heart quietly whispers with pulses rushing to the emotion aimed directly at u. N thid is all above the waste for the hungar to wrap u in my arms is an endless crave eager to move. So the journey id urs if u choose to find depths sippin to be seen. We can be the real thing of an afterthought of a dream...

Lone wolf...

I've been with so many but there's so fee i like. As they all categorize differently in my mind. Seems the ones i want the most i havta cut loose. N every time it feels aa if i set my heart up to dangle in a noose. Aa it's getting harder to open up to another's luv. Buried is i in the sane outcome lost in the hush. Never to enjoy memories made for two. No matter the reason relations fell through. The pages read a of a man who Cabot get it right. N I've Neville numb to the belief of my kinda rare is not something that's mine. Leaving a sadness to remind me of better days emptied n hollow. My guess is friends are more difficult to make than that of luv'rs who eventually get bothered. Changing coarse before the good shit every takes place. As yrs go workout the visual of a so called friendly face. Situations are what they are as i too have had to decide to step back. Creating a deeper depth to an endless past. N what comes of it all is the question yet to find the facts that remain. With an unsettled defiance that refuses to allow emotion to go to waste. The inne makings was live. But it's hard to believe in tongues that flip. Twisting every word spoken until it's so far outta context worth fades. Losing yet again hopr that stands confused to why there's a use for games.

On my mind...

Honestly, I'd luv to go down n rise to fuck u. But getting too close you'd feel my truths. Of how I'd come to a slow pause. To be wrapped up in arms without the digging of claws. Knowing there'd be no need too shred the back open to get to my heart. For beyond physical attractions rests a crave i speak of. Bcuz in a moment alone lusts would rapidly evolve into luv. Instantaneously as i touch ur skin i wouldn't be able to hide the real me. Leaning into ur presence as a partner set the fuck free. From depths that have captured my secret of who i am with u on my mind. N there's a good chance you'd never know of the thrill that spikes my pulse thinking of u in my life. Yeah, I'd do things to sexually bring the inner u out for sure. Although it's deeper than i can swim in ur sexuality while chasing u onto the floor. So the hush does its thing as i play in the shallows so well. Bcuz i know if you'd ever look me in the eyes I'd fall as i fell. Collapsing to ur submission of giving me what i truly seek. To be luv'd by u n no other is a consistent dream. A thought that consumes emotion wanting out of the chest. To grind slow enough to be felt before the beast is released n expectations are met. I'd live on my knees only to please ur desires if i could. For if i was ur equal my mind could fine peace like it should. Giving u every part of me hidden n tucked away. Whether it be the rush of hormones tossing u about or sitting with us as friends. N it would be this way until death becomes our end...

Non existant...

I don't get around much anymore. Kinda left the games to the upcoming whores. Guess i felt it was their turn to play. But they'll never get it in the way i could'nt be tamed. Without a lie slipping from my lips i spoke the truth. Had my fun n gave pleasure to those who needed to cut loose. As it's been some time that I've juggled females with a smile. Knowing damn well not a one of us set out to gain relations to be worth while. But the snippidy snippers snipped strings attaching themselves to pieces of me. For there was nothing beyond the physical attraction that set me free. N it's even been yrs since I've gotten out n about to see what's what. The minds been too busy to attempt anything that partains to trust. As the moment of the loner is passing like a phase swept away with the breeze. With thoughts switching momentum to access capabilities hidden deep within daydreams. I've become a dreamer reminiscing of prior entanglements that were oh so good. As my eyes close to take a look. Cheap thrills n ex luv'rs gather in the memories in my time alone. Making me wonder if I'll ever find a place called home. Triggering intent to be honest with self before it's too late. But i don't wanna go back too multiple friends sitting on my face. I'm reserving that space for someone special to ride until her hormones can't take no more. But i haven't stepped into the light of day for anyone to catch a glimpse of who i really am. I can go right or left n be content if it's sex i seek coming from the core. Although this isn't the old me mingling in the crowd gripping a squeeze. Even though it would be nice to hold on to just one like she was never to leave. But as i sit mentally recalling the transformation yet to break one the fuck off. I just i haven't opened the door to breathe the fresh air bcuz i don't wanna get lost. The temptations are real i must admit but i don't wanna do anyone wrong if i make a move. Nothings changed in that aspect about me so I'll try to build up the nerve to live n play a lil peekaboo. Yet i need not to believe in the lusts that once consumed my heart. I'll need a lil something more than a flickerin spark in the dark. Or it just may be old ways is all there is. Being the let down with everything about me to give...

Now is a thing...

I've already had my dream girl n now i stand looking back at this world like what's next. It's not what others wanna hear but the truth is best when I'm free to give me as is n not what's left. Willing to show up n show out to gain something real for once. If u cannot relate to it maybe there's something within u that's still on the hush. Bcuz I've played with my fantasies n now know what it is i like. N a friend means more to the mind than the heart could ever define. I'm just being honest while u think I'm full of shit. I've been there n done deeds n now I'm back to live with the sound of the pecks that kiss. Wondering who in the fuck triggers deep intent on levels untold. So chuckle up a breath wasted on me sifting until i identify home. Moving with the feel of tight snugs loosening the thrill to evolve. Provoking desires to come to a moan with me not being able to get enough of life finally solved. Falling in n under the surface where fingers cannot reach. Although they lead the way for compatibility to create the scene. Dipping into the chest searchin for the tickle of the ribs with every stroke. I've come back to the now just to say i no longer wanna be alone. N nah, i don't feel the urge to drift with luv'rs that come n go. So lets leave be what I've done with others n listen to the tongues unique tone. Stroking thoughts the way they were meant to be freed. As eyes roll up in the head when the down n dirty gives pleasure from the knees. Oh u don't believe a fella speaking from the inside out? Then don't n keep on hating every good one that comes along trying to adapt to ur frown. Ain't my worry n one less task I'll havta deal with that is not of my own. Like i said, I'm solid with who i am as I'm n in my zone. I as able to step into my lane n walk it like i matter the most. But I'm also eager to know if a lil sum sum is tempted to put down her phone. Maybe take a peek at some flesh shedding clothes instead not skin. Damn I'd ware her all night n three times a day if paths were to refused to return to where they've been. Telling it like it is so i know where i stand. Hey you! I think i could be ur biggest fan...

the pieces of square one struggling...

emptied n drained n unable to feel anything. the sound of the hollow is as silent as aches without wings. trapped within to remain as the ends lost in depths. living with what's left for the mind to pick at as if self has failed the test. refusing to come back to life slowly becomes the void needed to never be hurt again. n it clings to the heart 's fame that used to be luv like a insane fan. motionless is emotions as the idle wondering where the spark went. as mirrors hung gives the loner someone to talk to once the pain is done with its vent. fading with a lil time spent with no one close enough to touch the fool. the bottomless pit only allows what can never be to land believing luv is just a tool. one in which the fakes brief moments caught in thoughts that turn into memories that will never rest. n what's left behind is the grief that shelters the feel until hope is no longer a need buried in the chest. lost drifts just before the awakening of the solo act hiding behind the guard others call a wall. but it's there where safe seems to resurrect a smile prior to not knowing how to truly revive the interest it takes to stand tall. as brave as the fear that captures the forsaken intent. thinking how does one get back to the simplicity of holding on to what is more than lent. forgotten is the phase needing to be broken like the shattered pieces that rearranged life some time ago. curios to know is the correction of wanting to go home. a place where rambles in the dark aren't echoes bouncing off the walls to be heard. followed by a voice with its own words. back to square one n confused is the best that can be said to described what tugs on the war beneath the surface causing such a fuss. damn near rubbing the nose in how self let go a lil to much to ever create a rush. with no movement in the pulse to vibe to nights are so difficult to get through in one piece. as each fragment is gathered come mornings shine so a way can rise to breathe.

The book of self...

Ending chapters is like beginning new ends. In the reverse sense of giving life to grins. Friends take part in portions as the come n go. As words without tones capture the story verbally shown. Luv'rs tell tales of the heart n then the pages flip one by one. Finding a different scenario falling in n straight through luv. Pieces of self gained is through lessons made. Decisions written on paper is jotted down to be saved. In a read along that's lip syncing at ores finest. As highest of highs encounter the lows of being at times more than lifeless. In individual memories shared there's moments that define characters from character on display. Lost within the way fingers touch the surface holding letters together. Hope speaks as if a mute of wanting to last forever. In between each n every line there's a truth told in the fine print. The trick to a better ending is to actually live. To come alive with the way the tongue plays with the syllables before it's too late. Enjoying the flavor spiced up with a lil fun on the way it tastes.

Living in disbelief...

What is happiness when fear claims the heart? With a simmer of life still left with a shell that tensions chard. Affraid with the belief that everyone will betray u. It's just a matter of time before depths are dragged by the noose. Hung u0 on display for another knife carving dumbazz in the back. Aa the disbelief in studying lasting past the passing of laughs. Where is home supposed to be when self is lost n looking at this fake azz world alone?  With a tear tugging on worth as if self will never be good enough to enjoy hope. Is there some sorta trick to convince the mind to smile without doubt whispering don't trust it in the ear? Belittling the inner makings keeps self the safest as the had never hasta turn to see what's coming up from the rear. Why is there so much useless weight in the chest? As the none believer within falls into the dwell of loneliness. It hurts to have everything to give but yet feel the loss before the beginning ever takes place. Louie a friend cab never made no matter the intent shown standing face to face. Does life twist us all from the feeling of losing interest in others in ways we drift into boredom? Or is it just me being petrified of allowing another to play with what i cannot get to come undone? Hiding behind the hopelessness n making it look good so no one is ever witness to the monster elusive enough to not appear. As if a shadow in the night escaping the spotlight but not the mirror. It seems reflections of expressions show so often it's better to regain isolated until the body expires. N the pain in saying it bulds a cry deep in the core that's trapped n burning in the fire. Nothing i can do makes me happy as u run everyone off. N there's nothing wrong with me other than the consistency of me calling bs on the same ol shit fed to me raw. N the round about thought price process takes a toll on the mood locked on the other suede of closed doors. As i speak honestly with self as i too want more. I do desire someone who finds me reaching out. To never shy away or eventually want something else that with me just cannot be found. N i ask myself, who am i but in the way of others? With nowhere to fit in n not one person to open the gates as if to be more than a luv'r. When will the tension ever rest for my truths to be free? So i can get back to being me...

The real Butch..

I'd trade fb for a good but naughty lil friend. So i can find my way back to the good life where i don't feel so different. Puttin fakebook down for someone real for a change. In the flesh n waking to the same cute face. Simply return to the hush life as if i do not exist. Where lips find mine suckin on a kiss. Able to feel the comfort when she walks into the room. Feeling a lil something going on beneath the skin that makes my smile move. It would be better than what I've forced myself to become accustom to. I've been found my self n yet the linger of being lost still claims my use. So just to hear a lil sum sum shift her tone. I'd give up on the boredom n accept I'd prolly never be left alone. Listening to the chatter until jabber jaws was ready to rest. Always having the creature she is clinging to me bcuz she's most comfy on my chest. As social media has nothing on a truth getting it in in the real world. It doesn't have the necessities to matter the way single becomes plural. Even in the silent moments where chillin is just laying around. As one in the same tougher n thankful asf that two hearts can sync up n bounce. The popular vote can have the silliness everyone makes up once i lean in to a lifetime shared. For the malarkey to exchange chuckles online i would no longer care. It ain't real so it's pointless in my eyes seeking to look away into the definition of free. It's just a place where everyone can actually hide in plain sight without ever coming out to be seen. I'd rather touch someone with a grope followed up with a stroke she'd crave. Giving her a reason to get attached to the way she caters to my name. Interacting with more than a screen that changes with the flick of a thumb. There's no hype, no thrill n no rush in having to keep self on hush. I'd gain more walking away from all the make believe nonsense with a hand in mine. Off to where we cannot be found to go n live life. But the strangest thing is what I'd want is rare. N i cannot speak of it due to chameleons pretend to play fair...

On the up...

Lights dimmed n sippin enjoyin the night. Sittin with a cutie with some real fuckin likes. Smiles poppin off that can't be restrained.  Jus one more reason not to play any games. As convo speaks into whipser with the mood. Closer in the moment feeling the groove. Music playin melodies vibin with sighs slippin out. There's no hiding the facts of how she eases the mind. With a chuckle here n a flitation stare every so often. There's no rush for the heart is blind to soften. It's the look on her eyes peepin up n down. Watching my mouth lip sync sound. Movements reach for touches to feel a connection. Witness to how the thrill creates affection. The walls fall further to the morning the interaction gets. Tickling a true sense of humor being life you the ribs. With bare feet on the lap trying to turn the bottom of the bottle up. The grope on the toes to the heal must be rubbed. N oh the satisfaction to be accepted by such a creature. Someone a lil different in which There's not much i could possibly teach her. As she's in her zone pulsating with me on her mind. Trickling into her chest n pushing aside the hype. Damn her smurk identifies my desires are weak. She sees me i true form as if I'm living a dream. Softly caressing her skin with my fingertips. Jus chillin, wanting to relax with a twist. Making it up to her thigh i pause so time can drag into that initial first kiss. Buildin the suspence for the capture of the heart. She's the type kitten as a special work of art. Able to counter sarcastic laughter to see if i can keep up. If I'm around her long enough the more I'd fall in luv. But words wait their turn bcuz there's so much to know. I'm jus findin where i fit in to her hope. As the last glass becomes empty causing an uncontrolable need of plaesure. N that's my que to dive in to find the sunken treasure. As kisses slide across the cheek to the neck. Hands grabbing at her waist for the full affect. Freeing her from being enslaved by clothes. Allowing me to catch a breath in between her moans. Alone we act like animals as natural as intent could ever be. But there was even more than being down on our knees. As sweat rolled as it was tasted upon the tongue. Her's twirled as good as mine when coming undone. The flames grew as if we could see in the dark. Feeling our way around each other becoming the spark. Deeper n harder n wetter the feel we craved. Nibbling on breasts n squeezing throats demanding to be tammed. With a tugging of the hair she was mine to have. But lil fours she know i was hers before she ever agreed to be had. With her scent leading the way. N the way she purposely said my name. I was a gonner prior to the thrusts stroking every inch. Holding out just long enough to get it together with a clinching grip. As still as the bed waiting for us to collapse. The night have in to the morning that finally elapsed. Tightly embracing what we've missed for ever as it seemed. Jus laying there in silence fallin asleep.

5,000 ways...

Touch me n I'll tell u if i feel that shit. It's not likely but I'll be honest if u can accept every syllable that comes from my lips. For one found wear i wad looking fur some time ago. Or so i thought as yrs gone past has humbled me in my moments alone. Reach out n grope my skin. Bit do it in a way that makes my nerves pause. Damn near in shock to the interacting as if u crumbled my walls. I'm not gonna tell u what u wanna hear. Nor fake the mood to fit myself into ur panties falling to pull u near. I'm a bit diffetent I'm many ways. N yeah there's something I'm awaiting to correct the display upon my face. U may do for a whole or possibly sink in. But how will we ever know if contact isn't allowed to live? I know rejection hurts but to try is a matter of giving it a go. N i believe everyone somewhere has a home. So use ur finger n try to put a print on my heart. See id ur hand can get beneath the surface to shutboff all the alarms. Changes is whatbi can admit needs to give way. Unless ur affraid of losing at the attempt it takes to create a smile upon my face. Bcuz it might be me that doesn't fit in ur world. Even if i craved the exlerience to enjoy an us as i hold only ur hand as my girl. Felt is mutual n i just may br the one in the wind. Neva know so what's up with finding out with the the way we live? I could shun u n make u feel as if ur not good enough but it wouldn't be my intent. But in return the end of trying could be u laughing as u turn on unless time spent. Or things could enjoy a horizon lifting us into a new day claiming what's meant. Butvfuck the emotional aspect if there's not a friend to gain. Honest is best when relatimg to the mood of the m moment looking to last beyond the hyoes fame. In 5,000 ways to say i could use someone to ease my mind. There's a rebelion to believe the game is too much to feed into. But if u somehow u fill the void as in u make inner makings move. Damn u in a sense of it's about time. As it takes two to collaborate truthfully for a piece of mind. Worth one after another resins of why we can't leave each other alone. N if it's a no, there's no hard feelings bcuz we are grown. My thought is it Congress down ti do we want what we're used to or something new? Even if u don't look my way, i live loose. Moving to the vibe of what's good for me. The same way ur patience play with ur own defined curiosities....

This is 5,000 writings/diddles as i call them...

On this porch...

Sit on down. Lets talk. To be ourselves for a bit. Remove ur walls. Open the doors to ur mind. Relate beyond limits. On topics that reach for more. Tell it line it is. On this porch just wasting time. For the moment to find its way. Breathe. Trust in a friendly face. Exposing the silliness that rambles. About whatever comes to thought. Free yourself. Just relax n naturally get lost. Away from everyday life. Watching the world do what it does. With no expectations other than the here n now. Speaking on things that u n i have hushed. To dreams flowing into jibberish that means nothing at all. Loosen up n verbalize ur sound. Feel the mood lighting ur presence wanting to be known. Live just long enough to come out. On this porch where nothing goes unsaid. Where what's spoken stays between u n i. Diving into depths n swimming upon realitues surface. I too would loke to be revived.