necessities never get replaced...

They hold your head unground as if they’re standing above. But you see them on the way up as they’re falling into luv. Laughing at confused confessions with disbelief. Just to see them kneeling on emotional knees catering to the side affects of dopamines. On the loose, climbing mountains to slide down the slope. Trying to reach the top you’ve concurred while they keep winding up alone. It’s funny when they feel you can’t breathe. When it’s their own pity they drown in that’s so unique. As being left for dead isn’t so bad after facts remain. The wolves have structure and play in the rain. They believe they were your peek. The most tipity top of what’s the bestest this world has to offer. But there’s always another set of hands that are much much softer. And they catch what’s falling away so it never reattaches itself to self. The real ones lend a lil help. Without the weight of betrayal standing at the edge ever so proud. For lessons learned better the makings within to be seen by rare eyes scanning life. Bcuz they too have been on the bottom side of a solid grounds going rounds with a presence of mind. Worth awakens suddenly when luv uses leverage to hurt a friend. Wanting you to believe you cannot find another like them at remains the end. It’s a delusion forged by insecurities in case of a rebound needed to keep emotions from being alone. They hope you’ll never find home. So their ego can live higher than they could ever reach. It’s best that they leave. It's easy to find a lust to crave for a while. It’s even easier to smile. Knowing that they showed you who they truly were. The mind will eventually wrap around the fast that it was just your turn. Right place, right time. Wrong choice, long lies. Just look up and realize they’re nowhere to be seen. Their halo was a facade, a prop to help you believe they were a need. But necessities never get replaced. And you damn sure cannot wipe happiness off your face…

close one...

She has a lil bit of me in her eyes. Caught a glimpse of me in her peripheral and damn near sighed.. I knew in the moment I was almost what she was waiting to find. And that’s flow of my life. So close and yet never the to wear the shinning armor of the knight. The exception with an expression surfaces somewhere in the middle of the hype. It seems the only thing that craves me is the rhymes of these lines. Detailing the visual of a twinkle so sweet I thought it was mine. For I had caught myself staring with a look in which didn’t lie. Truth be told, damn me if i liked. And so it to be, I touched and felt the enemy sweat betrayal coming to my mind. Slowly losing my position by their  side. As a memory enslaved with pallbearers for the rest of time. For it’s the initial mm that the descending plunges like a knife. Easing its way through the rope that dangles worth into of divide. So define as pride adjusts to the unwanted feelings of coming up short of being the reason why. To why they are consistent without turning to another as if anyone will do for a lil bit before once again becoming blind. To be a ghost in the head for reminiscing is psychotic when the lonely heart is undefined. I saw me looking back at me until the blink corrected the angle of sight. As I saw the reflection of use remove me with a glance to side. It was a close one for sure that almost got me going. As I regained my composure to get back to what It was I as doing...

The shit show...

Even those you’d hope you could trust, you won’t. Pain splits the brain when insane thoughts react with reality screaming, "don’t". Lies are truths when the believer refuses to listen to reason’s use. There’s always proof in time to witness who’s, who. Having to peel pieces of self off as if a scab trying to heal without the comforting other's vibe. It’ll force the eyes to become liquified diving solo in the middle of life. Words will never mend what is broken. People delete precise memories that twist the mental when the emotions has had enough to protect in mid motion. Changed actions of growth can’t be seen by blinded sight. We are egos, we are to them special as we tell ourselves at the ends f no more, that’s fine. Lonely swells hit like tsunamis in an empty heart attempting to adjust to a new stance. Just to feel the tide descend over and over again. When lips never whispered from wisdom’s chant. Everyone loses their next biggest fans. It’s equivalent to being torn into two version within. On the inside there’s disbelief rummaging through facts as the outside bares a grin. In the multiverse of multiple minds that have their own consciousness of self. The only one that holds true is the one operated by no others help. Yet when tweaked it loses focus and mimics behavior patterns of one that cannot maintain. Giving truths to pointing fingers in such, creates the rain. Putting down the gut feelings to step aside to avoid the shit show falling from above. Wondering, was I ever truly luv’d? Let alone liked for my words to be a factor in between the chaos echoing in their heads. Even then it’ll feel as if you’re the walking dead. But whose loss is it when promises were kept? To hold the line tugged on by a strangers wanting to play at best. It's in their no depth deep enough to know better as someone is putting everything on the table for the feast? Why is it so hard to breathe? For recognition to define purpose of why we mingle to begin with. Happiness breaks the ribs. Too much laughter lingers into too much comfort in repeated cycles unseen by the naked eye. Self is the only one who matters in words without the structure of rhymes. As songs are the reminiscing leverage for them to remember who stands on what. And yet, it’s still a wtf. All in the pursuit of wanting others to partake to coexist. They hear flutters in the wind released from blabbering lips. Meaningless relations are just lessons learned until there's no need to continue the shit show. All one wants is to simply go home...

Aware within…

I am one, one is me for I am. But I’ll be damned if I don’t get stirred up when I think about you. For I know luv is a hand off acceptance that’s gives its best version placed on display. And you make me wanna play as my hands has found a better use. As need is for self to be complete in which were whole to begin with. But there’s just something in me that clings to the thrill of a habit in the flesh. I’m in luv with my existence and know the difference in an inner and outer presence. And I havta say, you’ve awakened another dimension deep within the layers of opposing versions reaching for you from my chest. At best I’m happy to be alive to encounter the creation of life. You just intensify my senses in ways I can do without you but I cannot find a reason why I should. As calm as I’ve become to fit into this place we share simultaneously, I must confess I’d enjoy the fragments of yourself you’d be willing to open up. Knowing I’m aware of what truly is here in the mingling bcuz we could. From a far or up close and lingering in this room you trigger my desires wanting to be in the essence of touch. With fingertips to partake in your anatomy so soothing it satisfied the urge to crave more. One feel, one kiss, one encounter with eyes staring face to face. We are momentarily able to perform intent in our truest form for the cosmos to watch. As breathtaking as a smile can be my intellect insists we collide to become our own version of utopia to soothe passions to pour. I wanna provoke you to loosen up. To unravel your design around me. As one, for a brief gesture of fuck yes, to pulsate from within. For nothing lasts forever, not even in dreams. It’s as real as it gets on our separate paths roaming through the open and the illusion of time. So mentally indulge yourself in the pleasure that it itself sees fit with its interaction with me. Take me or leave me is the choice curiosity tinkers with in the mind. Naturally, just breathe…

I sense the tension in your presence...

What did you expect to find even you looked into my eyes? There’s someone and home and I'm at rest. You can’t pound hard enough for me to respond. Yeah, I felt your heart beating as if it were trying to escape your chest. But you didn’t see a sunset staring back. So what was it you thought I was gonna do just bcuz you put your emotions on display? I've already went through me and deciphered what matters to me, and the way it hasta be is I’m not advisable to play along. I’m a sexual interactions if I see fit at best to wanna play. As it seems you haven’t a clue in what you’ve seen in my hazel eyes. Too far in you dove as if they were a baby blue ocean waiting only for you. You should’ve noticed in their design I wasn’t for the okey doke. I own my own worth as I ease with the way I move. I’m happy whether you come around or not. My smile isn't doing its thing bcuz you appeared one random day. Making your way into a night where obscenities came to life. I won’t flatter myself in arrogance so you can realize I’m the monster you cannot tame with an evenings sun rays. When you’re gone, that’s just what it is. Not even an afterthought other than lingering in a memory from time to time. And we all have moments in which we chuckle of a past that belongs to no one in particular.  Don’t lose yourself at my expense for your beauty will voodoo another willing to believe in forevers hype. I sense the tension in your presence. Trust me when I tell you there’s no pain with a clear mind for the conscious is free. We’re all just talking turns. Try a lil something different for once. Maybe then you’ll see me and comprehend why I look at you the way I do. For I see nothing beneath the surface I'd wanna awaken. The man in me is alive and I seek peace in the quiet without a storm to come along. I cannot pretend the faking...

Your way or no way…

In the here down under the sky, in which you look upon me from above. From under your halo I don’t seem to appear to be me, in my own eyes. For judgements that aren’t mine that paint a picture in a different shade claims to know me better than self. Tilted sight rolls on the presence of my absence as it’s ok. Your highness is all knowing and I’m a mere afterthought drifting from the memory you forget. Yeah, it’s me. Fading in my own anticipation that you blindly never regret. It must be nice to cast a banishment as if you know everything when wisdom is spoken to protect you. Trust being broken by a tongue speaking too soon. I guess I wasn’t supposed to expect you to wait to gather truths prior to doing your part to tarring us apart. And that’s when it’s me looking after the contents of my own heart. From a distance for you to learn how to be the ol mighty that hands out the rules. But you fail to mention that I’m no fool. I’ve been where you haven’t been as of yet so I’ll be the peasant drifting until you acknowledge your crown is made up. Just don’t tell yourself I never lead with luv. You’ll believe it like the confusion that’s consumed your thoughts. You’re gonna havta get lost. To remember the feel of familiar not wanting to be right but to protect. And I’ve done my best. So, off you go to move with life. As I redirect energy not taken for granted that weakens my mind…

The correction of the slippage…

When there’s nowhere to go but into the descending from the top. When never making it to the tip that peeks out for an earning prior to not having enough piss to fill the pot. It’s always in the rise where the slippage loses track. Sliding so easily back to when self had risen from a moment before creating laughs. There’s a slope in the middle of the climb that isn’t seen. When resting for a bit to take in the scenic view as the imagination dreams. Just to look up at where the struggle once stood until the falling landed to start all over again. As the turn finally walks away from the fight that isn’t worth the insanity of repeating the same ol bs that life grants. It’s forever a grunt grinding going nowhere fast. As the head never hangs with eyes that refuses to accept the impossible facts. Some things just aren’t a matter that must consume expressions as if failures are real. Those who awaken in the adjustment realize living is more important than sacrificing time for a better deal…

momentary at best...

are you, out there? lost in a wave of hands claiming to wanna lend a generosity. as selfish intent of assumptions consume the mask of intentions infiltrating depths for critical deception claiming to hold down the fort that cannot withstand the outside world breaking the barriers. what? no animosity? no fight to never forgive actions that need held accountable to the choices that do wrong as who appeared is safe from the gestured has gone unpunished. for real? help. say it. tell me you're finished. I've lingering down that road a lil too long. as the softer side retreated for a piece of mind no one else could give. it's been too long, huh? sung songs just ain't hitting the feel of completion to drive the force to truly live? what's up? don't worry, I ain't as proper as my words reflect worth. I'm no more than you wanting to configure a resolution to the chaos presented to the unrecognized pain. Yes, it exists but don't tell if I admit it hurts. I've come to adapt to the realization that all there truly is, is me. as you is you. but damn if I find it irrelevant to enjoy life's ups and downs. are you, reading along? did you find me descending within and away from mindless supervision? losing rhymes in the verbal disconnection of running outta what's considered to be time. wounded and healed by silence and solitude, can you relate? too many questions? ok, I'll make words sound all the same. seems every other line is on repeat so you can follow along. am I wrong? what's your face doing right now? oops, that was another bloop, maybe I shouldn't make a sound. are you, with me? drifting in space to allows moments to pass oh so fast. one day after another as change is needed to let loose before it's all over. onward from a past not worth a fuck. in the now of where am I going into a forbidden forever. ohh how shallow everything has actually become when another isn't the enjoyable factor for the awakening of timeless has already begun. tell me if you're somewhere close. another stranger sneaking up on me from my blindside isn't a temptation I can accept. I'm receding slowly but it feels as if I'm falling beneath the level of comprehension. how is it everyone is only about self? hold on, wait. luv is the most selfish of all. it's seems I'm the opposite of what is considered to me the norm. as like is as invisible as the sun at night. what a life. are you even real? do you exist? to give a lil subtleness to the end approaching rapidly. drastically it rushes through sunsets to obtain what's left. hello! or are you more like me? hidden within. wanting to live. with so much life to give. just reach for a feel in my ribs. the chuckle vibrating my bones is real. shaking the ends of me loose. or is it I'm too far gone? boom. kaboom. I'm cracking and I don't want anyone to see what it is I've tucked away. look away. for me. so I'm not as vulnerable as I seem. as the great solo artist deprived by my own pointless solitude that makes too much sense. people suck. where are you? iv'e been losing ground every single moment since I've become aware of this thing we believe is nothing more than in the now. soon too pass. and then..... 

forgotten when those who encountered us vanish as well. are you there? the difference would comfort the confusion of perishing one at a time. or am I even here long enough to matter? am I fucked in the head? or, am I just supposed to pretend it's all for nothing when we're doomed to ache? in the aftermath of nonexistence, what's any of it matter anyways? we're all just taking turns until someone sticks around long enough for one another to die. are you, mentally losing your shit? your mind? is it ok? wondering where I am? no? it's ok. I don't know who you are either. so anyways.............................

Fitted ball cap

It’s my hat that’s holding my head together. My thinning cap hides my eyes when the head tilts. When the beat doesn’t match the expressions and just wants feel better. I don’t wear snap backs for the havta be fitting to the thought process to eat I’m built. There’s no coming back from the past when the more transformed into the future of me waiting out life to see the sun from under the bill. In the shade is ever I was casted so in the shadows is ever is cool to be. I have something to catch the sweat before it drips into my eyes. So I can witness what’s stands before me. To have a choice in the matters of entanglements attempting to redirect my life. I’m most comfortable when it’s turned backwards bcuz ain’t nothing that’s come my way ever been straight. Not like I have been when they get close enough to the monster wanting to play. So just know if it sounds back sound and the face angles to the floor, I’m avoiding luv.,I just don’t want it no more. Now tell me I’m wrong for hiding my secrets in an ol ball cap that no one’s seen the inside of. All my bs goes into my safe space stitched together with threads. Keeping my truths somewhere outside my head so my piece of mind I can trust. It’s dinette they cannot me read. Worn out thoughts will give a reason to upgrade into a new feel upon the dome. Everything runs a coarse like hole to ventilate stench fumigating from effete I’ve been. Released at its highest point my worries escape to complete the process of my mind being my only home. An had had more purpose than anything that’s ever made me grin…

The return of the cuckoo…

When you wake up one day and the version of you, you wanted to get away from reminds you of who you truly are and it brings you back to life. Bcuz all the smiles and good deeds in the world are outta reach. Bcuz being a better person is over fuckin rated. When that dog wakes back up and everything that hasn’t felt like a norm fades away for the comfort of the fight chases it away. As the calmer side failed to maintain a balance as self needs the shackles removed. No fucks giving flies a set of birds seen in the mirrors image for the memory to chuckle bcuz it doesn’t have to like diddly squat. Needing not to play along for peace when the mind flips the switch to misbehave. The thought lingers, I tried. The smirk moves, who cares. When the old refuses to give in to the subtle bs granted can’t even take. When. It’s past the time of allowing shit. When standing on morals fluctuates when weaving to the bob of flowing with the wind. When the mind finally snaps back into reality and faces aren’t familiar any more. As the growl from within hungers for a lil taste of insanity, wanting to play in pettiness for the game is easy for the win. Even those itty bitty butterflies float in the stomach when the cocoon opens up to release the cuckoo laughing steadily. Warped by life wanting to claim its creation. Knowing it was a genetic mutation instead. When the truths of untold secrets hiding up under the tongue wanna speak. Pour a double shot, tilt the head back and feed whatever energy has provoked the monster wanting nothing more than to be left the fuck alone…