It's hard. Luvn you holding another. I'm finding it difficult every moment of the day. Idk if I'm broken in a way I jus can't let go or hurt beyond repair. I do know I miss you one. But to ever go another round with the easy you luv scares the shit outta me if it were ever possible. Time aches for you as I linger through life ashamed of what I've become. Seems I gave everything I had to you of all people. The only one in my eyes that I couldn't help but to lay me on the line for. You once asked me why me, refering to yourself. Why me? And all I could say is, I jus can't help myself. Ur Mandy! As u followed with another question of what's do special about that? I don't think you'll ever understand what you meant to me. What I seen in you and felt and still do tryin this day than prolly live inside of me unused as life will forever drag out without you. Your in my every thought clinging to me. Holding me back from every giving anyone the time they will ever deserve. Guess I truly did fall in luv with you after all huh? What I said was real. I'll luv you til the end of my time and no one can ever take that from me. Do you remember that? Can you recall how lost in luv I was with you? Yeah, now I'm lost in another way damn near begging myself to just let the fuck go. Yet I can't. I've tried. Literally told myself I'm better off because I know for a fact that you are my kryptonite. Only if you knew that the friend I told you I was hasn't given up. Only if you woulda believed in me the way I did in you. I promised you you'd always have someone, at least one person that card enough to be there for you. As that was never a lie. Shit just got sideways and I couldn't help but to save myself. You forgotten who I was to you. But I've forgiven you. There is no hatred in my heart everytime you cross my mind. Just a lonely feeling of living without you til the day I die. I do apologize for my part in the chaos we shared towards the end. I hadn't a clue on how to have the depth of emotions that pleaded not in desperation to stand by your side but because the luv that still remains for you is honestly yours if ever you

the only one

even though my heart belongs only to u.
I will never surrender it's lonely use.
for the easy it felt on it hand to wind up hopeless.
it's emotion turned on me n find me useless.
with every crave that opened up to ur face.
I gave away what I was without a welcoming embrace.
I'll fever be always in luv only with u in my secrets.
yet ever the chance I'd run away with reason.
I was handicapped to ur relentless will.
turn from limb to limb as I ached ached so still.
I fell into u without a way out cuz I had no need to return.
thought my questions were answered as they were heard.
damn near ran outta my mind without u here.
after holding on to the one I wanted most of all I went there.
like a fool believing in actions that never met reality.
u took me from within n rearranged Luvs stability.
I stood next to u through the thick n thin to be left empty.
knowing a lifestyle took u away cuz I know u still loved me.
n til the day life slips from me I will remain urs.
no one has nor ever will dig that deep down into my core.
as I'll remedy what it felt like to feel u on my world.
Mandy Morgan will always be my only girl.
it's jus sad how u felt u need to go live elsewhere beneath the same sky.
cuz what you'll never know is I carry ur touch with pride.
in my mind I've come to accept what we had is gone.
lost due to ur incapability to realize I was more than a pawn.
yet my emotions are all but done n won't allow u to fade.
tryin to find u in others that jus can't compare to u claimed.
here but absent as the luv awaits goin to waste thank prolly never feel I again.
as it clings to the only present that ever made a difference to this man.
in my quietly kept u reside surfing the waves in my heart.
playing in the horizons display laying with my in the sands doing it part.
one in which u jus don't know exists beneath my expressions.
of why I was forced to save myself from it careless decisions.
the feeling lives one, it's unbound by time to want to luv u.
n I'm guessing you'll go without understanding ur use.
as I'd luv to show u once again who u truly are to me.
n give u purpose of what I mean that u are my only dream.
yet days tic n nights find the void laying next to an other that could never be u.
it's an endless luv that refuses to die that holds the proof.
but to actually live my life out with u was never a sure thing.
we wore the bond that satisfied my desires when u put on that ring.
n I'm falling apart still to this day piece by piece.
cuz ur all I somehow jus for some reason didn't receive.
as if the truth were ever to be told, I'd collapse into u as my kryptonite.
I'd set aside the time ur worth in my eyes to figure u in my sights.
it's a brutal reality lingering on not knowing if ur happy or held when ur sad.
cuz I was there with the weight that was never to heavy as u crashed.
leaving me stranded n dis attached from everything I was tryin to do.
walking amongst strangers trying to find a friend spooked.
that if u could do me the way u did, they will to.
n there only thing I truly wanted was to luv u.
funny how that's exactly what I got once all was said n done.
I shoulda been more specific to the terms n told u i wanted to be ur one.
cuz now I'm the only one in this relationship that no one even u knows exists.
sitting in the middle of life i guess ur the only one that'll ever be missed.