all blown up

pen dead.
inked dabbed n bleed.
livin in a reality no1 undastands.
stabbin @ da way folks stand.
spread n smeared.
checkin self everytime i glance in da mirror.
diggin in 2 da sheets.
paper learnin shit grown men cant seem 2 c.
fine print all blown up.
grown n waitin 4 others 2 learn from their lumps.
linkin phrases.
freein bittin tongues jus in case.
beatin down letters.
feelin so much better.
visions unheard.
verbalized silently, listenin 2 words strokin da brains open nerve.
visually unexpressed.
splatterin spit cuz its whats bein missed.

bars on the heart.

gettin use 2 somebody is hard.
cuz if it doenst work, some1s left with the scars.
bars on the heart.
with every moment spent, fallin so far.
face down and beaten and chard.
doing only one part.
lookin for a new start.

in da heart

where is home?
dat place dat makes u feel da way u felt b4 u were grown.
whens the last time uv been there?
back b4 maturity cared.
whens da last time u felt its complete package.
b4 life sent u on a rampage.
whens the last time u cared 2 share it?
n laugh about da bs.
home is not just walls that dont talk back.
its in da heart n dats a fact.
walls only pretend 2 listen.
holdin hung pictures missin.
where do u lay ur head?
rested comfortably in ur bed.
catagorize ur life.
do u feel cut by the knife?
or do u feel complete?
ready 2 look 4 a new home in da streets.
so wheres ur place where ur happiness rests?
dat place dat gets ur best.
passin tests in time.
in windows of whats been left behind?
grab hold of ur thoughts.
c what uv caught.
can u carry on the road uv chosen 2 grow?
moseying along side everything uv known.
is home truly in the heart?
if so where, which part?

is it real?

u eva stood back n looked @ da 1 u luv.
da 1 u fuck.
da1 u call da 1.
baby doll, hun.
is it real nuff 2 last o so long?
b4 everthing goes wrong.
da 1 dat makes it more than worth it.
fixin all da bs.
puttin 2 rest da mind.
fightin thru da grime.
walk away.
go astray.
is it settin in?
pretend it doesn't matter 1 bit.
get back wit me @ da end of da day.
when uv worn out ur stay.
tell me what uv missed.
make a list.
if u can answer dat uv got it made.
n there's nothin left 2 say.
yet if it somethin else u wish 2 take by da hand n save.
whats stoppin u from leavin 2day?
standin damn near alone.
can u find what it is u seem 2 wanna hold?
clear da mind n step in2 ur other selfs shoes.
da subconscious 1 dat lives dat life so true.
will u miss all within ur grasp?
do u really wanna play in some greener grass?
left droolin 2 have it back.
realizin ur better off without scabs.

r u game?

r u game? r u ready 2 speak names n get tongue tied n place blame y we're here 2day? r u willin 2 throw away ur shame n give in? give way n allow eyes 2 gaze in2 simple interactions n light a single flame. r u ready 2 explain how it is u feel when u play in da rain? can u welcome my stay? say my name. is it da flava u r willin 2 taste? chasin n closin da space between our unique ways. can u handle bein driven insane? do u have it in u 2 escape? breakin chains n savin face in da name of bein misplaced. 4 a lil while, while we roll round n misbehave. enjoy some long heavy pantin n sustain a moment 2 b enslaved. what is it u crave? dont pretend 2 save it 4 another 2 tame. in between luv n war we have much 2 gain. losin control tryin 2 maintain. r u game? r u feelin whats 2 gain of lips 2 taste? vibin in a pulsatin game we can absorb each others exchange of internal space. n as i now stand b4 u a man on my own silent stage. wantin 2 here ur every last moan call 2 me sexually as we relate. im jus tryin 2 play in ur world where ur safe. come out n give da healin a twirl @ everthing uv neva known, as i wait. r u game? lest play tag n smack azz. go crazy n give a flash. bare all n jus let it b ok. is dat good wit what it is u dare 2 find? meet me in da middle of da room. bring ur game n tempt urself 2 do what u do. let loose n find ur groove. lose part of u n feel da smooth silky moves. free all dat ur use 2. open up n soon ull feel somethin new take ova n show u who u really r. step outside n give it a whirl as ur makin it hard. sexin deep nuff 2 heal all ur unwanted wounds. ud find urself easin 2 sleep. driftin as if it were good nuff 2 believe. bring ur game n lay wit me 4 awhile. i can guarantee id make u smile. these arent jus words givin in. but me standin b4 u wantin in. wantin more than any other has eva had. of u, yeah im wantin dat. r u game? cuz 2 gether i dont think we can go wrong. b brave. walk on da other side n write a new song. 1 dat can b sung 4 yrs 2 come. til luv rounds da corners n points, formin what it is u woulda givin a life time 2 rub. hold, tickle, n show a lil more than da rest. it could jus possibly b da best thing u couldv experienced. game is not what im spittin. jus tryin 2 fit in 2 ur situation. rippin lines. pullin da hook out so u know i aint trippin. r u game? do u c me goin insane tryin 2 grab a hold? do u know what id do 2 watch u unfold? wrap urself round me. bcome 1. it could b fun.
c if its in da kiss of da beholder feelin da energy within u hold.
cuz im sold.

clown paint

clown paint. smudged n ruined by patterns bein traced. evil clowns expressed across a silent face. teeth like razors replace a pleasant smile. tucked in a misplaced file. lost somewhere in time. colors tastin of the unwanted grime. smears rubbed the wrong way. feelin the pain slowly settle in everyday. slapped, leavin hand prints on happy faces. abandonin the heart in open spaces. blues crossin boundaries in2 the reds. n there's neva enough bein said. another saddened clown broke n stuck lookin like a joker. without a gig feelin like a loser. a clown without a true expression. eyes a gazin in his direction is ju 2 much attention. drawin new lines 2 hide the disfigurement of the shapes upon his face. scarin away every1 cuz he can't pretend once the contacts been made. leavin runs spreadin his efforts beyond slaps thumpin. tell him what 2 do as if a mim or a puppet. as his giggle has been taken n replaced with someth
in that has killed his will. lookin strung out n ova dosed on pills. needin a good make up artist 2 put the shine back in his eyes. strokin a masterpiece that will neva cry. speekin without sound. feelin the discomfort of his frawn as it was flipped upside down.

(unfinished diddles)

when i c u imma giv u a kiss luv would b proud of. feelin dis thing dats formin in2 sumtin more den a crush. try not to blush as i try not 2 lose control n rush. n we can dat lil thing called luv.

hold n wanted in a way ull kno iv missed u.

on da battle field of luv n hate i found a worthy opponent. an individual dat refuses 2 lay it down or quit. holdin her own in a time of feelin out da moment. shes knows her capabilities n doesnt have 2 control it. checkin mate when time comes down 2 all but hate bein spent. yet knows how it can get when luv is abscent. watchin wit a crisp eye so a steady finger can fold it. layin down her trump wit a stroke of her wrist as she unrolls it. upward revealin what she truly has 2offer as da looks she gives says shes tired of da shit. ready 2 step up da game as if her eyes told it. she holds da cards of her own fate n knows it. spreaedin herself thin 4 no1 who doesnt deserve it. she has a mean game face dat plays a mans mind in ways they wish they had it. shes a perfect fit n a hell of a fix.

i gotta imagination ur givin a new outlook on. rearangin my tought process. n is on goin. ur playin a wicked game wit me. hide n seek til i want nothin but thee.

buncheees

jus so u kno, uv become more 2 me than any other.
n we've only jus begun as new found lovers.
yrs, it feels like iv known u 4 so long n its only goin on jus a few short months.
misplaced, re-emergin 2 pull me from a slump.
replacin the past wit everything iv was lookin 4.
u fit 2 a T, n im wantin so much more.
a woman version of me, givin it right back.
uv touched somtin in me, now im unda attack.
settin down where no1 has eva relaxed in my heart.
i neva knew it coulda been u by far.
complete, satisfied wit all u have 2 offer.
some1 who's way about, id neva smother.
i feel u deep in my bones, n everything wit u feels so right.
ur somethin come true, somethin outta sight beyond da skies.
as if we were meant 2 b, n i dont believe in such miracles.
yet uv got me goin crazy, uv become irreplaceable.
idk how u did it, but i neva wanna lose what we got.
buncheees n buncheees, u get @ all da right spots.
its u as a whole, da 1 i c me makin plans wit.
fallin further than iv eva wanted, needin ur kiss.
2 touch ur smile wit my lips, gives me even more purpose.
n 4 ur hand id bend ova backwards n run in circles.
luv, i can feel it when u come 2 mind.
luv, in u iv finally found my kind.
my other half, da piece i was born without.
bunchees is da word dat comes 2 mind, as i say it out loud.

perfect fit

grown. knowin when 2 c the realization it situations n keep it movin. findin a groove n expression feelins long nuff til da emotion stops showin. doin ur own thang cuz life refuses 2 wait 4 guarantees dat seems misplaced somewhere in da unknown. back n forth, tuggin n pullin u further away from da thrown u wish 2 hold. growin cold n givin in every now n then when faces smile b4 they lie n unfold. emergin 2 show truth n pain as da fool within flees back in2 its shell far from comfort. defensively protectin da stablility of da heart as it feins 4 another chance 2 endure luv b4 it once again hurts. learnin more of self fallin silently behind da days night as loneliness tells da dark secrets of da heart. playin games wit da minds blinded thoughts of ova emotionalized way it all begins as it starts. slowly creepin n hopin things cling 2gether close nuff 2 bcome more than whats been expressed in da passed as we try not 2 rush. thing is waitin is a game none of us really wanna play n we gotta know now 4 our own selfish reasons of som1 bein good 2 us. lookin 4 sumtin in some1 dats like no other, spendin seconds of days stimulated n satisfied. real n understandin dat every1 has their own walk, stridin along side dat special 1 dat is no longer hidin. peekin from da shadows cuz they've been abused in 1 way or another by some1 trustin no1. all in all people r jus dat of flesh n bone, cut deep n broken 2 heal til they decide 2 grow up n think bout what it is they wanna get done. neva forgettin encounters dat changes us all yet prepairin us 2 b stronger 4 da next round. standin up pickin our heads n eye off da ground, listeinin 4 dat 1 sound. dat 1 dat makes the pump in our chest feel so alive. a certain voice dat kills da pain n keeps us all feelin all those needed things inside.
turnin on what we want da most from time 2 time cuz we can not c beyond what lays in our chests. always returnin 2 mind ova heart in da end where a new beginin is a good thing n it feels like its da best.
jus attemptin 2 stay alive b4 our world comes crashin in as da walls fill in da space in btween da lights.
enjoyin 1 more shot @ da title after feelin dead, fightin 4 dat 1 dat fits jus right.

EVREY1S BEEN HURT

IF U KNEW WHERE U WERE GOIN. COULD U GET LOST RUNNIN OVA THE SAME OL GROUND? TRYIN 2 GET 2 UR PLACE U CAN CALL HOME. HOW MANY FACES WILL U OVA LOOK AS U 4GET 2 HEAR THEIR SOUND? IF U WERE 2 STOP CHASIN WHATEVER IT IS THAT KEEPS U DISTANT? DO U THINK U COULD PULL UR EYES OUTTA THE SKY N ENJOY A SINGLE INSTANT? U MAY JUS PASS UP SOMTHIN THAT COULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE. CAN U LIVE WIT THE THOUGHT OF BEIN A LIL 2 LATE 4 HAPPINESS. IF UR WALK STEPPED 2 DA SIDE N TRIPPED UR WAYS, FALLIN, LOOKIN UP @ WHERE IT IS U JUS MAY BELONG. WILL IT B ENOUGH 2 WAKE U N C WHAT JUS WALKED AWAY FROM U IF LUV STARED IN2 UR EYES? COULD UR PASSION 4 INDEPENDENCE B UR DESTRUCTION? UNABLE 2 DANCE IN A DIFFERENT SHADE OF LIGHT. CAN U C ITS MALFUNCTION? IF DA WIND BLEW JUS RIGHT IS IT POSSIBLE UD LISTEN 2 DA HAIRS ON UR NECK AS THEY RAISE UP IN CURIOSITY? CUZ FEELIN SUMTIN IS A GOOD THING N UR MISSIN OUT. R U HYPNOTIZED BY DA IMPOSSIBILITIES? NOT STABLE CUZ U DONT HAVE CONTROL OR CUZ IS EVERY1 PAYIN 4 WHAT SOME1 ELSE HAS DONE? LEAVIN U HAVIN A HARD TIME FINDIN A REAL LOVE. IM JUS WONDERIN IF TIME STOOD STILL N U WERE ABLE 2 RELAX IN SOME1S ARMS N LAY 4 A MOMENT. WOULD U TAKE A CHANCE N STOP WONDERIN N A ROAMIN RUN FROM AN EMOTION UV SEEMED 2 TURN ON? N IT GOES ON N ON N ON N ON. WHEN WILL DA CYCLE END? WHEN WILL U ALLOW UR HEART 2 MEND? BEND DA BARS CAGIN IN ALL UR WORTH. ITS NOT GOOD 2 HIDE BEHIND A FROZEN IMAGE OF WHAT A SINGLE PERSON HAS DONE 2 U, EVERY1S BEEN HURT. 2 LUV IS 2 RELEASE DA KID WITHIN N FEEL AS FREE AS U CAN B. DO U FEEL IT? CAN U SETTLE UR DEFENSE N ATTEMPT NOT 2 FLEE? ITS OK 2 WANT WHAT U WANT WHEN U WANT IT, N ITS UR LIFE BUT EVERY NOW N THEN DO U EVER WONDER? WHAT LIFE IS ROLLIN IN BEHIND DA THUNDER N LIGHTNIN WHISPERIN UR NAME SOFT ENOUGH 2 PLUNDER A THOUGHT? SOMETHIN THAT CANT B BOUGHT. CUZ U DONT KNOW WHO COULD B DA 1. UNTIL UV OPENED UR EYES N ACCEPT 1S LUV.

TELL ME

tell me, hows it feel? theres some1 else moldin ur kid 2 b just like them. the kind u hate. there raisin ur seed in2 some1 u will not kno. ur own flesh n blood will dislike what they c in u. cuz ur neva around. callin another man dad. how does it taste? is it bitter enough 4 ya? fuck da bread. its not bout the $money$. quality time is bein taken n ur not fittin in. abracadabra, poof, gone. ur absent 2 the future of ur own bloodline. hell 4 all u kno, they could b bein mistreated. neglected, but do u care? dont look like it. u seem 2 appear as a deadbeat. pawnin ur own of on some1 else. n u wonder y u ur baby mama hates ur fuckin guts. r u serious? please tell me ur jokin. shit, she'd probably settle 4 u just tryin 2 b part of ur own bloods life. b a dad. do u kno how it feels 2 b ignored by some1 uv done nothing 2? lost n found by whom? its not bout the adult problems. grow up. dad n mom don't havta live under the same roof 2 co-exist. where is ur mind @? if ur so bout it, n fuckin real, where r u? can u feel me? ur kind makes it fuckin hard 2 find a decent woman. cuz of yall they catagorize all of us, n i ain't nothin like ur sorry ass. bend ur pride n look in da mirror. ur still the same person. wake up n take a peak @ what uv been missin. use ur brain n think 4 once. who do u want ur lil 1's or 1, 2 b like? n if not u, don't u think u need 2 change somethin within urself? cuz step dad is buildin up points n makin a friend. b a real dad n man up. take on ur weight no matter what. try fightin 4 ur responsibility jackass n tell me how that tastes. if u don't like im what im sayin. good! some1 needs 2 get in ur ass. yet y state the obvious n tell u 2 get a life? it's not like u giv a fuck right? jus remember u don't, they will.

your will

left in a moment, paused n waiting 4 the return of 1 more chance.
abandoned in time, caused by the lack of patience.
drifting away from a vague half smile i have a hard time remembering.
yet memories jump out when i least expect it, breaking me down all 2gether.
it's hard 2 realize your touch is gone somewhere it does not belong.
your a missing link, and it feels everything has gone so fucking wrong.

standing still in that place where emotions were stopped way 2 soon.
i can see your face of the last time we talked, and @ that moment it appeared our future was doomed.
are we all blind? who would've known 4ever never existed?
if i could have i would of held on, fighting n double fisted.
once lived, is upon a time ago i could not bare 2 lose again.
talking 2 myself i feel i became that thing you never saw, a dad wit a firm hand.
attempting 2 think n search my head 4 the reasons we had 2 part.
yet my heart can't find the comfort so i fail 2 build up the courage 2 start.
confused on a time line from dot 2 dot, did u die in 99 or in 1998 when i last heard your lips.
as them n my ears parted, looking back i cant help but 2 feel like shit.

and day 2 day your imagined presents speaks without a sound.
staring out my window in my time of living, @ this thing called life n look @ what i have found.
misery and pain, heart ache that is squeezing and driving me insane.
your a loss that eats me from the inside out, and @ the same time helps me feel the rain.
i am just wanting you 2 catch up 2 the present day of us all dying, trying not 2 give in.
as we wait 4 the sun 2 rest its rays on us as we spread life ever so thin.

i damn near forgotten all the things that felt so real.
i am just wondering with a few more seconds 2 spare, if i will ever heal?
the physical you has had its fun in the sun, just 2 be misplaced as invisible and betrayed.
but as long as i live, you'll make this full grown man fight his struggle 4 a chance @ another day.
4 it is your will that lives in me, never bending so another can have their way.
mama you know what it is when i say, i got your name in my right clinched fist letting them feel our unbreakable way.
we're not crazy by far, just misunderstood in ways we wish a mutha fucka would.
they just don't know the danger that awaits if they ever peeked under the hood.
it's just our way i know, unwilling 2 let a snake fake their way through.
keeping it as real can be, what else can i do?


your still loved, n very well missed!

yrs

yrs blinked n missed. passed by as if another page was flipped. lines read n seen upon the face as wrinkles settle in. showing age sneaking up once a yr as time seems shorter than a flowers petals are thin. where did yesterday go as tomorrow is now here, pushing it further from the memory. things change for everything is subject to change, and change is good and yet it is change people fear. lessons teach as we experience the sludge that clogs the veins time after time and again. forgetting what blood means as it drips faster than water falling like rain pouring out our hearts deepest emotions. songs finding new meanings that fade into pain and heart ache. just to be reborn in anothers smile. always wondering how we got to the present, scrambling for the passed as loved ones parish into ash. crossed over and missed in space once filled with good times that were never meant to last. kids growing more rapidly than ever. eye to eye, staring ones self in the face of a younger them they once knew. and its as if things were not meant make it through the test of times heartless grasp. moments in windows shut by the shades of the eyes blinds, closing out the light is all that we know is certain. breaking cold sweats in the middle of the night when the body is over heating. wtf is that all about? shaking off the bitterness left lingering on the taste buds marinated and drowning on words over flowing the mouth. then there is the feeling of growing closer to the inevitably numbing silence waiting to claim us all. unavoidable to say the least. and yet we rush time for tomorrow to bring us closer to what we want the most. happiness somewhere else where we have no worries. so we think. thing is, we can never get now back no matter how much we beg and plead. the yrs do not care. time will wash us up with the rain in its great cycle of life. recycled and fed back to a chance for a new life, a new creature can enjoy. and most will never get what it means to truly live life. lost with millions of others that never made history. there is no one to tell us what they were like. and if it was not for the etched concrete that displays a name they carried, it would appear like they were never here. yet what is in a name? even i share mine with many other allen morgans. yrs. months. days. hrs. minutes. seconds. moments thrown away everyday as if we really get another chance through religion. blinded by a higher being that offers the mind a cop out. one can not hide the fear they claim that can not heard. shoved away and ignored like it is a sin to think life is exactly what it is. as we are all trying to make the most out of what we hold so dear. as we stretch the clocks hands that tied ours down. just wanting to get its worth before the darkness falls from above as the dirt reclaims what it alone owns.