Is she with me or not?
Today this what I asked my wife.
R we gonna do this for we have the opportunity to get it started.
N again expressing we have a way to rebuild our life.
N I waited.........
No answer, no reply.
Jus an (I cant).
As I went on to tell her we will never know if we don't try!
Can't is not an answer, yes or no is.
Is it us for life like we said all this time having fun?
Ashes mixed together forever?
Eternal luv showing his world we r as one.
So I politely mentioned its yes or no.
Silence muted my hearts thump.
Felt myself shut completely down.
The luv of my life is on the run.
Ignoring me once again when it's a life situation.
Proving me me where I truly stand.
I've been there for u since day one luv.
But I think it's time u see me walk away like a man.
For I tried ti call u n u text I'm on the phone.
So I called back jus to make sure where u stood.
Phone was off!
I luv'd like a man luv'n a woman should.
N now I have to think about where I am goin from here.
Without u is not my choice.
But it is over between us.
Before within us there's a raging war.
U see Iluv 1! Like I luv the air I breath.
N I hope we can remain friends.
I'd like to know if ur ok.
For I know now we were never truly best friends on ur end.
As I walk away from the only person I gave my all.
As a man til the last day I was there for u.
I never lied. Never cheated. U always got my best.
U made ur decision as I'm forced to turn away madly in luv with u!
But I asked u, r we married? Yes or no?
No answer for the one u call the luv of ur life.
Yet with help from some friends of mine.
I can honestly say I know what I am, n ur not by my side.
Goodbye MANDY! I wish u the world.
Seems we had our moment n u failed.
Gave up n jus flat out lead me to believe u.
Jus listen to the chorus of holy grail!
My work is done here 1!
I can not help u if u won't let me.
N I know it's ur 36th birthday n I have a present for u.
My gift to u is I'm setting u free.
Live ur life that I wasn't good enough for.
Its ok to find what it is u feel u need.
I'm grown ass man n I understand.
Yet now, jus maybe? I.can get u outta my dreams.....
I walked away for a reason untold on ur end!
Ilu MANDY! But i can not live in ur world.
Only if u knew!!!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
my gift to u on ur 36th birthday!!! ilu1!
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
life restin still
Mind pulling on the eyes. Lettin the head fall.
Givin up on the day. In the wee hours behind the walls.
There goes the fight. Fadin away from consciousness.
Out. Back to dreams made for escaping the irrelevance.
Life resting still. Freezin lifes swinging pendulum.
Down goes me. Agin into a slow rust.
Heavy lids. Closin on the sights for a bit.
Deep into nightmares n fairytales. Asleep I live.
Deep Rollin thoughts. Takin over realities attention.
Off I go to. To my very own reinvention.
Imma miss my surroundings. As words flow.
N jus after the G'night. Silence for hours holds.
no way
No title can express.
No words can relate.
No time is enough.
No moment unmade.
No passion not felt.
No experience ignored.
No way will luv fade.
No, I'm am here n need u even more.
No rest til the end.
No reason unheard.
No breath not taken.
No enjoyment slurred.
No claim not ment.
No comfort not rested.
No way I will turn.
No, I'm am here to be tested.
Opened as if my luv for u can not stay in.
With no way of containing my own grin.
Freed to show u there's more than enough room for u.
Within me as thy heart has found a use.
As pure as eyes that can not lie.
My luv for u refuses to hide.
No ur worth in my wills everyday routine.
Findin new ways to express to u this is the real me.
At ur service I cling to passions breath.
In between a kiss shared in the middle of the best.
The greatest luv this world has ever known.
As every moment thru me is shown.
U r the luv of my life.
N I'm here for u to ne witness of y I need u as my wife.
mixed ashes......
Thinkin. Of my end comin to soon.
Of how I wanna relax. Hidden from the sun n moon.
Lowered. Down of what's left for eyes.
Away with time. Rested after the fight.
Its been nice. Good n bad all in the same.
I had to go. At some point everyone fades.
In memory. I made my stand living on.
Remember me. I am n y I did wheat I was doin.
Set under. Layed soft enough for comfort.
Filled in hole. I'm still n smothered.
Away from my luv. Severeved from life.
Misplaced. Never to awaken to smiles alive.
Sent below sight. My name written in stone.
Nah. Burn me n wait so i'll never be alone.
Til ur day has come. Mixed ashes forever together.
With my best friend. As one with my chosen lover.
In our place. Closer than we've ever been.
It'll be us. Sharin an eternity with a shapeless grin.
Its our choice. So our luv will last past our presence.
No matter who goes first. To GOD it'll send a message.
Expressin thanx. For our chance to find worth.
In one an other. Past u there is no search.
Known as best friends. Husband n wife.
Showin this world it's possible. Once in this life.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
in between two lives
Leanin in the door frame from the position in which I stand.
Is it safe after so much wrong as been done to this man.
Lookin in from the outside tryin to find reasonin in comin home.
Will things change or is it time to honestly hit the road?
On the doorstep of balance holding my weight for me to see.
Can I trust in such a short time that my own is enough to need?
In middle of a pause at the back door so I can witness what's really goin on.
How am I suppose to know which way this relationship jus goin?
Peeking a looksie n scared to enter for I've been here before.
Is there any way of knowing to be 100% sure?
In between two lives in which I am to decide.
Can anyone tell me the answers I've asked in this time?
On foot in n shaking n other foot out n still.
Can the heart thaw before the freezing chill?
Lost on the putter side of the door the head moves in.
Searchin for a chance to make a positive decision.
I'm frightened of what's inside I left behind.
Cuz to be honest Idk what I'd find.
If I were to fall inward on a past I gave away.
Is it in my best interest for me to stay?
I'm caught dead center of walking in either direction.
N self I having to shield with a lonely protection.
Am I strong enough once in to know my choice is right?
Maybe I should jus disappear for the uncertainties r a constant fight.trapped in between two lives im in the middle of me.
Teeterin on choosing what life I need........
Monday, August 26, 2013
under time
Ticking away under time.
Rests life jus like mine.
Tryin to stand after every fall.
Stallin n creatin new flaws.
Correctin the humanity within.
Grinnin when able for where we''ve been.
Hands rotate our journey til the end.
Fendin for self we will never pretend.
Losing battles to win the war.
N the core always finds a way to need more.
Round n round we spin within moments.
N it's either fold it or hold it.
Bluffin our way here n there.
With a stare n without a care.
The unwindin support will soon come.
Run into the future n get what's ur before ur done.
unfortunate
Unreasonably in luv.
I fell to ur claim.
Head swallowed by thy heart.
N I am to blame.
Left lost n searching for me.
Findin I'm am a mess.
Yet I stand as a man rejected.
N everyday to u I mean less.
Gathering self is a must.
Growin into someone new.
As I was different before u n with u.
Words sound no longer the same of use.
One unfortunate turn of event.
Redirecting my self image.
Losin control to gain my will.
Jus a smear on my own as I am an unwanted leverage.
i am a man
Known by my past.
Experiences that les me to me.
I've been where I've gone.
Now in front of step from my feet.
That there, yeah that was me.
I did what I wanted.
My reputation took a blow.
Yet I'm here different.
Actions speaking in time.
Reflectin who I once was.
Still seen as my choices.
But I've taken of the gloves.
Back then I was good at the game.
Claimin followers tryin to get me.
Three strike rule n done.
Its what set me free.
One by one never turned down.
Tally marks engraved memories in the mind.
Easily I found a sweet spot anthem all.
Carefully I got my way every time.
Patience gave me pleasure without the chase.
Trippin on emotions wasn't my thing.
Come it go as u very week please.
I'd still be me as a friendly fling.
One two three faces changed.
Strikin em out n layn the wood.
I got a gift of a new redirection.
Much different now than I ever stood.
I gained control without needing it.
A twist none of em figured til I was done.
Yet I stand opposite in my shoes today.
Til I feel it's time to come undone.
The chance may be at hand for me to play.
For I chased one female in my life.
N when its done I'm out like the lights.
Gettin deep enough to be felt with my size.
Planted firmly for now I rest.
Wantin jus one to explore my own.
Never wanting to becomes what I was.
But if all else fails imma deal my growth.
Call me what u will for I am that good.
Settled down I'm wait for my one.
Watchin her figure my true angle.
N to be honest I'm having fun.
Its my way without asking cuz enough is never enough.
I'm give me in a way I'm craved.
Known by my skills before who I am.
That's y I am allowed to stay.
I am a man putting facts on the line.
Showin true self n daring the chance.
Laughing inside cuz I get what I want.
N only 8.5" of thrust is in my pants.
I'm well rounded o I'm easy to like.
Fake orgasms never roll off the tongue.
I know what I am n I am a good time.
N I have the real me hovering their mind.
Yeah I'm humble n yes I'm rare.
A man that's about it n pleases enjoyment.
In more ways than one I find my way.
Calmly weaving myself into he moment.
Desired for who I am I come with a package.
Many things make me the way I am.
Its that, that catches the eye.
Plucking out the one I want jus cuz I know I can.
I'm put on hold for one individual.
Relaxed n still giving it to her.
Not jus sexually I fit in to her day.
I jus told u I am a man that's as real as my word.
Faithful til the day the end has come.
N game time is on once again.
Bobbin thru the filters of easing back.
Findin an other if possible for shocking will stand.
the same of comin n goin
Comin n goin all at the same time.
One foot planted unwilling budge.
The other running away with my dreams.
N I'm in the middle of emotions holding a grudge.
Images scurry across the memory banks.
Lost on the doorstep clinging to my own.
Here I sit standing up all in the same.
Time has come to decide which way to go.
Lookin for a way out tryin to stay.
I'm a lost cause waiting for an answer from within.
One that won't speak to me for I am confused.
I gotta twisted fake expression showing thru my grin.
Untouched n left to self to figure my way.
With no direction Im as still as the night.
Motionless yet the inner me jus won't stop.
Where is the comfort I once known in this life.
Weakened by the silence of walls that will not talk.
Talkin to self I've come to the same response unheard.
Listenin to the echoes i can not make out bouncing inside my mind.
Stranded I am searching deep for the unused words.
Down I climb upside down n backwards severed from self.
In my core I can't feel me needing my own.
Lackin the understanding I'm torn from the pull ripped.
Tearin me from one end to the other ever so slow.
Pieces r misplaced n I seek to find the whole me.
Replacin bits with new lessons fitting jus right.
Never the same I realize Im sowing the seems.
Stitched together for the original pattern that I can not find.
Am I comin or goin with or without what I've known.
Steppin into the now of makin self as a new.
I feel a tick softly pound with pains on an unguided path.
Jus tryin everything I can jus to make due.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
takin my place
I walked into ur luv as it walk through me.
For I believed in u as if u knew me.
One in the same walking together in time.
I fell into u n let myself completely unwind.
N I found myself in this fuel unfortunate world.
Walkin alone into the arms of a truly ungrateful girl.
The realization puts a damper on my pain struck heart.
For I thought it was us from the beginnings leaping start.
I couldn't see u cuz my heart wouldn't allow it.
Yet forcefully I was to step back n I saw me bein treated like shit.
I've come to the terms of I'm good n Imma havta pass on us.
Yeah we r one in the same but ur bout self to the fullest.
Standing solo I roamed fighting for what?
U showed through actions I was unjustified words so blunt.
Of all people to release ur past upon.
Y me is a question followed by come on!
Stepping away I'm comforted by my choice of no longer choosing u.
For so long I've sat inside myself without a clue.
The pain n hurt riddled my confused mind.
Wonderin when am I gonna see the signs.
Lost in my last days craving u in my everyday.
I shut down n allowed u to drift in the winds stay.
Blown off into the distance far from my lonely reach.
I'm so far gone on u yet u destroyed a chance for two hearts that meet.
No way out I couldnt gather my thoughts.
Controlled by u I fell apart holdin on to what purpose of y I faught.
Now standing with my head clearing from the fog.
I've become someone I never thought I'd become.
Here in the flesh I no longer choose u in my life.
Friends don't do what u did so no we can't be in my mind.
I wasn't good enough to get the respect I deserved.
N the hurtful actions followed by unjustifiable words.
I'm out n I never wanna be at one with u again.
I'm takin my place in this world as a real man.
Done, finished, I've had my run of bein unappreciated.
To the point at one point I believe I was hated.
U turned on me time n time again without a reason.
I have played the roll n been the warmth within a chilled season.
U call it what u want for there r two sides.
Yet ur the one that has to live with ur actions as I say goodbye.
U wasted a luv that is still never ending to say the least.
But I refuse to live this way for it twists my very own beast.
Restraining my well bein of becoming what I am to be.
N I can't be ur superman n I apologize to u as I set me free.
U shoulda seen me for what I was tryin to do.
I was there when everyone else tried to hurt u.
U alone r to blame for this end of a pure love that was inseparable.
N I'm outta a friend I thought I had n ur untameable.
In ur own selfish world that allows no one in.
But FYI jus to let u know i found my misplaced grin.
U wanted nothin to do with this man that literally tried to be there.
N u threw me away without a single once of care.
So off u go with ur lies, games, n a luv that can not survive.
I'm doin me now n I thank u for now I know me n that I will never hide.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
deep down inside a man
Inside a man as still as he can be waits emotions patience as calm as a dream... with character of will n desire sittin alone for a woman to admire... to cling to the truths deep in his soul that pounds like thunder on a never ending roll... somewhere within his core is a place unassisted by any other as it rests for its day to become as free be interested... down in the bottom of a male's heart he feels the passion flow with the presence of mind one day he will lose control... falling madly in luv unable to help himself remain the way he was for there is a female that will steel him away from with an exploding rush... its inevitable for a man to withstand the power of an honest touch when felt in his soul it's what he needs so much... under the shell in which he hides feelings of pure need lives an individual that slowly breathes.... til that day of awakening a pulse that beats for his cure n sends him on his way to a point of no return to endure... the grace of a divine connection he longs to hold as he's wrapped in an embrace he alone knows will unfold... beneath the manly fave lays willingness for pleasures finest is lingering in his depths of bringing forth his kindness... reaching for what a man craves life itself he will give his all n for him there is no help... Layin motionless in his end of concurrin his own he will allow jus one to collide n crown his queen with a throne...
Friday, August 16, 2013
a moment of hollow
Out comes the emotion without the pain.
Past the expression that's turned into rage.
Here comes the part where the end is near.
N a lifetime of change is the only thing feared.
Released to shove out what can not be swallowed.
Needin a fresh start from the moment of hollow.
Becomin self in a new way of thinkin.
Freed speech delivers feelings done bleedin.
All because self was left alone needing a friend.
In a life no longer chosen an other will not attend....
in the middle of life
Fitting in is not what luv is about.
One sided ways r selfish flung from the mouth.
Its two as one with the same vision that counts.
The only way it'll ever work or everything go's south.
Walkin together as life is shared n never jus ones way.
Meetin in the middle of life n provin the other is welcome to stay.
When it's all about this is the way it is n u can leave.
Its time to pack up what's left of self n end a dream.
To awaken in another time n place far from where u fell u belong.
Yet if u did in what was left behind u wouldn't have gone.
For both parties would've bent in ways unimaginable.
Still in between luv'n arms that r understandable.
Everything is subject to change as two must change together.
Or prepare yourself for ur one to walk away from a shared forever.
standing as a man
Good enough to care n it shows through actions.
Yet not good enough to be by ones side is causing a shutting down reaction.
Fightin for the good In every situation standing as a man.
Will break him down when a woman won't make a stand.
There ever time with out a drop of blood shared.
Takin on an others as well as own he is normalisation of a split pair.
The hardest thing to do in life is to give ur all n lose self.
Its a feeling no one can replace for u can't even help yourself.
All in, willing to get at life in a way she has a real friend.
Yet a male is always shown he's the only one that will bend.
When it counts the most a man rises to the occasion.
Steppin to the plate of not his his own he loses relation.
Kept at a far even though he's not to blame.
For the edge of his happiness he was pushed n now theres pain.
Strugglin to make lends n make it right a man will do what it takes.
Preyin to the heavens for mercy on his giving mistakes.
Proof within reaches in ways she avoids to see him tryin.
Doin more than a child's own father n with a grin.
Unable to walk away without bein told to step away.
There's somethin in a real man that will beg everyday.
To his one he's found in a woman that is unwilling to give.
Jus a lil time an patience knowing he's as good as he can get.
A man's best comes forth n he'll always be put to the test.
Bobbin n weaving through the games n loops.
Speakin nothin but what flows from his heart in honest truths.
A woman can be the most unappreciative create know to man.
When his heart lays beating n madly in luv in her hands.
For she determines how fate cuz he has granted her that power.
One in which she takes for granted as second tick into minutes n he waits hour after hour.
Its cruel n inhuman to put a good man on the line.
As he hands himself over for her to claim as mine.
Standing as a man overlooked for her own reasons.
He can't help but to feel like the weather's changing season.
reflections of us
I don't wanna keep lookin at old pictures of us.
I wanna take new ones of u n I of what we've learned of our luv.
Older moments captured I see us finding our way.
Wrapped up in our kwn emotions every single day.
We need fresh still frames in a pause after what we've been thru.
I know it will show the meaning of what we know n what we have as truth.
I see our faces lit up with smile happy as we can possibly can be.
Yet separated hearts joined again will fulfill a ooh so wanted dream.
There's so many times we've been photographed in luv.
So compatible we reflect each other standing closer than flush.
Starring at a lins caught up in lifes once in a lifetimes chance.
Beside me as I u, pose for fresh memories made for what is a glance.
Layed out as before n after in a photo album as one.
Showin this is us when we're old of our time of how we truly r madly in luv.
Different meanings yet all in the same way of doin what we do.
The copies we made r a lesson compared to a snapshot of new truths.
Lets take emotion n reinvent the worth honestly showin.
Instead of feeling our way along like we did n jus begin the real unfolding.
Of bein us under the plastic film as pages turning our story.
Together forever, knowing we r more than we was n feeling the glory.
It's the reflections of us, bein who we r side by side.
Jus hold for the camera to prove what we consider mine!
yeah, i like to cry from time to time
I like crying. It releases the pain.
Helps. Shows me what I have to gain.
Tension crumbles. At least when it flows.
It comforts for me. To feel somethin explode.
Held it in to fall apart. its jus one of those things.
In the middle of nodding heads. Tryin to cling.
Losin the fight. I wanna feel it slip away.
One last time to feel it's presence. Before it make airs escape.
No longer to be felt. Free to run from me.
So yeah, I like to cry. Its comforts my broken dreams.
Crushin my reality. I accept the moments end.
Lost n changed. Memories stopped bein made as friend's.
Emotions linger outta control. Tryin to hold on.
Til its able to go. Lettin go to be reborn.
I like to cry. When the time is right.
When a period becomes an exclamation! Done with the fight.
Letting go with the hurt. To become a new n improved self again.
Yeah, i like to cry from time to time. If it's necessary to become a better man.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
in with a click & no way out. locked in for life repeatin words from thy mouth. alone without an escape plan. fightin self for the man i am. here's the twist in the dark. lonely room filled with smoke from a spark. times feelin patience out slowly. comfort of reality has come to hold me. in the darkness' blindside of truth. baracaded in, no longer of any use. empty & confused there's no way to protect self. no way outta this pit, there isn't any help. it's up to me to dig deep. crawl from this hell til i get on my feet. yet here i sit without a home. captured by eyes slidin into the shadows roll. all's abscent at the bottom of need. & it's so hard in the dark to attempt to dream. there's four corners in a round mind. lost without the one that called me, mine!
Left..........
Saturday, August 3, 2013
sometimes luvn a womans a losin game
The hardest thing i'll ever have to do.
Is tryin to get over u know who.
I dont think i'll ever be the same.
Id rather put up with the lies, b.s. n the games.
I tried to luv once but i lost.
All thats left is a man without his balls.
Luvn her i was destined to feel pain.
Caught up in the emotions under the rain.
Ooh how heyes once spoke the truth.
But now shes gone n i feel so fuckin used.
My time left here in earth is rearranged.
Yet i had the chance fir her to carry my name.
Sometimes luvn a womans a losin game.
Left to selfs endless worn out days.
But if u dont try to stand by her side.
Youll never know if she'll ever find the time.
Help me jesus forgive her for shes luvd.
Walkin our on me has left me crushed.
I dont wanna to fewl another woman again.
N its pullin on the man in which i am.
Only if she knew how luuuv is truly real.
Shed turn around n mend a heart until its healed.
I dont how its come to bein forgotten.
All i know is i sinkin in the bottle slowly rottin.
Man i preay for the day she comes back.
Til then im forever alone n
Sometimes luvn a womans a losin game.
Left to selfs endless worn out days.
But if dont try to stand by her side.
Youll never know if she'll ever find the time.
Wrote in form of Waylon Jennings....