leavin

Heres a certainty thru words expressed by feelins thatll never lie. A passion held in at the lips while the written is release what I hide inside. Its the truth wrapped around my nerves thats unsettled n completely undone. As time itself is near the hand that ticks of my own happiness on the run. Two demons lay about in my mind that riddle in need of an answer. Rippin me into two with an uncertainty that one or the other will make it thru. In one palm I hold the one I considered th luv of my life with an unconditional type of cherish. In the other Im currently feelin with fingertips that eases my own pain as I feel her upon my lips. Between the two a decision has been made for room. N its me that has to decide to end in truth. My wife n what I thought was my best friend is trapped n reachin for my hand to help her redeem what it is I thought we shared. The other is friend thats stands by me n is there for shes in need of a change like self as I to care. Mandy! The completion of a lifetime is was n will always be what was. What we had is not a never endin luv u left madly in luv, I can nit stand next to u. For my knowledge of what ur has come true. Shelby! To hurt u like everyone has done ur whole life is not what I want. Cuz I enjoy our time together n have so much fun. So to walk away n leave u without anyone in this world, nah, im urs to own. That alone would break down the man in me cuz I know our friendship at this point is growin n my hearts not on loan. Im my own way back to normal n a way out of whats been known for as long as one has been alive. N the sadest thing I know in life is I to know which one of the two will feel the knife. Im no longer in pieces tryin to put my own life back together again. N I guess im felt for the way I stand as a man. Ive never cheated nor have I ever lied. But the truth this time around will close a chapter as im sorry to say, only the one can stand by my side. To choose is done, n I already know whats goin to happen. My smile works differently in the presence of Mrs Morgan laughin. She owned my heart n fulfilled my dreams. So Ms. Darby please dont ever think u were second best to me. I didnt start this thinkin id feel this way bout u as u face me n I turn on my past. Jus know as I step away I found u givin reason to me n thats a fact. So missin u I will not do n I will remember how I had to decide for my own smile to live. Jus know if she ever came for me id stand beside u no matter ur age cuz I know what u give. Imma find a home in u n feel ur truths. So Mandy!  For the record, I ask, dont ever hold a grudge for someone that had ur husbands back when it shoulda been u holdin for me a use!

jump

Jus fall n land.
Feel a hand.
Let whats failed go.
I'm not like anything you've ever known.
I won't catch u.
Cuz I'll be falling right beside u.
Jus release yourself.
N know or felt.
Free fallin.
As I'm going down for its u I'm holding.
Together without a shoot.
Cuz I'd leap in proof.
No worries.
The desend is the rush of the hurry.
Jus don't forget to stand with me.
N step into life as if waking fr a dream.
Remember after the new is gone.
Its us that's left to have fun.
All I can say is I'll cushion or blow.
Once impact awakens realities flow.
Feeling that endless thump.
U wanna jump?

thru ur mind

If I landed in ya wonderin unanswered dreams.
How long would it be for u to pull me into ya reality?
I'm not saying I'm the top dog as if I'm the shit.
But I know what I can do pressed against ya lips.
So if I wound up slipping into or thoughts.
Do ya think it be possible that I'd wind up feeling or touch?
Not saying you'd come to terms with ya emotions so fast.
Yet what I do know is I can be that moment that lasts.
Let's say I crossed or mind n or curiosity followed me thru.
How quick would ya walk with me n put time spent to use?
I don't want ya to chase my shadow into the unknown.
Cuz if ya know yourself your feel where I'm coming from full grown.
So who's to say if I set up shop when ya close ya eyes.
How'd I make ya in tensions wanna seek what I can not hide.
Cuz I'm stepping in n I'm gonna figure out if I'm allowed to stay.
See ya in ya daydreams drifting to sleep at the end of ya day....

forced to walk

What is it u want from me.

Cuz it fucks me up evert time u call n the phone rings.

Mentally u defeated me.

N my heart is afraid to hear u sing.

So is it behind or words that I can believe.

U left me on my knees.

As my dreams still bleed.

Yet I answer to hear u want me.

Is there any truth to the way u breathe.

Cuz I'm trying to find reason in ur need.

As ur voice expresses in me u wanna lean.

N yeah or tone is different as it seems.

Yet can I trust u after being so mean.

I'm begging u please.

Don't u dare play with me.

Cuz I was forced to walk away leaving u free.......

i see it turn

I can see it.

Deep in the centers of my eyes.

Disapearin into the mirror.

I see emotion walking away from the surface.

Beneath the shell.

Hidden from touch.

Its stepping backwards into my core.

Watching me.

With a spin to unlock its cage.

With its back against this world.

Trapping self into my own prison.

The feeling is not wanting to know me.

My one friend doesn't even trust me.

Yet I understand.

I to felt the knife that's gripped.

Untwisted from the heart.

Spilling out.

I hang my head for I am witness to my best friend walking away.

Shutting shit down on the inside.

I believe I failed me.

I am only human damn it!

All in the same.

I knew you'd turn when I needed u the most.

I know I'm a piece of work but I am real.

Facing what is to come.

N where r u.

Fading in the depths dying alive.

Not wanting to feel again.

I can't see u in the dark when I chase u in my dreams.

Gimme the key.

Stand with me in a stare.

Y do u let me live as the pain?

U fuckin coward.

Where's my reflections use?

Cuz the image has changed its expression.

Cuttin the ties to what I resembled in my mind.

Its all gone to hell.

Cuz I flipped out on self.

I hurt my precious feelings.

Gone n went numb.

Yeah its my fault.

I coulda stopped it.

But u wouldn't let me remember!

It was u that held on.

U the heart.

Not me in mind.

So run!

IDC anymore Cuz I stand as a man without u.

Peek in at u giving the fuck up.

Yeah I see it.

Lost in a blink as the head turns.

I get the cold shoulder.

Swelling the wells.

Dripping Cuz I lost me after alls said n done.

Im standing in silence as the passion is leaving me driftin n alone.

I see it turn.

how it was is how its not

ilu1! i say it everyday. no matter whom i see. mandy is was n always has been my dream. ilu1! n thats no lie. that day is comin soon for us to stand side by side. n imma luv u even more than before. ilu1! its no secret to anyone on how i feel for u. ur my one n only. my woman wife best friend n truth. ilu1! shit got outta hand but look at us now. wantin that feelin of touch back cuz we know where we belong. together we can never go wrong. ilu1! jus be patient n stand up n know i got ur back. i always have n always will. ur my gurl. ilu1! im comin for u. jus gimme a lil time. i miss u n imma fix this at the seems where it let loose............ this is how I felt for u for to long. I'm movin on for my lesson from u was taught. This was not luv from ur end. Hell, in u I've never had a friend. Ur in ur own now n for the rest of time. As for once when it comes to u I'm mine! Dude to u the one I called three luv if my life. N jus think I actually made u my wife. Do u could turn on me as I tried so fuckin hard to make sure u n the kids were ok. But it didn't matter by the end if the day. It'd me doin me now n till the day I lay still. Motionless as I am now to ur fucked up grill. Laughin n gigglin as if I'm really a joke. Yet what u fall to realize is this, git us there us no hour. You've gone n done it n im out like 5 thouy G! I'm a different kinda free. How it was is how its not. I'm not the same n I can't live with doubts. Jus go n don't look back. The man u lost its a thing if the past.

its a broken movement

its a struggle in the way of the walk when side ways is the only step that can be taken tryin not to be seen.

jus sliddin thru time untouched n fleein the one thing that ever made since both in reality n in unfulfilled dreams.

its a broken movement that will never settle the pain that wont sit still long enough for comfort as the feet move.

keepin the mind pre-occupied with where theyre goin without a direction to find a helpful way to smile n cut loose.

when shit collapses the desire to try jus falls out of wills trigger defendin the hearts ageless attempt to keep its youth.

forcin the legs to kick in stride away from the stillness in an awkward phase that cuts deeper than emotion ever knew.

never lookin back when an other is lookin cuz u dont wanna be caught by the hands that beat with a tender touch of b.s.

yet peekin is a time that stands in a stare fightin self on y u were put thru avoidable misery of bein missed.

as the thump in the chest shoves down the memory feed by thoughts stuck n the pasts livin n remembered.

the lonliness is fought off but excuses made to ease the selfish lies of ones own best friend continue u hurt.

n not even motion in reverse can fix the wronged intentions that play the effect of unreasonably n purposely bein crossed.

as the head hangs sayin, id do anything to have another chance cuz the luv shared still cares n could never in time be lost.

its simply at a pause that could last a lifetime if words never break to silence of the truth that remains.

leavin an invisable hole emptied for the return of the one that calms the days battles as wars r won together again.

waitin on that moment to save the design of friends to overcome the twist thats ringin out the drips of rain.