Caught up in me…

January 1. Year 2014. I woke up in a stranger’s bed. I knew her but I didn’t know her like the women I couldn’t get outta my head. I sat up to the snow falling and thought how beautiful it was. An Erie feeling took over my heart that felt like I was betraying luv. With only a few months in to a breakup I asked for a blessing to move on a week before. From the height of her need my gut touched floor. I fumbled within as I fondled another that my hands were unfamiliar with. Cute as a button, dingy asf she came into the room. It was the first time since I fell in luv that I looked at another woman as we had so much fun. Prior to that morning I fought the urge to give in . All I kept hearing in my head was a song by Craig Morgan that went, damn if I don’t wake up loving you. Damn, if that wasn’t the truth. Less than two weeks later I wound up digging into this sweet beautiful lil thing I put to use. The dog came out as her sister eventually joined the roster. My whore phase wanted a round two of who I was to be to revive my posture. But my old ways didn’t last long due to I was emotionally overworked. With that to say the least, I had no use for a woman’s worth. I was caught up internally with feelings I didn’t know how to let go of. All I knew was no one in the moment ever felt like luv. The desire to fuck was real but the depths lacked passion’s thrill. As mine as they were to touch I struggled beyond the intense sexual content in which they were built. Their flesh was no more than a fantasy swirling around the beast within. I resorted to faking a grin. To get through the loss I gained deep in my chest. To heal before I could ever do more than please a woman’s lips. It is what it is. As the father presence of time clicked around the clock. Choosing who I laid down as I worked them loose enough to intensify their g-spot. Then the strangest thing occurred in the middle of fuckin around. I realized I never had to lie to play with the anatomy of the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever found. A woman’s body freed me in ways that I was able to overcome me. I resurfaced to stand on my side of the imaginary wall that kept emotions in my chest. Never to chase as I never have, I was a version of self that wasn’t such a mess. I didn’t havta hide behind a half worn smile for it felt life. Different women helped me ease my mind. Reminding me of the drifter that lingered in between the lines spoken that were true. Friends had a use. Friends wanted more than a weekend rendezvous to hold on to. But recognizing my heading wasn’t the same as being ready to reinsert myself into relations that are face to face with everyday exposing truths. The watched the walls go up. Luv want a friend I could trust. As I’ve even been told to go find my person when I want even looking for another to be familiar with when I was good with who I was looking at. Slowly I was coming around to the same ol’ same bcuz from one to the next wasn’t a thrill looking back at the past. Memories were beginning to scatter themselves far and wide. I sat by myself long enough to know I wasn’t living life. I was alive and doing me but my honesty fell short to many times of someone getting to know me before the end wrapped me up. Some were more than enough and a few were more than I expected I’d cross. When the loss of bad timing that never transformed into luv. I have into lusts. When the stipulations of scenarios and situations were hand plucked on a one way street. I didn’t consider those I’ve touched on my way to my own selfish wants and needs. As I’m prolly an after thought due to my lack there of. But that’s expected when I was out to reclaim me while ignoring another laying flush. Giving tenderness and moments to be who they were to offer a piece of them in their own way. I know I’m to blame. I was just blinded by the loss that had me correcting myself. And I knew I could only depend on myself as help. I had to overcome life’s lil twist to be able to freely become me. And they were all gone by the time I came to thinking about hisi fit into their daydreams. As even those have their own place in the memory that comes back around. I don’t want much, I just wanna be fair to prove I’m more than taking someone to pound town. Not to be revisited in a thought I failed to make. But to be seen creating thanks…

Reservation for two…

I can reserve a table for two if there’s no turning back. I know it’s too soon to know but I’ll go ahead and ask. What’s your plans to flow freely for the night? In a moment to be you and live a lil life. I’ll set up the stage as we don’t for a bit. I’m not afraid to show up off you’re genuinely open to going to know what’s considered a plot twist. One that’ll change us both if we were move together through this unreliable world. As a reservation to communicate is awaiting your response to one evening that isn’t about making you toes curl. Imma eat regardless of your decision to join me or not. I’m just offering a mature sense of use for you to consider that’s limitless bcuz I like you somewhat of a lot. I wind smooth talk you into believing I’m some kinda man I can’t tension to be if we coexist. I’m merely just me trying not to go into revolving doors in which I’ll never be missed. So I won’t lead you into temptations but wait for your response to a friendly gesture to step outside of the norm you barricade yourself behind. I’m just looking to pluck your mind.

No, to an us…

To give to you means I’d havta give up  my way of life. Altering what I do when I choose to have the time. To consider you would be the consideration of my irritation of answering to someone else. Idk if I’d do well with an inpatient ownership trying to control the way my heart refuses to be felt. I may be the chill in the cold that freezes your intent if you try to get close enough to settle in. Emptied, I enjoy being alone to freestyle a grin. As being good enough isn’t a thought that plagues my thought process awaiting approval of luv. To cater to your wants and needs isn’t a necessity as I have to maintain my own lusts. I’d havta cut communications with folks I know to settle your insecurities. What the dream to be captured by a friendly foe looking after self’s ever flowing breeze. I haven’t the desire to create happiness in your heart. It’s not a task I’m entitled to so don’t ask if I care to get caught up in an emotional war. The battle you seek doesn’t exist within me. I’m at peace and honestly I’d rather you leave. One night is good for the feel of physicality as anatomy plays its part. And if you don’t wanna come back around, that would be smart. Bcuz telling you yes to feed your ego is to belittle myself as my true best friend. I can’t entertain you for I’ll eventually find your ends. Who am I to lie when “no” is the simplest form of individuality I could ever speak? I’m not someone who clings to others to reincarnate who isn’t lost, as in me. To live by your standards doesn’t make sense when I have my own free will. So sitting around or pacing back and forth to do something isn’t much of a thrill. Just having someone around so self isn’t lonely isn’t enough to submit to relations living in a mature mind. Let’s keep the interaction respectful and spontaneous without all the hype. We don’t havta remember every lil detail of selfish expectations that aren’t met. I can never let you down if you never insist on gaining access to the contents of my chest. You’ll only live there until you gone and that’ll depend on how you decide to be if we were to share more than a convo to get through this diddle spoken into the wind. Again. Giving in into your way doesn’t matter to me. It’ll only suppress me as your relentless attack attempts to mold me into a version of me that pleases your daydreams. Let’s not fall to fall through the transparency yet to be forthcoming to a reality of we’re forever no more. We need not walk simultaneously through a place pretending to be home’s door. Although I’ll open one for you if we’re can agree we’re just wanting to get away from the norm. To open them is to remind you that if you chase your feelings it’ll close behind you once you see me in true form. As you’re able to gather these words so they are believed by the time you get beyond the threshold of the good as it turns sour quick. I can’t be who you demand I’m to become before you bcuz you won’t be missed. I’m just in motion for as long as I can move. Just reread this and you’ll have your proof. I’m distant, I’m of no use, I’m not for you. For my only crave is to not to havta escape the abuse. I need not ask another to remain in their place. Just to havta watch the rearrangement on facial expressions shape shifting the tension in their face. Relate or don’t I don’t give two fucks either way. It may sound hard but who am I to me if I allow childish behaviors to rule the way I have but one chance to avoid hate? I’m not afraid and I’m not fate. I just don’t wanna die before I live. What in that scenario will I have to give? What could you possibly expect my reaction to be? Just breathe. I’d rather be liked than luv’d. Never to be pushed in heated confrontations that tend to do more than shove. Fuck around and find out, it is what it is, and the deception of lies to be the truth until the fading of trust isn’t worth the fuck all that bs expressed. Why defend self from a stranger that can’t seem to get to know the hidden restraints of one’s best? It’s too far from my grasps to be held any further than a naughty encounter to settle the nerve. There’s no comfort on the other side of interests that need to be claimed by the hurt. Pain should be pleasure’s way of releasing pheromones. So toe the line if you must stand in the wide open alone. I don’t play with depths being tampered with. There’s nothing I can do to keep the fire from burning lips into a singed distasteful kiss. Protect yourself for I’m not what you believe you can force me to adapt to. No, I don’t wanna drift in a silhouette put to use. I’ll never be enough to move with your shadow there disappears every night. That type of memory is as irrelevant as yesterday being redefined…

Warm streams…

I wonder of the feel of the tear to fall down my cheek if you were to ever forget the sound of my name. How slow would it descend into the memory were lips have forgotten the flavor of Joe your heart was safe? My wandering mind sits alone with the thought of luv misplacing a worth that resembles me. In the true end of strangers losing their use for a friend set anything but free. Will the drip be as warm as the body compressed into hugs out cover grin the distance in between the chin and the floor? Will the loading of emotions overflow or dry up much sooner than expected due to truths will forever want more? In moments of sobbing in silence, off into a dark room somewhere where not even you can feel the depths emerging to reach for the emptiness of your absence. Leaking with a pain do severe as I’m too be ok with someone else being whom I deserve as a comfort street coming from a life changing sadness. Will it hurt if my vibe became unrecognizable to your ears? My guess is, it would only be for a lil while until I get back to what I’m suppose do to while changing gears. It’s off to think of how our inner makings alter due to circumstantial distortions that only last so long. And even more distorting of how the pleasure can go do wrong. When will it happen? How far off into the future do I have before I’m an afterthought that’s been buried in the back of your mind’s willingness to curt me silly laughing? I await the moment to release me from what is to come. As I reverse attach myself from what you call luv. You’ll leave when I’ve welcome to your desires. As they too will born on the fire. As crying won’t put out the flames. And I’ll purely be the one to take the blame. With my head in my hands attempting to dry my eyes. Just to chuckle that whispers, that’s life. Am I destined to recreate the inevitable thought of losing my place in your dreams? Will reality claim the moisture slowly glittering flowing onto a raging river that meshes it hard to breathe? Am I still elusive when remembering the illusion you say of me? For now is not tomorrow waiting to see the outcome of us blotting in the breeze..:

To speak of the matter…

Who am I to be this way? Entitled and self absorbed, not wanting another to touch my name. Why is it that it’s this version I’ve claimed? Maybe there’s a reason in the way I stare of into the distance with the same ol gaze. Women don’t want a man who doesn’t need them around. And the ones that do like the challenge until their verbal assault can’t change the man they’ve found. So where is the mental illusions leading the erie echo’s that seem to be profound? 90% of the shit in my head makes sense and for that I’m proud. It’s the female agenda that creeps me out as most want to be an equal to men as they alter themselves from the essence of their own beauty. I don’t want to compete. It’s safer to lust from a distance and interact in daydreams. Especially with their over dramatic thoughts forcing emotional mood swings. How did I come to determine luv is a one way street with no signs? Dames make it evident that they’re exercising their independent rights. If it’s not about them then they’re damning a man’s approval as they become irate and wanna ignite. Men have enough conflicts in our lives. We’d just like someone to get along with. A chick that can entertain us as we laugh from the tickle in the ribs. With someone who knows what it takes to to do their part as naturally as breathing to live. Fellas can only confide but never follow the opposing gender bcuz the thought process is distant in our own minds. So, am I wrong for liking the silence that settles the nerves? Bringing self back to self worth. Knowing what it’ll take so self doesn’t hurt. Or will that be too much of me doing me as my smile is witnessed as a smirk? Men hardly speak real shit to a woman due to feelings that need not apply. The concept is an attack due to women can’t stay outta them long enough to enjoy the fundamentals of life. And then it’s exit stage left as men ignore the babbling of femininity that blurs the line. It simply isn’t worth the fight. The comprehension differs like opposites do. The chaos that’ll follow the initiative of reason hasn’t a use. Is this why I’ve withdrawn my sanity and tucked it outta reach so I can move? Maybe I’ve been shown the proof? It’s possible a woman is out for herself as long as a man is cool with her not having accountability. That kills chivalry. Putting caution in a man’s heart that creates limits on accessibility. Men don’t do well with insecurities that hide behind instabilities. Why do I believe women trigger men to see how far they can push him outta himself? So she’ll know where her boundaries aren’t felt. Men don’t need help. We don’t enemies hiding in plain sight just to deal with what’s to be dealt. Am I the arrogant for speaking abroad? Are my words coming across as an irritating sound delivered as false? Do I havta play along? To give control to a woman that doesn’t know what a man is although claim to not cling to a man’s flaws. Bcuz to act like a man she’ll havta take on the characteristics of a man. The same thing she wants to transform into destroys her feminine form needing to mage a stand. Someone make sense of the lunacy of holding a woman’s hand. Bcuz it appears she just wants another fan. Someone to dismiss when she doesn’t get her way. To be the first one to speak so he’ll havta defend his name. All bcuz society caters to the ego of a woman’s madness as she only luv’s for self made fame. To be noticed even if it means being fake. As that starts in the beginning where curiosities linger. With the irrelevance of the version of themselves that resembles a calmer demeanor. Knowing damn well she deserves the finger. If it wasn’t for the sex, men wouldn’t at one lil bit need her. So is t safe to say, pussy is a tool? An act right statement that confirms either it’s accordingly to her way or you can’t play in the pool. Lil does she know that only works on fools. Chumps who give in to a woman’s intuition as they parade like loons. Is it ok to just want to be a man who wants to live in peace? Without the demand to fit a silhouette in need. We can’t wear a profile that isn’t molded to our feet. We can only walk in such way we individually think. Vanity is for women to obsess. Men would rather have the girl next door than a barbie to impress. She’s the loyal kind wanting to please just one man that we’d wanna invest. Men aren’t worried about the contents within a woman’s chest. The flutters change like the wind moving in different directions. And if it gains velocity the storm will create havoc on a man’s intentions. Leaving him in a state of suspension. To hover over himself as if looking in the mirror with so many unresolved questions…

Lingering Dreams…

She looked him in his eyes as he turn away. As she spoke up, wait! Her tone changed. It wasn’t the same as before. Somehow it was sincere as it halted him from walking outta the door. He stopped, hung his head and sighed. It shook three times. She stood patiently trying to find the words. Muttering what she’d practiced so many times in the mirror as worth lurked. But mid sentence silence said it all. She knew there was something in their pause. He wanted to walk away until her genuine whispers spoke. “I’ve taken the some to realize who I am”. He replied, “I’m no longer the same man”. Her eyes teared up as he spun around. “Speak your peace”, he said quietly as he did with making a sound. But he knew something was different. She was a lil more elegant. Without words they were motionless. Yet, still hesitant. Staring in disbelief. Checking the way they breathe. Witness to the truths of life return like a roundabout needing a second chance. As in his mind, was it too late? As there was a longer in her willingness to her being well aware of what she’s come to admit to herself. She knew it was him that completed the itty bitty pieces of her norm craving to be felt. Without words, he looked her up and down in a wandering wonder of, why now?. She, stood in her determination to be seen as a use he couldn’t resist but the luv was the factor that rippled in the depths of hearts that spoke of wows. Triggering memories so fowl in which it was save self no matter what. He remembered that torture of holding the line of what was. She could see it in his eyes as she reached for his hand. Touching his fingers bcuz she understood him as a man. It just took some time to realize she needed to earn her place by his side. He was life. She was a stranger he thought he knew. As he awakened from a nightmare to watch it once again go, poof…

The comfort of your bosoms…

Can I just cry? With you standing in front of me so my tears can sink into your doused shirt. No, I’m supposed to be a fuckin man. My weight isn’t meant for a woman to carry. But damn if the release wouldn’t settle me down. I just need to breathe. To exhale and sigh all in the same breath. And the comfort of your bosoms would be so nice. As my head gravitates into your cores worth. Only if you knew how much it would mean for me to simply relax. Just for a moment to take away the thoughts that never end. Not to cross the lines of the friend zone and I tongue talking about luv. Sometimes a man just needs someone. To connect with as an outside source that doesn’t want too much. But who am I to suggest you allow me to feel you closer than what we are. With no strings attached to falling away from it all. As if you’re going around fixing men’s problems with and extended hug. I’m not weak, I just need a moment to be so I can decompress. To hear someone else’s heartbeat pulsating in their chest. Oh, the soothing affect is what I crave. A subtle, gentleness that allows me close my eyes. Mmmm, I should’ve told you this. But I’ll just keep it to myself…

He’s no longer here…

If you’re looking for who used to roam in this head, just know he’s dead. From all the beds he’s made wet and all the lil things to invest. The pieces you’ve known no longer fit. You’re a stranger to the feel of my lips. I’m a fucked up twist as I found him not giving a shit. It took me and his mimic in the mirror to replace his ribs. Chest held together with the bare knuckles of his fists. He was protecting himself from something that gave him fits. So far outta whack even talking to himself didn’t make much sense. And patience was strangled in a grasp gripped so tight, whatever fucked him over, it wasn’t missed. Hatred was a silent stare where everything past midnight swore never to disturb the gesture upon his facial displayed. That type of pain has been laid to rest. Who resided here long ago has no grounds to stand comfortably within this chest. Peace has risen to the occasion. No more embrasions. Not chips of incompletions. Just the full aspect of deletions. Riding worth of unfortunate decision that plague the mind. As the only thing left is to live life…

The closer you get.

To feel the weakness of temptation when you come as close as you do. Standing in the middle of defenses falling upon the ground to be soothed. To lose control of the will of strength to tell you no. Bcuz self isn’t on point when you turn and go. The overwhelming rush consumes the heart that is determined to play. Passion awakens by the mere glimpse of your charm wanting to stay. As the mind tries to comprehend why a want needs you around. As life is better when I hear you speak your sound. With whispers that cater to the details I possess. Sacred you’ve lingered within to contents of thy chest. So how can I ever be the same if we ever touch? What will become of me if the other side fails at luv? I guess there’s a fear in my desires that craves to open up to you. Without hesitation it sighs as I admit my truths. Emotion isn’t a friend of mine so I refuse to show my intent. But if it were known, would you truly repent? To the secrets that play upon your tongue. As words dance in a verbal awareness unto our bodies that become flush. To last in the nude where a single moment  is yet to ignite a fire. But I don’t wanna burn, I just wanna watch you live before my eyes for to be admired. This captivating trans I’ve fallen into has a firm grip on me. As gentle as your hands can hold mine I come to live in this dream. Quietly committing to the curiosities that turn through my thoughts. As they intensify the closer you come to me trapped in a pause. In awe to how you move in my direction. The walk, the stance, the motion. I can’t help but to zoom in to the depths you hide. Worst case scenario is you pass me by. Maybe giving a lil time until you’re on your way to where you belong. And if it were we’re even brief enough for us to coexist, would that be so wrong? Could it ruin the chances of any other by you getting closer to my kinks. The pleasure I seek is before my eyes as you disrupt the way I breathe. My pulse spikes the closer you come. But what comes after you I know would be numb. A void that might just last a lil too long. So my silence protects this erotic fantasy from ever becoming our song. So I don’t hurt you and you don’t end me. Although I’ve seen what we could be. The beauty of the images that flow in daydreams eases worth into visions never to partake in realities presence. Bcuz someone like you is a different type of essence. A comfort not yet known. A purpose to a structure to become a home. It’s the closer you get that is the further I wanna go. To see how far we get until we reach the unknown. Turning hopes into uses that have more meaning than pet names spoken out loud. Just don’t come any closer if I’m not what you’re going to allow…

Bouncing off the bottom…

When the bottom comes to claim the sanity from thy face. As it reaches up from the gut to grab ahold of the hearts capabilities that begin to fade. The hollow will open the priceless possibilities awaiting to redefine self. As time on the downside of reversing the pain must be equivalent to the pain touched by betrayals help. It’s a twisted friction that coexists to better the chances of growth. It’s like stirring up a potion of poison to kill off who one used to be before the end moans. When the trenches commit to the battles within that correct who’s the enemy. The mirror eventually recognizes one’s true identity. From the sluggish swamp deep in the barrel of no man’s land. To the point of peeling back the masks of illusion caught up in the mind’s white sands. When the hands of change heal desires to live. There’s a difference in the way of what one has to give. In the inner dwellings that swirl through emotions that come to relate to what into takes to be happy for once. As it’s self that matters, that surfaces from what life once was…

Mindful…

Let’s not stand in silence with desperation upon our tongues. It’s not an attractive feature just to be luv’d. We deserve a more stable touch that feels its way along our use. Not to pamper our long lost stance of willing to do anything to partake in being moved. There’s a content that’ll settle the nerves and then there’s passion that just might hurt. So having the heart waiting on the sleeve for a stranger to steal isn’t meant to last. We’ve gotta be mindful of how to create a more memorable past. Not to just loosen up to the first thing available to vulnerability demanding to feel alive. It’s in the design of what we’ve adapted to of dos and do nots that determine a meaningful life. So let’s not fall for the emptiness wanting to be filled to rid self from the lonely nights. It’ll only come to be the seek of the hype. Leaving unclaimed sensations to fully absorb a norm willing to stick around. All bcuz we rushed into the here and now. It’s ok to have patience to watch what there is to come about with a soon to be friend. Otherwise, this is our end…

What gets us off…

Can you get off on getting me off? Do I trigger you to release yourself in my moment of awe? Do you realize if your natural intent was to please me was to intensify your own organisms, I’d fall further into you than I could possibly imagine? It be truly worth the interest put into a visual display that shows your inner origins. From how deeply rooted the touch of me crawls beneath your flesh. As you crave to please until you lay your head upon my chest. Do you wanna hear my heart race from what you do to me? Is it a necessity to your own crave that I’m not a flat line to the way your hormones leak? Am I that lingering desire that completes the details of yourself? Do you feel the presence of the sensation the nearer you come to being felt? Actions tell all. Motion moves the mind to trickle down into content that flickers upon the walls. Who am I to you? Where do I fit in to your deepest kinks needing to be put to use? Whether I’m in your mouth, penetrating your treasure or flush with the foreplay. How is it you say my name. From the hrz that vibe from your throat. To the caressing of the texture of thy tongue that tells me you don’t want to be left alone. Does my fingertips flowing across your skin melt you whole? These are things that will unlock my depths that are witness to the submissive intent you enjoy as you’d be worth more than gold. Show and tell of your true nature and you’ll set me free. Bcuz of I’m not what ignites the beauty of your core, we shouldn’t be. It’s a likewise situation of I get off getting you off bcuz I can’t help myself. It’s the connection of the in between our energies that won’t rebel. Is it I, the fantasy you seek? Bcuz that’s what you are to me. A dream in the flesh. A taste savored so fresh. A first of everything no matter how long we’ve gained access to sacred truths. I ask bcuz my fix is you…

I can’t be honest…

I can’t. Can’t sayi want to. Can’t day I don’t. I just can’t going me to scribe else. But that shit even to me isn’t felt. Are my emotions tweaking? I can’t find anything left to give. I just can’t. I can’t reason with ever wanting to live again. I, I’m, I um. I can’t create a desire in my heart. I can’t. Lot. I cave descend again. I can’t drum. I can’t feel. I can’t. I can’t believe I’ve come to this. I lost the thrill, I can’t find it. I can’t force it. I can’t breathe when someone’s up on e. I can’t accept it as a bonfire. I can’t listen to others exits their version of luv. I can’t bet that fat you get it out. I can’t admit I wanna mean something to someone. I can’t tender the safe code to our. I’m locked out. I can’t stop me. I can’t halt the disbelief of words they sound like an arsenal of betrayal spat into my ear. I can’t come from within the numbing tractor of ego I am. I can’t. O just, can’t. I like me like this. I can’t tell it no other way. I can’t be any other way. I can’t, I can’t try to. I can’t want to. I can’t need active elder. I can’t bcuz, I have my. I can’t due to, deaths ruin friendships. I can’t see hating another friend. I can’t allow that. I can’t do it to them. I can’t get past the I figure someone out stage. I simply can’t. I can’t crave them. I can’t save them from themselves. I can’t be so they want me to be. I can’t. At subs point I realized I can’t. I can’t fulfill someone else’s selfishness of luv. I can’t box I don’t have that kinda control. I can’t therefore I can’t, I can’t pretend I can. I can’t hero others from switching up. I can’t make others happy. I can’t be broken bcuz I make sense to me. I can’t seen to fit a role in people’s minds. I can’t see Joe they see me. I can’t see them just being them, I can’t fathom the idea of forever after. I can’t go skiing with fairytales, I can’t subject myself to watching luv live. I cave task again. I can’t display that kings weakness. I can’t soften the blue. I can’t argue my point. I can’t enjoy the back and forth tug of war over the heart. I can’t stomach the feel of lib hate luv. I can’t taste a name, I can’t collide in space. I can’t determine if intentions are good. I just can’t. It’s just the truth. I can’t over and cuddle up. I can’t rely on feelings that change, I can’t be the bad guy anymore. I can’t feed ego’s bcuz they get outta hand. I can’t hold hands. I can’t give up on me. I can’t follow a woman’s lead. I can’t become a woman’s excuse fit her not to take accountability. I can’t accept instabilities. I can’t cater to insecurities. I can’t be witness to my own demise. I can’t exclude my in mindset. I can’t redefine me again. I can’t come outta character. I can’t play a character. I c a n apostrophe t. I can’t bcuz I’m not capable of down playing me masculinity. I can’t act like a woman’s version of what they demand. I can’t live in restraints. I can’t be snugging less that cat I am. I can’t parade around as if a happy home only exists if a woman is. I can’t see a woman eye to eye,,I can’t be their equal. I can’t listen up to be belittled. I can’t falsely advertise myself. I can’t be anything more than a man. I can’t be someone meal ticket. I can’t hide what I can’t do. If I say I can’t, I can’t. I can’t luv you. I can’t let shit slide. I can’t bcuz it disturbs my life. I can’t luv you if I’ve tried. I can’t luv you if I try. I can’t luv. Can’t isn’t a refusal, it’s a realization that strikes nerve. I can’t be what women wrap their worth around. I can’t handle the flattery. It’s too short lived. I can’t be consumed. I can’t be abused. I can’t depend on hope. I can’t resist what I can’t spin the revolving doors that gives access to the contents to my chest. I can’t reincarnate immature impulses that flatline in time. I can’t. Eyes can’t cry. I can’t trust tongues that moves like snakes. I can’t relate. I can’t dig up a fate that’ll leave smiles for the venom to escape…

Belonging…

Never to be born with a broken heart for she is my sigh. No welds needed to hold in the feelings rendered from life to life. I’ve fallen every damn time I’ve come close to her. In many different versions, the heart’s found a worth. And even it comes to her, when she good first I die before life ends. Waiting on the next reincarnation to have at her as a friend. The cycle of us has lasted centuries with the same result. Watching her from a distance bcuz I know the beat of her pulse. I hear it my whole life long. It draws me in bcuz she’s the melody to my song. And we only have moments within each time frame to express ourselves. Bcuz we eventually luv so hard it’s too strong to be felt. The level of emotion consumes the mind. That’s when we step back from what we consider mine. It’s a forever process as we luv we’r edged we’re reignited. Then she’ll do her thing as I wonder what her next disguise is. We get off on the fact that we’re birthed again and again for one more chance to be eternal. But we find too much the fun in playing here longer than what others consider familiar. We enjoy the commitment bcuz even in death we’ll wait to come back. We’re always living in the same eras so we don’t get left in the past. Able to locate us no matter where we pop out. We like it here so why not play a game to be found? As sometimes we get some good long years in. Other times bad timing tugs in the grin. For there’s only one rule that applies so we can live. No cheating others outta their dreams to be missed. Some lives we must have patience to hold each other oh so tight. And those ones are ones are rewarding as we grind. As every now and again we skip a session. But no one feels the way we do when we’re open up our expressions. So it’s us no matter which life we’re in. She’s my best friend. Sometimes she hates with a passion and I don’t know why. Most of the time it’s the seeing each other out so wet can enjoy life. Thing is, we never know when and where we’ll gravitate back to each other. As it’s inevitable as we lay as luv’rs. Thinking about all the times we’ve come and gone. It if will ever, from this place, move on. Ah wet know is this will never end. I’m her best friend…