just being herself...

When she's got her shit together n has no need to perform as being crazy to gain unneeded attention just to fill an ego... Having no purpose trying to fit in with everyone else that all mingle to be whatever the crowd expects them to be... With a twisted sense of humor that doesn't need another to be entertained... When her mentality isn't anything less than her humbleness that refuses to be disrespected... With an understanding that she's more affective to get what she wants when she keeps her head over her heart... Never come outta character knowing a friendship is worth more than emotional outbursts... As she ain't average when the bedroom door closes by far...  Presenting herself in true form no matter what chameleon crosses her path... When her strength isn't a defense mechanism but a willingness to relate... It's when she needs no substances to cope with life due to she accepts what choices have brought her to be... As she's capable of feeling n able to walk away from anyone on some bs... There's just things about her that speak for themselves as she's no better or any less than anyone doing their thing... But to find such an individual who doesn't cling to wanting to change a fella isn't an easy task... But she herself knows people have their own journeys as they walk together for as long as it lasts... As others claim to be all n the above yet there's not many on her level without putting others down... she'd be the type i'll admit that's my kinda gal...

peekaboo...

looking without letting it be known. eyes wandering from face to face seeking that stare of hope. mind on a prowl taking notice in who is who. piecing together a curiosity so that heart can move. adjusting to the thrill of another wanting a true friend. silently i watch from afar so too soon doesn't interrupt luv trying to contend.  the wait ha been long. the loneliness was prolonged. needing to understand what self is and how composure is maintained. for i too crave something real to be gained. as intact and well rounded i believe i've become. but my tongue is hushed. actions still halted lingering just outta reach. but her i am loosening to the thought to hear a sigh breathe. patiently i await the whispers crawling across pillows wanting to talk. giving moments of my life to comfort a reason to pause. to ease back and claim seconds for memories to come to life. but imma havta accept another in the flesh when lips move to say hi.

only with you...

comforted by just you. at peace with my eyes closed just feeling your fingers move. releasing me from within as i drop my guard. giving a shhhhh to settle my will in your arms. sinking into a piece of mind i've never known. able to accept someone like i've never shown. as one with the moment touched to be saved from self. as my friend you are the calm that helps. pulling me closer to safety's embrace. with your body motionless i lay. claimed by the flow that soothes the beast. as your fingerprints feel my skin the ease the way i breathe. you're the magic that lingers in my heart. the irresistible creation holding me together. as movement rests upon you wanting the friendship to make it beyond forever. i lean into you with beliefs that have found a truth. not needing words to assure the truce. as your silence is all that's done me in. with you i am alive to live.

Reaching for u...

Appreciate me. Know i am just one outta so many that could be. In my own way. Jus wanting to remain. Loosening up to the feel of the wonder of what kinda friend u could become. Falling from egos into luv. Locked into a stare if you'd allow me to simply fill that void. Understand who it is i am still yet to know. Be the piece that that creates a peace so we can create a home. Jus be free to accept me in which the way i come. Evolving to land in ur arms so i don't feel so fucikin alone. To that drift of a wonder that hides in our minds. Enjoy the details that conforts life. Im nothing more than a face u could get used to this i know. As i linger within ur grasp of who will it take to fulfill more than moans. See the inner makings wanting to be seen by the naked eye. From ur early mornings to the stillness of ur nights. I rasie my hand for the chance to be put to use. To feel the way u move. I'm more than u think i am. I just need someone to believe in the middle is the moment of truth u prolly ain't used to. As i havta admit it'll take a so called miracle for my heart to move. Although I'm feelin the way u vibe. N I'm telling u i cannot get u off my mind. N as mental as I've somehow become i have a lil something I've held in. It's ready to open the gates n live. To leave the solo act so far behind the imagination that cannot remember it ever existed. As i reach for u line i cannot resist it. With a thought of hope that awaits u in return.  Question is, to u, do i have a worth?

I can only wish.

I wish it were u who made time step aside. But life has its own way of teaching its reasons of why. It would be so nice if there were a way. N yet days come n go without a chance for luv to be saved. The thought of comfort alone settles my core. Although there's other factors that defy what can never be poured. Ur tucked into a no go zone in my mind. Forever to be a memory of hope wanting u in my life. Her today gone tomorrow is the story told in whispers that are never meant to be heard. As three lil words when directed towards u has so much worth. Only if there was a way to capture the moment that pulsates the heart. I'd give u every last detail of me line a work of art. There's just too much space in between where we belong. N that in it's own has inner makings feeling lost. Drifting as trapped images of ur smile that's never to be forgotten. Even though everything i wish we were is slowly rotting.

Don't go...

Unheard words of don't go to be flipped from the tongue in a moment of definitive clarity. As a pause adjusts to confirmation of truths leaping outta depths with a rare energy. Settling the wonder of tones shaped by lips that refuse to remain silent. In the do or die scenerio showing intent on another level so vibrant. Lusts step aside n likes transform into a crave of pick me. As the linger awaits a response to feel the fulfillment of the heart's dream. It's a leap at an end to bypass the parting of ways. To pour emotion out into a display for eyes to witness the escape. Racinreaching for luv before it slips off back into the crowd of strangers lerking about. With time ticking slowly patiently hoping for the answer the creates a happiness spoken out loud. Just prior to friends losing the good fight one last chance comes to soundwaves in a blurt. Don't go, is the chant that is like a fading echo struggling to be heard. Sending shockwaves to revive the ripples caught up in the confusion that exists. All for the one person that describes a reason to live...

Back to the questions...

What to do with too many miles in between the heart n who it is that has what it takes to ease its vibe? N how can long distance luv'rs ever coexist if lives live in different cities that are sar far apart the situation is shut down in the mind? Why does such a harsh reality drive its wedge on the middle having to let go of a friend? N when is the comfort of the unknown every gonna give in to a more reasonable end? Where is the gray area that actually plays fair emotion can come out n play? Who will be closer than distance traveled that can stand n deliver without all the overrated games? Is there no answer to seek if a leap cannot be the one thing within arms reach? N does the depths of relations havta cross where feet can't walk to have the creation of hopes need?

I faded...

I've luv'd in a way i handed another the reigns. Allowed myself to feel whatever came about n that's when i felt the pain. The erie twist within that changed me forever so it seems. As i no longer believe in relations being an actual need. Shit hurt too deep n it damn near felt as if i wasn't gonna overcome the ache. But when i came to i didn't quite look the same. My expressions were different as i had to get to know me all over again. Just to find myself thinking to myself on a beach with toes buried in the sand. Thoughts lingered with dreams that faded prior to the moment of sitting in disbelief. N it was my heart that made it hard to breathe. For it was the first time i realized everything i ever wanted to do has changed. The memory of new encounters were to be attached someone else's face. I opened up n dove into the future way too far. I seen it all n i wanted to do more than play the part. Yet i drift with a heart not knowing wtf normal couple ever be. Truth is what i desired turned n washed away from me. Leaving a void to possibilities i have no intent to comfort any time soon. Problem is idk where home is so i claim the moon. As the earth is my resting place no matter where i sleep. N i never thought I'd wander off without a diving thing to seek. It's just an empty road that leads to nowhere in the makings. But at least it isn't what's left of me up for the taking. Healed i am but lost fear is the hole i haven't been able to shut. N it all fell into play bcuz i couldn't help but to fall in luv. As i fell straight through n bounced to my feet. It took some yrs but look at me. I'm on the run trying to figure out what kinda life awaits me to settled down. With words hushed so no one can hear me make a sound. As from here to over there I'll find my around to adjusting once more. Sad thing is i believed by now I'd be happy but my mind has been on tour. Looking at cities n countrysides as i zoom on by. Scared that I'm wasting days n ill be too old when i sit still enough to tell another hi. I just don't wanna get caught up in the end of it all. It's much simpler to avoid all things that remove pictures from the walls. So for what it's worth this is not who i set out to be. I've just become dependent on me. Never giving in to the loss resting until it all comes crashing down. It sucks but this way of live is better than the eventual frawn. As i lie to myself here in these words no one will ever read. Knowing I'd rather enjoy living for the weekends then chase an endless greed. I'm bot me anymore n I'm not sure i like who it is I've become. It bothers me I'm missing out on so much fun. As even family n friends will come to know me a vague. All bcuz i faced from memories never made. N I'm turn between an opportunity to see what i prolly couldn't have n belong remembered as a ghost until i return. Which has more worth? It's likeI'm to busy fixing where everything went wrong to be a part of what i can never get back. But if i don't handle business how will i ever correct the facts? It consumes me to be this free as I'm trapped within. N all anyone else sees is my half hearted grin. Mountains have been crossed n desserts have been roamed. N yet i still feel totally fuckin alone. Sidestepping everything that isn't what i set out to do. I just hope when it's all said n done i can reclaim my natural mood. After slipping out the side door not known where to go. I honestly just want to go home...

Too high too fast too soon...

Letting them go so they can live their life. Knowing there's nothing self can give to ease their mind. In a mature state of respect one hasta watch them step away. As a friend that cannot walk with them along their way. Feeling hands slide to fingertips never to touch again. Having no need in causing pain the releaae is a ban. To forbid a continuation diggin in to the heart. Having to halt their intent damn near from the very start. For it is self that fell short of fulfilling dreams. Leaving them before they get to deep in needs. Self hasta save them from the evident twist. Bcuz there's no belief in self being able to surrender to a kiss. The emotional aspect's bar is simply set too high. N the fall would only destroy memories that take flight. So the end creeps in to say its peace. Letting down expectations as passion bleeds. Freeing them so they can find someone that fits the mood. Hoping they don't dwell too long lost in an empty room. For apologies never seem to define the drift. But it isn't like self wouldn't like to taste their lips. It's just a matter of they shouldn't depend on luv so much. It turns off the switch that lit up worlds muted to a hush. Self will help them escape before it's too late. Wasted time can never be regained. Tears will always clear the eyes. N they'll soon realize it was all a hype. From the beginning the wall stood intact. As the key was hidden within waiting on the facts. Interests vanished as if true expressions were rarely seen. Only coming alive to the fullest when locks were picked to free the freak. They just move too fast n fail to take a peek at the truth patiently sitting still. Forcing self to decide what's best when desires are spilled. In a moment to admit something went wrong. Somehow along the way the lil light went off... They dove too soon n it fucked things up. Why can't they just relax to find an us?

Spoken in true form...

Lets be honest n tell no lies. Speak on what will save the heart before it runs outta time. Straight to the chase where the running stops. Finding a way to open up as we slowly rot. Time moves so fast when it gets away. So in the moment with me imma need u to stay. To admit it is i that u are lost without. As my truths face every word meant from thy mouth. We havta settle the nerves or fade like a memory forgotten. Listening to the twist of thoughts justify as concoctions. To live is to adjust without ever returning to a prior way. So say how u will with the tone that sounds my name. As real as comfort makes sounds through a vibe. Press yourself against me n feel how u affect my life. Reaching for a friend the same as u do. Exposing cracks that lead to depths within u. There's a must in the presence to create a never ending luv. Spoken in true form flipped from the tongue. Naturally giving reasons to gestures loosening clinches. We need to know venom has no place in between us leaning into kisses. So speak it the way it needs to be said. Or we might as well go ahead n call next. For who we are hasn't a fake smile to be shown. If we are indeed more than just not wanting to be alone. Lemme hear u even if it's a whisper so soft. Gentle enough to touch me deeper than I've ever felt lost. To revive me is to redefine u in so many ways. As it's vice versa when igniting the flame. With a flicker sparking a conversation no longer waiting to be heard. Discribing worth with every letter of every word. Breaking free from restraints that's tied to solitude's endless drought. Sync with me n bring beauty to how emotion gets down. Pulsating n bouncing to a rhythm of us. Believing in how we are the definition of trust.

looking for a reset...

When one has been with so many others their faces cannot be remembered. Becoming a vague thought of oh yeah every now n again before the memory is to once again severed. All in doin so just trying to find a place for the heart to be content so time won't seem so long. So a home has pictures hung upon the wall that show what the mind doesn't havta forget in moments that pause. When one has found what it felt emotion couldn't do without as life was clear enough to see future until the end of time. Having to let go of tge ultimate luv n prior flings that never made it into the depths of core living in the eyes. As they close on a past n reopen to what's ahead where tears have no purpose on the run... Gaining grounds n losing the ability to feed into the absence of the thingy sought out to comfort what's been hushed... When the thrill fades from intent n free drifts into a transformation on the other side of no return. The never again mindset loosens up as an unfazed direction of chuckles due to lessons have been learned. As the linger of a new sense of reason makes more sense than the impossible relations that fell in a falling out along the way. Expressions have a different type of motion in how movement shifts away from tasting old luv'rs names. When alone settles the nerve on lonely nights not having to deal with another end to come too soon. The silence is a bit more peaceful as anywhere is a place yet to be seen chasing the moon. But yet how long can one believe better off is as solo as individual tires that roll off into untamed sunsets? Until the feel itself also is to shallow to swim beneath the skies lit for not just one person to witness the display it too resets.