In my lap...

I just wanna put my head in ur chest. As I'm sitting on the edge of the bed. As u come over n have a seat in my lap. Pulling me near with a slight laugh. Feeling ur arms wrap around me the way they do. Listening to ur heart move. Pulsating in my ear. Telling me i have nothing to fear. I wanna dive in to ur embrace. Fall so i to can feel sane. Get lost in a world where there's no one but u n i. Held softy to preserve our lives. With my cheek buried between ur breasts. My hands as ur eyes behind ur head. To feel ur body close to mine. Giving me more than a piece of mind. I wanna loosen up so i can let me out. As our movement speaks without a sound. To know i have u to comfort me in every way. As i enjoy how u whisper my name. Tuning out everything that isn't about us. To kiss the lips of luv. I wanna stop time to be at one with u. Swaying like smoke on the move. From the heat generated in our hearts. Believing in a work of art. Pausing to gain seconds to smell ur scent. Before we topple over n have a night well spent...

Who is ur wait worth?

Could u use someone who's a lil rough around the edges but has a mindset intact? Maybe a person u can rely on that won't switch up as long as u remain who u are as time moves too fuckin fast. Do u feel the need to open up to a real one that ain't no better than anyone else but ain't for the same ol shit? Possibly believe in another who can relate to everyday life n in luv with living to create a chuckle in the rib. Are u able to take a moment to stare a lil at a smile ready to lift up the mood n never let it go? Settling the hmms so hahas lead the head nodding to a diversified list of music playing when we're alone. Do u think i might be the ease that rushes through the heart that wraps u in the warmth of arms? Never to leave u hanging for selfish intent after exposing yourself to a rare kinda charm. Where are ur memories without a friend listening with a convo reaching levels deeper than vanity can dive? When sexual desires come to the surface to play with sensitive nerves flowing to the grind. Does that tingle tickle ur goochie goo when thoughts cannot hide curiosities? Bringing u from within due to u like what has come along to put rest to all the inanities. Who is it that's beautiful in the way u define what it is u need to truly be free? That one who has the rhythm as if plucked from ur dreams. What's the possibility of u n i getting lost for a while to recognize the individual wanting something different than we've ever known. Leaning towards a set of keys that eventually unlock the same door when we get home. So, when is waiting around gonna run its coarse for u to exist for once? Breaking the hours glass to release the sand back to the beach to enjoy the same sunsets in which u too can trust. What type of character will fulfill the void that has u fading further into the abyss of depths. Something tells me u could use a hand to grab for a dance that comes straight from the chest.

From dusk to dawn...

My heart dies every night just to awaken to a new life of hope. As days wait for me to decide to be luv'd so i can finally go home. Yet i don't know where to turn to so i too can find my peace. Although I'd enjoy falling into my imagination away from daydreams. To live in the now knowing i am worth another's thrill. But i rest alone waiting for the morning to come to me with it's free will. From lost in the dark hours of wonder to the head swiveling attempting to catch an eye. My emotions are restless like the thoughts that have stepped outta myself to reclaim my mind. I'm here when i wanna be there. Wherever the spark never allows the emptiness to be the only thing that cares. Feeling a snuggle lean in before the feet ever touch the floor. Always in the moment as if there's no such thing as ever wanting more. With a chance still crawling through my chest for i know what i have to offer. Only if that one person would appear that i simply refuse to go without as i tenderize to be a lil bit softer. And Yet in bed i sit shaking my head of the yesterday wasted due to i didn't even try. I just let things flow with the breeze n felt me wanting to cry. Slipping off into a place where my vibe moves. I died for a few. To live on the other side once again like a coward afraid of luv. Although if i knew where my friend was I'd give her something to trust. To break free from the pitch of black where sound seizes to exist. Expressing a goodnight place gentle upon her lips.

.

More than a mood...

If u cannot catch my sighs floatin through midair n shake em like dice until u hear my secrets whisper softly as if they're vibes playin with the tone walkin across the pillow to get to u. Just move outta the way so my tongue doesn't havta sidestep the feel of heated breaths in a moment gone to waste seekin something new. My lips doesn't blabber foolishness when it comes to the heart speakin in rhythm with what matters the most. N by chance u miss my worth comin from within with a purpose to be heard in between the spece between us wanting to touch hope. Keep on gettin on to where u were to pause for the next curiosity talkin sweet nothings deep in ur ear. For there's only a split second for truths to show up n catch the delivery meant to be grasped bybthe mind so emotion can settle with the pulse bouncing with excitement without an ounce of fear...

DEEP DIGGING...

MAYBE I'M TRYIN TO ESCAPE FROM MYSELF. TO FREE UP SPACE FOR SOMONE ELSE TO BE FELT. MAYBE I JUST DON'T WANT THE WRONG ONES TO KNOW. BUT DAMN, HOW I COULD GETUSED TO ANOTHER GETTING CLOSE. OR MAYBE I FEEL LOST LIKE I HAVE FOR SO LONG. IT COULD PERHAPS BE I BELIVE THERE'S NOWHERE I BELONG. MAYBE A TOUCH OF WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I BECOME. ONLY IF THE OLD ME COULD SEE THIS NONSENSE OF ME BEING ON THE RUN. JUST MAYBE I'D LISTEN TO TO ME AGAIN. THE SIDE THAT OPENS UP TO OPPORTUNITITES WILLING TO ACCEPT A FRIEND. MAYBE I'VE FINAALY GOTTEN BORED WITH MYSELF. SITTING AROUND WONDREING WHAT TO DO WITH THE TIME LEFT SO THE HEART CAN FIND A LIL HELP. MAYBE THIS WAY ISN'T THE BEST THING I CAN DO. LIVING IN ISOLATION KEEPING EMOTION FROM EVER ABLE TO MOVE. MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I'VE OVERCOME ME OWN REASONS TO HIDE. COULD IT BE, I'M MORE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE THAT BRINGS ME TO LLIFE? MAYBE THE UPS N DOWNS N BACK N FORTHS HAVE SHIFTED ME IN WAYS I GET THE CONCEPT OF HOPE. BUT WILL I ALLOW ANYONE TO DIG IN TO KNOW?  \MAYBE IT'S FEAR OF FAILING ONCE AGAIN. FUCK THAT, IT IS N I CAN'T STAND I FIGHT MYSELF TO ENJOY A FRIEND...

Behind the wall...

The front is built of lies that we all hide behind. To protect vital sensitivities locked away in the mind. Far from the heart that only knows how to feel. Separating emotions from thoughts like an art awaiting eyes seeking something real. With hope in the pocket as if a dollar bill to be spent. Outta sight n stuffed deep enough for a hole cut out the end. Damn the secrets of the heart that conflick with the mind. Tucked up n under the tongue with the personal reasons of why. Allowing time to pass beyond expectations that define a fool. But yet the boundaries that exist are put in place as a tool. Frustrating the facts of solitudes purpose after all. Stepping back n away from any attempt to fall. For luv is a sidekick to the true show of friendship rarely put into play. As expressions in mirrors characterize the face. Lost lingers in silent tones damn near as if whispers pushed away by the wind. Self cannot be heard when words never wanna tell how one has been. Off into the unknown with uncertanties that comfort what refuses to change. Having the same sanity that claims reality trapped beneath the surface avoiding accelerated heart rates. In a pause peeking around the walls in the way. To high to climb n to afraid to remove a single block well intact. N these are three facts.

can we relate.?.

life ain't gonna wait so what is it you're looking for? does your patience have the time of loss drifting with the thought of just a lil more. wanting to hold out so the right one somehow comes along. trust me, it's a lonely process predicting perfect not to go wrong. it's no more than a drawn out specification that ends before the findings ever collapse into arms as such. u might wanna find a friend that won't spoil the makings of luv. because this world will spin you into your grave if you fade with days that can't be relived. so what is it you truly tend to miss? have you still a silhouette yet to capture something similar to what is your type of norm? n if so. why is it you keep going for what you've already worn. the look wasn't good for your well being n you know it. but i'm not judging you as my words are just attempting to bring you out for i am trying to live. curious to see for myself if eyes linger past my presence like i don't exist. or if a stare sets in to how space in between lips is nothing more than a first kiss. although it's depends on what stage you're in for intent to reach out. so, where are you mentally with emotions slowly creeping behind the scenes afraid to be found? it's just a few questions that gives clarity to a situation in which you know i am aware of. but if you're ready to leap i cannot fall so fast as to rush. everything needs its moment to evolve. especially when it comes to the feeling a need to wanna be involved. n that rounds the convo back full circle to what is it you're doing from day to night? are you just in the mood when you figure you're tired of running around inside with nothing but a grind? or are you just willing to waste away being caught up in a slump? shit, who knows, it's a long shot of me being that one. but like the game played it's your move to consider another face popping up in your visual to be seen. n i can go away the same way i came bopping my way from here nor there as i leave. no worries n issues caused if we ain't on the same level of bring in on. idk where it is your worth is going. i'm just in your way for a split second because you came into view. n i liked what i witnessed from afar as you like a chance is something new. a fresh reason to feel the vibe. at least i'm willing to try. hoping you're a lil different than what my choices a have shown me so far. or you could just avoid me as a reality you wouldn't wanna get to know as i won't take it so hard. we have one take on how we mingle so do your thing. i'll be doing me...

live it...

how bad did it hurt to stay that long down? now that life feels different by the shape of your mouth. i can see it as plain as day. even the phase in which you're in smeared upon your face. i've been there n know the transition all to well. but it ain't until you get over the how did i fall the feeling felt. trust in a friend that wants nothing but to see you come from the betrayal with a better sense of hope. bcuz the defining factor needs patience in when sitting alone. just past the arrogance of that self proclaimed solo act there's a transition in the mind. understanding the hearts will that lingers with life. so let it drag the depths until the bottom has no monsters to invade dreams. the process is the becoming as you know you're better than repeating false hopes that make it hard to breathe. allow the pain to do its part as you lay in the pieces shattered within. it's more enjoyable to choose how self is to be put back together at its end. live it n embrace the empty drifting that occurs. you'll find your way back from the isolation when you find your own true worth. for i know where you're thoughts linger when you rest at night. each stage you enter is the path to regain sighs. trust n believe in the flow that directs you to the shores where you cannot drown. n chuckle along the way for it's your turn to grow with a smile to flip from being upside down.

it seems...

with so many good ones to a few bad decisions that broke down my dreams. it seems i've had some missed opportunities to moments i could barely breathe. faces linger in times when alone is a lil too far gone. as chuckles bring me back with one belief that remains as luv some day won't be prolonged. n yeah i may be something else in eyes that all hold the same stare watching me do what i do. but the truth is, i'd trade them all in for just one i could get used to. for the list is so long i can't imagine remembering each one individually. from the gigolo to the family man n everything in between the honesty. i kept it straight up in more ways than one that spoke without words. even gave a couple a real chance to please worth. although there's been some that i faded on that didn't deserve the retreat. but a lie i cannot live so my lips told no tales on the visions i had of what it was i thought was free. then i turned n released myself from situations that did not define me the way i felt i needed to come to life. there was always something to keep me from feeling alive. n as for the flings that are a smear to the memory that catches a periodic poof. i hope they know that they do not hang in my daydreams from a noose. i did no one wrong so guilt isn't something that's attached to my heart like it belongs. i didn't know what i had in the rare ones that found a comfort just having me around. i just wasn't ready or feeling certain things that surfaced from beneath what i could allow. because it was the whole picture from start to a coarse of events i foreshadowed in my mind. n choices were made to linger off on my own with emotions sidestepping ends not wanting to hide. from then to the now of here i am in the flesh. the things i've learned has me reasoning with the gates opening to accept a lil help. n it's like i have an army in my head putting there guns down due to they're tired of the war of fighting one another. done with the safe keeping that is as endless as the battles that replay visions in the dead of nights of lost luv'rs. tears are no existent of past experiences playing in the hollow depths. leaving one question of what is really next? can the guard be lowered for hands to reach my skin? pressing in on my hidden intent to live. moving slowly my chest pulsates behind closed doors thinking forward like i've never been hurt. but if i'm to truly smile imma havta do it prior to being laid six feet down in the dirt. buried like every n all those who aren't by my side now. as it seems i must eventually face the crowd. knowing i'm just one person just the same as they are. just curious to know who it is that can do more than play the part.