Yet to be one day...

Standing in my ashes that has yet to feel the burn. Teaching lessons of a few things I should've never learned. Flame on, I'm ready to go whenever life is done with me. Awakening with every blink like it could be the last best thing. Fantasizing of the darkness whispering time is nearing it's end. I fear not true fate that'll take me from family n friends. They know my heart feels them until the fire singes me too a crisp. To be taken where my loved ones go to sprinkle me where they've been. A lil here n there so I'm a bit of everywhere. Always closer no matter where their journey finds another who cares. Waiting, I'm patient to be forever gone. Enjoying the ride before The lights are no longer on. Feeling me in the now as the pulse reminds me I'm still alive. Digging in to the inevitable twist of the grind. With a smile coming from within my avatar to touch whoever comes along. Bcuz a vibe can be found in more than a favorite song. Just living life due to there's no wrong way to be. Trying to get it in prior to resting for an eternity stealing my daydreams. In my moment wandering around in the now in which is all there ever is. Never distant from the truth that caresses my lips. In luv with the fact that the pain will eventually fade away. Fighting the heartless beats that flatline, yet to be one day. To leave pieces of me within those willing to witness n acknowledge me the way I do them. Craving to wake up tomorrow to do it all over again!

Ready to go...

Wanting to be done with it all bcuz there's no fuckin enjoyment...

Being so fuckin gone due to there's no truth in fulfillments...

Existence swings blows at times that knock the life outta smiles...

Hops disintegrates before eyes as time takes too long that removes the inner child...

Worth didn't have the same feel as it did when careless was a thing...

As words could ramble on as they stumble upon a rhythm in which they could sing...

To hear the pity off heart call out prior to the end coming for keeps.

Silently whispering in the dark is the age of fuck it all having no more needs.

N on n on n on depths dwell behind closed doors losing self.

None of feels like pleasure anymore so why believe there's any help.?.

Here I go...

Moving in. Here I go. I hope she's ready for this. I gotta make a move. I need to shuffle my feet. Step up. Approach her in true form. Give get something to trust. But is it I that she wants? Wait! What if she's so on someone else?  Try before she escapes. I have one chance. The infamous first impression. N yet I hesitate. Never to speak of real intensions. Loosen up n go for it. Why am I hushed? Losing out on a beautiful thing that's very possible to come true. Bcuz who am I with the way the game is so up. There's the detail that could go either way. Although I could be labeled thirsty asf. Her, at least it's know. Damn, only if I had it in me to wiggle my gums. Would I rather hold on to the thought so it never did? Os let get know n watch her fade? For shits  giggles say something! Oh to feel more than the way I do hey name. Ok. Here I go. In the opposite direction bcuz she's done said she ain't looking for no one. N there went luv...

You're not the one...

I just want you to be everything I need you to be. But I can't ask you to alter yourself to be what I need. Realities are harsh when interactions are like a faint breathe and then they're gone. As self can't chang Antonia than one already haa to obtain a luv that vanity hear the song. Yep to have you in the envision of my mind would create a world I could fall into. Although that would take you outta your natural eminent and that's just not you. So the acceptance has come to pass as I leave you be who you truly are. Just don't ever wonder of the remaining contents within my heart. Years will remove the memories and time will bring another willing to stand where you refuse to be by side. So this is goodbye and try to enjoy your life...

Tell me...

Tell me, how does it feel to fall for someone like me? When I'm just another face in the crowd wanting to live the dream. I ask bcuz I wonder if the crave will we go the distance before too soon becomes us parting ways. I guess my curiosity drifts with the thoughts of am I good enough? Am I what your depths cling to as the answer to luv? Tell me, is this as real as you make it out to be or are we just buying time? Taking my heart into consideration in your hands as a friend do I ease your mind? I'd like to know before life switches up and leaves me with memories I don't wanna recall. Is there any possibility that I could be that one person that creates an inner thaw? Making it harder on a daily to ever think of going without me by your side. Has the sky landed for you to live in the cloud you sought out giving the change to live on a consistent high? Tell me, where do I fit in to settling of your nerves? I'd like to believe in your world scared as it's for I have one of my own that there's a common worth. But I'm not sure bcuz I've never seen truth stare me down. So you see I don't know what to look for if it were to even present itself out loud. Tell me, how far beyond no return have you crossed over into the forever of emotion that's willing to rush it all? To hear it come from your lips expressed with three lil words would mean so much. As I fall into you listening to you tell me, trust...

you're too late...

I'd go under the radar with you just to surface with you as a friend. And in the middle of getting to know one another we could be defined in the time we spent. It may not be much to you but it would be everything to me. I'd come from the time down as a better version of living completely and totally free. With you next to me I'd fall as if I could every be caught. If you understand that I'm even so much more than gone. Ready to get lost in your arms holding on for dear life. Making every moment count nas we love so far pay the shallowness of the hype. I'd be real with intent when no one had a single eye on the making of us. Just to find my other half not giving a fuck what others thought of you and I creating a luv for us. If be damned of I never swept you off of your feet the way you crave to be felt. And yes I have it on me to explore pieces of me I keep to myself. For you I'd break the chains that restrict my emotions from opening up. Bcuz I feel you already as we haven't even touched. But I'm selfish with my heart and don't wanna give it away. So I believe this is goodbye before we ever met face to face. So if we never meet know I have up prior to you every finding me. N that I got tired of waiting as I found n different sense of forever free. I found me listening to my heart in every song while you took your time to get over everyone that was never me in the makings. But also know I'm no longer dating. You simply want there when I actually need a friend of my own. As I figure out that desperation is the source of the never ending hope. So toodles is how I'll leave you wondering if we'd ever hit it off. Even after everything without you I truly felt lost...

for a lil while...

Being upbeat n positive 24/7 is just to much to try to do. Sometimes to sink in n feel what life is within just helps self move. In true form willing to be exposed in ways real has many sides to show. In moments alone smiling in a different way bcuz it's not for everyone to know. Taking time to self so the feeling of being alive isn't always about the hype. Instead it's looking onwards to see what there is to find. As the settling of the heart's contents is allowed to live. Finding a melody in the dark worth riding the rhythm missed. With no one around to interfere with the natural flow. With the world somewhere else n everywhere self doesn't wanna be the night moves slow. Tapping out of reality into the purist state of letting go. Glad to be alive n tucked into a place called home. Ignoring everything outside for just a lil while. With an endless stretch of a perfect smile. In a different mindset  knowing others will never understand. Happy as fuck to simply be at the end of another day again. With no pressure to fill in n act like everyone else trying so fucking hard to be exactly the same. In sync with self like no other can ever rearrange the expressions upon the face. It's a dangerously content place to be. But the peace, oh, the piece gained is so free...

Listening to, feels like rain by John Hiatt...

Up n under u...

Imagine me putting everything i have on the line. To watch you enjoy sliding down me as you come to life. Tapping into uncharted depths. As your facial expressions switch up to show the truths of what lingers in your chest. Inching it in until the bottom is swallowed up by our bodies becoming flush. Slowly grinding to the feel of girth touch every lil thing, including luv. As one with your hormones riding as your hips swing. Deep is the claim of sexuality coming out to play with moans that sing. Up and down and around with a in and out kind of game. Working me over while it's your turn up top. Gaining speed from soft porn in motion not wanting to stop. Slowing it back down as my hands chase your breasts. Gripping a squeeze that excites your grunts climbing out of your chest. Settle on down and be still for a moment as i pulsate within you. Bet you'd go again when i twist your nips to ignite a use. Leaning in closer as you sit on me to steal a kiss. With lips nibbled on as eyes connect before the kiss. Creating a crave to do me until the freak in you is awake with me tied to the bed. Something convinces me that you'll try to get me too tap out first so your ego is fed. As i won't mind you spinning around for me to see what that azz is worth. Lifting up off of me to have a seat on my face as you grip my girth. Giving me a chance to savor the taste prior to you demanding me to cum in your hole. Then crawl back down and insist on taking the monster whole. Allowing it to feel it's not alone. Bouncing with a lil skill focused on my toes. I believe you'd pop a few more times knowing you have total control. As we become a dirty lil satisfying secret echoing off the walls. Getting it the way we like it until the final orgasm unites us captured in a pause. Cumming simultaneously hard as fuck to the thrill of expectations met. As you lay back on me to whisper, you ain't done yet. Leaving me naked and restrained with a chuckle so cute. Right before i feel your tongue begin to move. Making a grown man quiver and twitch with a growl. Taming the beast within me that you've somehow found...

i'm coming in hot...

I'm coming in hot so u can feel the rush.

So u can get back to the basics of luv.

Singeing every last bad emotion u have.

Brace yourself bcuz imma do it fast.

Taking u back to your rarest form before alarms.

N imma cut the edges from your heart.

Deeper than you've ever felt the burn.

Taking the weight away for it's irrelevant things worn.

You have no need for any of it anymore.

I'm dropping in from above to heal what's been torn.

Like a wrecking ball knocking out the nonsense.

There's no point in playing with the delusional concept.

I'm reaching in with my bare hands like a work of art.

To light your wick so u can feel the spark.

Molding your emotions back into shape.

I'm wasting no time to help you escape.

Diving in to you to drain your pain.

Pulling the plug so you don't drown in migraines.

Here comes a friend like you've never known.

Hold still for you're no longer alone.

Imma do the dirty work too bring you back.

The other side cannot have you but can have your past.

You don't belong to the nothingness anymore.

It's time to live life n allow your spirit to soar...

paramour...

making luv and feeling the sensual vibe.

taking over the cherished heart and the overthinking mind.

moving with an subtle ease from start to finish.

with no sex involved is the contants of my wish list.

flowing naturally with motions that never end.

in tuned with the pulses coming from a friend.

loosening inner makings to truly wake up.

damn, i'd like to fall in luv.

enticed by the strokes that are felt below.

beneath the surface creating a home.

as a sense of passion that comes to life.

i wanna show me to a likewise chime.

as the music within reaches out.

becoming close to hear whispers leaving the mouth.

to do more than remember a scent that drives me wild.

i'd like to find someone who is still alive with their inner child.

able to drift with the current rushing from the depths.

sighing in intimate moments taking each breath.

having an emotion so rare it cannot be tamed.

i wanna hear that one person say my name.

in luv with the natural being forever unique.

mesmerized with eyes staring only at me.

devoted and calming in palms holding on.

i wanna be embraced by my paramour.

I don't have it in me...

I don't understand why there's a rotation of faces. Only if someone could help me relate to the information. Why do people crave another before the end comes around. It don't make sense to start something just to never speak their name from their mouth. Tasting a new flavor of syllables upon the tongue. As easy as one claims how the heart is so fucking in luv. Maybe I don't have it in me to keep opening up over n over again. Is it that there's no true meaning behind friends? Tap on in n shine the light on the situation n tell it like it is. To a non-believer of emotions who drives too deep when worth is exposed. In a way the answer creates no doubts. But do it without making a single pipsqueak of a sound. Times slipping away with the memories trying to remember what it was like. N for the life of me I cannot recall there purpose beyond there hype. I'm outta touch n avoid fingertips wanting beneath the skin. But it's the coming of the going that cracks the laughter in the ribs. For I do not comprehend the reason of relations when hope is no more than a desperation needing its fix. When alone eases the mind n unravels the twist. Especially when giving self away to strangers confuses my well being. Knowing damn well for a brief moment they promise they're never leaving. That they're different but every scenario is always the same. Round after round alone sneaks up n gives truth to the game. Changing the feel good into a quiet storm that waiting it out. I don't get how desires can be do anything more than entertain luvr's that go down. Drift in a convo n spit no lies. I'm digging in but cannot feed into the selfish insanity of mine. Then letting go of someone willing to stick around. One might as well rip open the chest n bury the contents into the ground. Giving the same silly babes to everyone that comes along. From hun to babe to luv to bea why doesn't it feel so wrong. Why the constant pattern when the results are what they are. Finding self looking into another set of eyes soon to close n reignite the alarms. One two three four, how many will it take to get it right. I don't have it in me to repeat the never ending fight. I have no more towels to throw in bcuz I quit. U can keep your lips...

say yes...

Lemme wind you up with thy tongue n then watch you tick. Going down on your luv with a gentleness stroking your lips. Hoping the bomb explodes like a Roman candle multiple times. Lemme into your life... Allow me to open you up. I'll take care of your meds as if they're my own. From the bedroom to the couch where the cuddling feels touched. Wet can settle in n create a home. Cook a lil something before you become dessert. Spread out on the table as our mouths do their thing. Taste buds enjoying the crave satisfisfaction of swirling like the wand of a wizard. I want in. I want it. I want you. Giveth thy attention n try not to twitch. I wanna work you loose. Forcing your buddy to react to me. Feel the intent with your legs spread wide. Draped over my back n bent at the knees. Bringing u out from the inside. Tempting your noises to come out n play. Unable to leave u alone. N changing that excision upon your face. I'll be your very own hoe. Fine tuning u to sync with my desires. As it's my passion in willing to give. Skillfully lighting it fire. Asdjusting your smile by teaing ur clit. Tugging on a look of wtf as your thighs clinch my head. Down on u, I wanna be the one. Twisting n turning lemme take u to bed. N when I'm done, with I I'll call in luv...

a moment of truth...

Fuuuuck everyone you've came across.

I'm not them so I will not own their flaws.

Just lemme show you who is opening up.

Inches from the confirmation of touch.

Feel me sink in to the linger flowing within.

All I can ever be is me looking at you with a grin.

It's on you to lay to rest prior pains.

Giving my a real chance to have something to gain.

For it's from here until who knows when for us to be defined.

As I'm in the now with you bcuz I can't get you off my mind.

Accept me extend a friendship worth the memories to be made.

I have my end in things until life as we know it fades.

Nothing up to this has any significance to who we are together.

I would like to hold you as more than just a luv'r.

We both know we're not getting any younger as time ticks.

And you'll never taste a lie sitting upon my lips.

All I can ask is for you to consider me as I am.

To witness for yourself how gentle my hands are your fan.

The simpleness of it is old is where I wanna be with you.

Looking back at this moment as chuckles shake us loose.

Believe in me as the addition you seek.

It's your choice to live as your version of free.

I'm just waiting around for the truth to look me in the eyes.

If I'm not it I'll go live my life.

But not until you've seen my inner makings come out to play.

As you listen to the way I say your name...

either way...

I'm okay with don't alone but I wanna live. Idk of that makes sense. I do want the feeling I one felt to find me again. Only if I could meet my last best friend. My friends W hollow n waiting for the fulfillment of that burning fire. A luv they won't expire. But it's alright if I fade away on my own. List is a word that can go wherever it wants to looking for hope. Or maybe it'll be just me on the end. Chuckling with what's been wasted n trapped in the chest. I won't be mad b but I did have feel alive. Fighting the good fight. It's just not a choice Antonia but a wonder ofy lol chance. One to show me to a tender hand. Knowing emotions ain't shit without a bff. Although I may just lay to rest before I'm deaf. Enjoying a different kinds peace. Even though the mind would like to do more than daydream. N I don't believe it matters either way it goes. A home is a home...

out and about...

From the depths I've climbed to live.

Trapped for so long behind the cage like ribs.

No longer stuck in the dead hollow waste.

One pulse is all it took to feel more than the pain.

Oh the life that fills thy lungs.

I remember what it is like to luv.

So up I went.

Revived and redefined to become the difference.

Reaching for hope to pull me from the fall.

From the quick sand I rose redirecting my own thoughts.

Feet finding stability in believing in me.

Untamed and free.

Loosening to the feel of lingering along.

Inside out I can't go wrong.

Alive the beast craves for more.

Allowed to thrive and heal what was torn.

I escaped from myself in one piece.

With myself and every last dream.

Weightless I am the answer lifting me up.

Eyes opened to see I gained my trust...

when are you you?

Without me, what would you do?

Without me, what would you lose?

Without me, where would you go?

Without me, where would you call home?

Without me, would you ever luv again?

Without me, would you hold another's hand?

Without me, will you be ok?

Without me, will you forget my name?

Without me, could you still feel me close?

Without me, could you get used to being alone?

Without me, is there any other on your mind?

Without me, is us gonna live or die?

Without me, are your plans gonna stay focused?

Without me, are you gonna feel utterly hopeless?

Without me, who's gonna hold you tight?

Without me, who's more then a linger in life?

Without me, does your heart have a chance?

Without me, does your legs wanna dance?

Without me, when will you tell the truth?

Without me, when are you you?

Every night it rains...

It's raining. Where are your at? I went and got some finger foods and i was gonna rub for back. Candles are lit. Music on low. Damn, tonight's a good night to act full grown. Relaxing together. Loosening up. Settling in to the mood of luv. The movie is ready. The bed is waiting. I just need you to shoot through bcuz I've missed you here lately. There's a bottle to sip. Chuckles to create. I wanna feel the comfort of your lips. I'm here. Alone with myself. Forgetting we've never met to be felt. My mind is gone. But i talk to you though. You won't remember but we found hope. So find me. I'll be the one looking at you. The one listening the sound of rain call a truce. I'm all cleaned up. My best smile stretched from ear to ear. And ores your choice I'd like to hear. Talking as we lay about. Calm and still. As emotion begins to overspill. Porch light is on. Come on in. Only if you knew where i lived...