Mandy And Butchie

This story all began back in the early 80’s with two kids who’s mothers were friends. One girl named “Mandy” and the boy “Butchie”. As the clock started to tick, the hands of time allowed two children to form an unspoken crush. Neither knew of the others secret as both would have liked to speak their mind. But they were scared to do so. This act went on for a few years as eyes gazed and stares went unnoticed. When Mandy would get in trouble, Butchie found a way to be there sitting in trouble most of the time. Seemed the two of them were on their way to something special. Then as quick as they could blink, time changed course. Mandy was gone without warning. Leaving the young man wondering different things.

Through many distant years the two of them often wondered what happened to one another. Who are they now? Where are they? And as kids and marriage was put into the mix of life’s little game. They found themselves with someone that was not meant for them. Yet, time kept spinning with the world as the two grew and learned of themselves. All at the same time they hid inside a dream of having someone the same as themselves. One who understood them and in which they came. Accepting them as they truly were internally was a necessity. But who could it be, if anyone at all?

It was early 2010 when Butchie was off doing his thing. A proud dad finally trying to do things the right way for once as lessons seemed to be learned. Thinking one day he thought of Mandy like he did on and off through the years. As she to often thought of him. Butchie went looking for her through friends and family on face book. Hoping she did indeed have one. Finding it was not as hard as years before, Butchie came across her. A friend request was sent as he sat in a moment of silence staring. He waited for a few days before Mandy accepted. Then a few more for her to respond, but she never did. Mandy did not know who he was for he was all grown up and looked so much different. She paid the friendship no mind. But who was to blame her, Mandy seemed to have a marriage and children. Life appeared to be good to her. All the time she wanted out of what she never truly wanted to begin with. Feeling lost they both remained on an endless road, with the unfulfilled feelings of will it ever end? Is this the way their lives were meant to be? Unhappy and knowing there was something else.

Giving up Butchie turned towards another a short time later. Unwillingly leaving the past where it laid he still paid her attention quietly. Yet Mandy started to get curious of who he was, and why they shared a friend on face book. Following Butchie and forming a kind of attraction she could not explain. Mandy here and there read his posts and looked at his pictures. Wondering how there was something about him that got to her as she in her own was trying to move on with her life, saving money. Nothing was ever said.

As August rolled around Butchie sat at his mother’s grave pleading in prayer to give him direction. He felt something going wrong fast and was tired of playing games. For the first time ever he had loved another and he prayed as his relations was failing. In the mean time, Mandy still struggled on how she new Butchie. Peeking in on his life and feeling bad for what he was going through for months, as he lived through good times and bad. Without even knowing why she was drawn to him. Months flew as days felt as if something and someone was truly missing in their lives.

November 28, 2010 was on a Sunday. Butchie noticed something was wrong with Mandy as she seemed upset. This was the first sign he saw that there was a problem taking place in her life. For he periodically scoped out her face book page wondering and watching secretively. Mandy showing of something other than happiness bothered him as Butchie left her a question mark as if asking what was wrong. Nothing came of it until later that night when she was curious herself of his own situation he faced. Knowing Butchie was going through a breakup, Mandy asked if he and his girlfriend ever made up. He replied, no. This was the start of something long over due.

Butchie was almost speechless as if he was a little boy sitting next to her in trouble all over again. It looked as if his prayer had been answered. Could it be? Man it would be nice Butchie thought. The two of them eventually got around to rattling on about him moving back to the north side of Columbus Ohio where they were from. Yet, Mandy still did not know why she was attracted to him or even why she asked him anything. All she knew of him was he was a cute good looking guy who had just been crushed. Mandy did not know who he was. Now only knowing they were from the same neighborhood. Butchie quickly picked up on this and began to throw out hints of who he was by saying things. Dropping hints like, I know your mother and brother, to what block he lived on. Confusing Mandy, he was trying to help her realize who she was actually talking to. It was not until he mentioned who his own mother was that it clicked in her head that it was Butchie. This could have been avoided if she would have just looked a little closer to his family list on his profile. Yet, at this moment Mandy threw her laptop into the air in excitement. “OMG I know him!” Smiling ear to ear, uncontrollably as there was a ten to fifteen second pause. Now having the chance to know unanswered questions Butchie himself had nearly given up on just a few months earlier.

Butchie stopped biting his tongue for once and told Mandy he had a serious crush on her when they were children. Mandy replied, “So did I”, blowing his mind as well as hers. This was something the two somehow unconsciously waited for, not knowing the other felt the same way. Slowly they caught up and found themselves as one in the same with each other. They were almost the same person as they walked two different lives that were so much alike.

Unspoken they wanted to know why each other lived within them. Craving for years going on to long apart, they were face to face with a couple of dates and meeting up. Slowly they were falling in love one conversation at a time. Finding their one, they eventually moved in together as the nights became too long to spend without one another any longer. Happiness and fulfillment completly filled their hearts. Minds finding who each other had become and where they have been gave so much closure after all. They liked who they had become. Feeling the comfort in who they now held. They were thankful they prayed for change. It seemed like an eternity as they were apart. But everything was perfect and not long there after a ring slid down the finger of love as Mandy smiled in acceptance. Bringing great joy too Butchie. Love was finally found! This was it and they both knew it. Something Mandy and Butchie felt they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. For they believed they found the one they were meant for as the feeling was very much mutual.

May 26, 2012. A day true love is joined as they wed in the eyes and hearts of the beholders

filled with compassion

quietly i speak whispers soft enough the tongue can taste but can not feel the movement sneaking by.
as if a hush has escaped the lips without touching the air caressing its presence into this world at its birth.
flowing smooth through the mouth as it slides free into invisible letters forming with minimal sound filled with compassion.
i sit and try to catch the emotion released with ease in a direction in which it pleases every letter expressed out loud.
opened to a love exhaled from the lungs as i sigh a weezing breath trying to catch what is left collapsing within.
with drifting thoughts shown in actions only the eye can believe the sway of their soundless intentions moving in perfect rhythm.
i felt you as you entered my heart and become one with my mind as i tease myself on how to express what is going on inside.
unable to bring it to true form of what it is you mean to me in ways your smell drives me madly insane.

FOUND ME WITHIN MY CORE, ALIVE AND LIVING. SMILING.

been deep. found me. new points of view. once had not a clue. old reasons no longer me. becoming a dream. bottled thoughts. coming up lost. freed self.regained my health. found true love. sent from above. bodies only but a port. FOUND ME WITHIN MY CORE. hand in hand. standing in mind a man. surrounded by love. pain is gone. ALIVE AND LIVING. opened i'm giving. been there. now back here. i fit the scene. this is me. good where i sleep. night slowly creeps. looking forward to waking. i'm SMILING.

another way of thinking

im not dying to become number one. in my lifetime i just want feel the sun. upon my flesh as it sits in a pausing crawl. long enough before the body falls. somewhere within me i want to open up and fully find. a better place to sooth the mind. with a reason why we all exist. instead of death leaving us alone and bitterly pissed. to live is all i ask. yet i've learned there is so much more to life than that. as an atheist i stand looking for a new way of thinking. i've been inside myself and i can not find the answers i am seeking. yet the bible is man made. leaving me in a confused sense of daze. i trust this not. somehow this has got to stop. how does man know what a god intends? to have this answered, i'd be willing to bend. lost inside where i found comfort in words before. the human language no longer help this mans core. so i am open to another way. i just do not think i'll find it today. i am simply a man willing to believe. it is just not as easy for me to retrieve. for my head can not wrap around its reasoning. religion has not been my flavor nor seasoning. and as i walk with purpose as a human doing all i can. to make it another day before my legs no longer allow me to stand. i feel something else in my future. yet it feel as if it is just so far away until i can rid myself of my very own monster.

Hearts Part

As you set simmering in a steaming heat in my mind,

I am captivated by your endless sighs.

Easy and still to a pure beat vibed from the heart,

All in all that is not the best part.

I am learnin to truly appreciate what love really is,

This is the love for the longest I wished.

It is you and only you that will get my best,

Put my love and free will to the test.

It is your unexplainable love that lingers,

Gripping like a tightened hug clinging with gentle fingers.

I feel you deeper than a relaxing massage,

Way down you have been invited to lodge.

Sinkin all settled and snuggled warm in my chest,

I have come to realize your so much more than the rest.

In you will invest my heart,

Givin u my end of time til death do us part.

on my way

i looked and waited, yet played in the meantime.
walked alone and with another working, i never visualized.
stood still long enough to keep things moving.
i fell once to show i knew how to love and it was soothing.
selfish intentions grew within knowing it would end.
always searching for that one i never thought imagined.
true to only self, i lied to ease my own pain.
telling fibs of a love i did not share, for it was my life to be tamed.
playing a self centered game of it's all about me.
trying to find my groove to lay low and live a love so free.
i am human and been on both sides of love as it time and time again came back to never.
i damn near got broke once, yet i surfaced stronger than ever.
more clearer than i was the day before i learned.
been three strikes and out and never to return.
i was a man consumed by a woman's sexual touch.
asshole was my middle name numerous times over and such.
cheating my way along as i gave them all my manly given talents of lust.
waking up i found myself wanting more than i was giving, somewhere along the lines of trust.
i left a bad place in time and re-amerged a man sometime later.
tried out a few lovers that went bye bye as memories fade with her.
one in which i could feel and another i gave my heart.
yet coming out of the storm as the rain cut loose and given a fresh start.
i was sent someone i've dreamed of to the present day.
i am mearly a man and that is more than i was yesterday.
growing, i reinvent me as i learned from my past.
now true to someone other than self at last.
i can sleep knowing i found my groove on the other side of lust.
it wasn't long ago i gave a real attempt at love.
and i to fell short even though it should have never been more than a....
i felt one other the way i do now but this one i have is so much better than a...
to compare them she would win by far.
my all time favorite one of all that i've come across earning scars.
so i guess i've only loved one til now.
making it two with a possible that never got off the ground.
and as i sit and confront feelings that i've experienced in my time.
i realize i'v found the perfect woman for me that fills me inside.
seems i had to do a few things before i was allowed to have her as my wife.
showing the man within has helped complete happiness in my life.
finding him has shown i am the man i want to become without a doubt.
and it is noticed everyday i awaken to a beauty in and out.
i am in a groove in love, with my one.
far from the man i claimed i was.

The woman within

Ur the best I’ve ever known.

I love in which you have grown.

A woman so alive inside.

And from me you refuse to hide.

I love the way u play as u walk.

With those eyes as you pause.

Giving interest in my direction.

You are simple perfection.

The way u love me is remarkable.

I feel u deep enough I find u irreplaceable.

It’s the woman within your soul I crave.

The one that opened up and gave.

A love worth more than life itself.

My heart moves on from a mode of stealth.

Just a touch keeps me on my feet.

A kiss seems to drop me to my knees.

Loving u has become a thrill living within.

Coming out speaking I love you as I grin.

You have become the only one that has ever fulfilled me.

It’s all in the way u love thee.

Who you are, is what I wan tin my life.

To a T u fit the silhouette in my mind.

I am so in love with everything about u.

This love I feel is the only thing iv ever felt so true.

You and I in the middle of the night.

Is something I never thought would come to life.

Holding you is a breath taking experience to say the least.

Just to be near u pleases and soothes the beast.

All I want in this life is for you to smile.

Just so everything I do for this is worth the while.

You see, you are the one I want to please.

Live my life out with as this reads.

ALWAYS IN LOVE ONLY WITH YOU!

I am so in love with you!

This thing is forever.

Something I’ve said as never.

No one has ever pulled me from one reality to another.

I am so happy to have you as more than a lover.

Speaking in this way brings me to one possibility.

I am in love with u and I can see your invisibility.

Noticing the woman you are and want to become as a beautiful individual.

My love, u are truly irreplaceable.

As one day I will bow on one knee.

And beg only you, pretty please.

on the other side of.............................

on the other side.
lets get lost and hide.
where the sun never shows face.
lets make our own pace.
as the day breaks.
lets run faster into the nights escape.
far away from the light.
where eyes struggle to focus on sight.
as sound takes control and touch concurs.
where taste is more sweeter under the covers.
lets play in the dark.
find what it means to do our part.
where to warmth is only met by contact.
as we try to keep our feelings intact.
lets lay in the still of the moment.
and find a love more than potent.
drift to the opposite of the never end of here.
as we listen to the sounds only we can hear.
open up in the grasp of a lover.
lets, as one of us hovers.
somewhere where the visual effect is at a loss.
where orgasms seem to want to pause.
within the heated passion as we thrive.
and all other senses come alive.
falling close enough into the morning.
as we step backwards into what we were enjoying.
lets find our way so deep in love.
on the other side of.............................

blah........................... not feelin a damn thing.
disgruntle... need some time to swing.
grrrrr................. i feel like snappin.

still

giggles and laughter heard from the other room out of the eyes sight.
sounds of enjoyment filling the air in between all i ever wanted.
happiness fills the room as i feel i'm finally doing something right.
chuckles breaking ribs as i can hear the bonding performing what's been added.
listening i am frozen still and i become one with the moment that is taking place.
friendships and family forming within these walls as one.
a home has been found for all to do their part as i give chase.
pictures rocking from the romping, set straight when done.
we have found our place as we slowly start to settle for the night itself to rest.
i love yous speak of times coming together building more than life can break.
then silent breaths sleep in comfort side by side at their best.
the house has get quiet as dreamland opens its restless gate.
as i sit still and hold my love deep into the night with my soon to be wife.
i catch a tear ass it tries to hide for whom i am holding so tight.
talking i realize this is what i've looked and longed for all my life.
kissing and snuggling we lay still long enough before we say good night.

changing often

changes. often as five to ten years. everyone's somehow different. never fails. to change together is a task. sticking like glue. becoming more than life allows. it can be done. if those around you are able to see this angle. it's not as easy as listening to the wind. nor watching life pass you by. changes. all of us are subject. put through the tests time pushes upon us. who we are is not who we'll become. two different people. and many in between. everyone likes to say they'll never or have never changed. this is a lie. an unrealized false statement that needs corrected. you see, all of us grow and learn. constantly reinventing ourselves. falling into ourselves. finding our way. showing our own face. who are we really? if we just are not ourselves as yesterdays standards? but more than who we started out as. raw and untrained. fresh out the gate. knowing nothing. all in the same. from point a to point b. finding point c through z. z being forever asleep. getting it in. changing every so often due to situations at hand. possibly because of another. for better or worse. we all fight for our own true friend within us. unable to forget the one in which we were. yet a little smarter than what we use to be. more real. wiser. giving the shit right back in which it was dealt. from knowing the boundaries we are willing to tempt to the other lines left drawn in the dirt. blowing away as they fade with the past. gaining ground as it falls away from behind. mind set changed forever. we are forced by change to live. living to be the one within our skin. under them armor. between the dreams and reality. knowing self the best. we all change as we're changing often. more rapidly than most. slower than others in some circumstances. yet, all in all. change is needed. like a baby before it is complete and it's face has become grown. if left alone. no one will recognize the change. shaping without trying into something else. in and out. changing often.

"useless tear drop"

released wet and loose.
escaping emotion.
bulging out.
bubble like mirrors.
leaking.
showing all.
slipping away.
rolling in a stream.
picking up speed.
halting.
for a moment to spare.
cliff dangling.
taking in the scene.
building it rises.
clinging to gravity.
dripping as it's free.
pulled from face.
falling forming a point.
devilish horn.
bottom rounded for the cushion.
faster as it descends.
closer than it wants.
fate bound.
wind controlled.
blowing in the breeze.
delivering a final blow.
splattered and spread thin.
moist puddles at their end.
standing still.
evaporating.
leaving not a single trace.
all for nothing.
nothing for all that's felt.
useless tear drop.
weakness giving in.
none sense found.
cry for what?
yet not so tough?

it's in the way

it's in the way words are mumble and quietly unspoken.
unheard of sounds bouncing a symphonic rhythm.
how the vibes ricochets off ever end of the nerve.
beating on the best beat in ones endless musical system.

it's in the way two hearts connect as they collide.
in a rare perfect harmonic passion filled balance.
uncontrolled and untamed by the unwritten laws of fate.
all under the minds sneaky peripheral surveillance.

it's in the way of finding out who self has become.
rewriting the book on an untold story on the both ends of tears.
sitting still long enough to find ones only direction.
looking inward to watch glory slowly come into focus and appear.

it's in the way of a so long over due stare.
searching through the eyes to find what one seeks.
how the shape of the opening tells as it is presented.
showing an interest sweeping one off their feet.

it's in the way verbal communication in not so shy but silent.
letting lips take control as two feel the surging power.
tasting the heavy pants of one in which has stolen them away.
slipping together into a long steaming hot shower.

it's in the way touch can be felt without feeling nothing but a breeze.
being teased without a finger being landed as one is being pleasured.
caressing a lover so they fall onto their time line of feeling loved.
tickled and drove crazy from a single rub as light as a feather.

it's in the way a hover is as close enough to play.
the way one gasps as they have never been taken for their air.
no longer pretending what one has possible found.
for they have the moment held in between them as it is being shared.

it's in the way of time pausing as if it were standing still.
opening up for another to bring out all the matters to the real you.
grabbing a hold of all the good within to make the best of the day.
and expressing what is ever so deeply true.

the way it curves

i dont know if its the shape or the way it curves.
i never thought id step to you let lone have the nerve.
theres something in the way your smile lights up my day.
i dont know if its the way it speaks in perfect rhythm allen ray.
theres somehting about it that drives me out of myself.
watching it round up fills me with a loving wealth.
i dont know if its the sound escaping from your greatness.
all i know is i am in love with your unselfishness.
willing to allow your smile to show how you feel for me.
and it means more than this world could ever to me.
i dont know how its possible it has the power it does.
it stares me down, telling me this is what is and always was.
as your face seems to explode with happiness in my direction.
i find my smile as well releasing my inner most emotions.
i dont know, i cant figure it out.
to be honest i dont ever want to, as long as you hang around...

ssh, listen

listen, ssh ssh. quiet. listen to its sound. listed to the tone being used.
do you hear it? listen to the volume. is it something you are willing to be use to?

how does it sound from the distance you keep? from where you sit, ssh. listen. what do you think about the words expressed? do you feel confident. are your insides being given.

pay attention just long enough. absorb what is being twisted. you can hear everything and the way it was meant to be said. only if you listen. ssh. hush your jibs. feel the pitter patter pulsating as you lay in bed.

hold it in. find meaning within what's being spoken. is it the conversation you seek after a long day? completing your everything. listen to the body language moving across your way.

clinging without words slipping from the tongue. lay in a moment of trust and listen to a heartbeat. ssh, don't say anything just yet. take it in as if you were meant to be swept off your feet.

tell yourself why you do as you do day to day. is there a smile hurting your face? or is reality settling in a place giving in? listen to the facts of life and hear what it has to say.

do you hear it whistling on by? what is it telling you, you should do? breathing upon your neck. tickling your ear as it speaks the truth.

listen to the wind of change and decide. enter your mind. come out you once again. behind all the lies avoiding the situation at hand. ssh, listen to someone calling them self your biggest fan.

do you believe them. in the vibrating tone being used? standing side by side. friends forever. becoming that one like no other. paying attention to every letter of together.

closer to anyone that's walked next to you. zip it. listen to the way they trample their feet. is it with ease or heavy vibes tearing down your walls? if soft enough. can hear their smile take shape outside your dreams.

if it is real. wait a minute. listen without sound. you will know without a doubt in your mind. you will have all you need to feel. rushing through silent thoughts hidden behind your sighs.

you'll know by listening to time. in time. ssh, quiet. please. don't speak. listen to the range of motion willing to be shared. open up. see if two hearts can meet.

it's over

let it go, if it is what it is, release the over flow.
get back at it, back to the basics, they don't have it.
the love is gone, set them free, how will you respond?
if it were you, the one wanting out, so you can do as you do.
break away, cut ties, go and enjoy your day.
live a little, become one with another, play and fiddle.
it didn't work, so be it, don't let it hurt.
learn from its tweak, tune up your game, don't be so weak.
is was fun while it lasted, keep it moving, this end is not a casket.
new beginnings are often necessary, it's okay, lose the chip you carry.
get over it, find yours, you don't need this shit.
you say you want them, but you don't, go find your gem.
lesson learned, don't look back, the page has been turned.
be mature, keep it real, it's human nature.
everyone wants someone, treating them good, that special one.
some times your along for the ride, or give it, depends on your side.
just keep your head, maintain, did you hear what i said?
be you, the real you, do you!
it's over, kill the self pity, blank stares and false cover.
make do, find your smile, stand on your own two.

on my way

squeezing out whats left of the hate in my heart.
i've found me a new old fresh start.
taking new direction in a way i've leaned for years.
gobbling up all the unwanted and over tasted tears.
on my way to a better place in time where i belong.
it's my turn to live after believing for so long.
i accept my fate in the moments of endurance.
getting it in for i've over come ignorance.
pumping out all the negativity that has weighed me down.
taking in clean air as i as myself am very proud.

infected

planted as dreams..........stuck within the memories.
bouncing off all the thoughts..........feeling trapped and caught.
unable to fit in..........reality fighting from within.
imaginary images protected..........brain has been infected.
how to release it all..........feed it to the mouth without flaw.
buried and covered..........yet over the mind it hovers.
hole filled in the head..........seems it finally found a bed.
resting in a secure nest..........with little interest.
wanting to forget..........let it go for i can not hide it.
leaning mind bent and side ways..........shaking it clings so brave.
ear hole bound..........fall out!
screaming internally.........as i lose sight of reality.
get out of my dome..........where it can not help but roam.
sitting still as can be..........waiting on me.

a muted tone

line after line, focusing the mind.
inside molding, bulging and contending.
muscular knowledge exposed, irritating foes.
confronting the world, pretty little girl.
with purpose, because no one can hurt this.
thinking thoughts, within me i'm caught.
dreaming of ways, to end the perfect day.
rhyming without rhythm, more i'll give them.
i run deep down, drag it out without sound.
kicking as it screams, fulfilling dreams.
i can not be broken, yet some are hoping.
free to speak the mind, buried in my time.
beneath the bone, lays a muted tone.
tuning out this rock, yet it has a sweet spot.
tickled just right, you might get a fight.
verbal bashing, words lashing.
yelled aloud, vulgar and foul.
a peaceful as i may seem, don't lean.