a letter to friends

k. hears the story! u know what has happened between me n rach for the most part. some things i still have'nt told anyone. i walked away sunday for good. finished. had a few choice of words for her. n i was done. now tryin to be mature about it. i don't hate her. if she needed anything, i'd still help her. everyone has the right to walk their own walk. i accept that.
with sayin that i was sittin on fb sunday night n someone from yrs past contacted me. someone i went lookin for back in feb when i was single over the winter. checked her out n found she was doin her own thing. so i didn't take it any further.
her first words were did i make mends with my gf. i told her no, was forced to walk away. n she gave me the line of how stupid she was n i looked to b a great dad, man, guy, handsome n so on. i thanked her as i satback beside myself in amazment of whom i was talkin to.
we got into a conversation n i slowly realized she didn't recognize who i was. so i began to fuck with her like i do everyone. dropin hints of where i was from n who her mom was. all the time she's wondering who in the hell i am? until i told her my moms name. phil! she stopped I.M.ing me for a minute. i asked her was she still there?
she later said she jumped for joy at that moment of who i was! so i told her i had the biggest crush on her when we were comin up. i wasn't gonna wait any longer to tell her. it had been long enough. i've known her since we were six. her mom n my mom use to tease us about each other through the yrs. she told me the same things i was telling her. blowin each others minds. at this point i am now a loss for words.
she began to tell me she didn't realize that it was me n didn't know why we shared a friend in common here on fb. also. she had been checkin me out n watchin my whole ordeal go down with rachell for a couple of months. said she was so attracted to me. not jus becaus ei was a good lookin man. in her words.
we both had been wonderin about each other for yrs. what if's to who we became because in time we drifted apart n neither of us expressed ourselves. didn't think the other was interested. n we were so scared to say anything.
i found out we are still so much alike n have so much in common. after yrs of separation we are damn near the same person, still. alike in so many ways! always have been. i've craved this woman secretively most of my life. 28 yrs, as she has me. n never knew how she felt. jus to find out she craved me the same. hollywood couldn't write this shit!
here's the crazy part! i went to see my mama in august. knew things were turnin the corner with me n rach. i sat and asked my mama to point me in the right direction cuz i didn't know if rach was in it for the long haul. i started noticing lil things about how she was. who she was. begged my mama to let me know before the holidays got here if this was meant to be.
on november 5th everything went to hell. i found out who she really was n finally got my heart broken. all n a three week span. everyone saw it go down. i hid nothin. expressed myself fully. i got cut deep. i tried to hang onto her with everything i had. started prayin to a god i never believed in to show me the way. n i found out what luv really is as i was forced to walk away.
when i did decide to walk away for good. n become a jiggalo. n believe me, i was done treatin women good. i was jus goin to do me for a while n shut feelins down. the strangest thing happened. mandy appeared out of nowhere. my all time one. i believe in my heart i was suppose to go through this process of bein broken n findin my way so i wouldn't break mandy's. i never in a million yrs thought this was possible. put it outta mind even though i did look for her earlier this yr. i also believe my mama is over my shoulder because i try to be a good person, friend, dad, n man.
idk how else to explain this. i've been an atheist for yrs. but when i asked for a lil help for the first time n meant it, everything came into play. i've been talkin to someone n i think someone's listenin that is not of this world.
i am currently tryin to get a place with her up north near westerville. there is nothing no one can tell me on this. this is who n what I WANT! always have. n now that i have her im never lettin go. her feelings r mutual. n i'm luvin every minute of it. i'm goin for my gold!