If I ever fell…

What would you do to save me if I ever fell.  Knowing I don’t need you to stand back up for I’ve already been there to dwell. Would it be immediate bcuz you cared enough to be a friend? Or talk the walk as I descend into our end. I’m not looking for a savior to rescue me from myself. I just question your loyalty if I ever fell.

No clout…

If you don’t wanna see me shine, imma drink it anyways. And I don’t care about how your emotions rearrange upon your face. I’m the force that seeks to exist. Avoiding the top, I don’t need to be missed. But if your lips could touch my azz you’d feel the singe correct your words. As weird as you are to worry about me, you cannot be heard. Hate me like fading idols you try to replace with your presence. No matter the stakes for status we’re all mere peasant’s. Mirrored to release depths out into the open. I’m just not as ugly as you, insides turn out for the chokin. Bred for the solitude for I don’t run in packs. Only cowards stir up trouble and then hide behind the trap. Exposed to the crowd I need not play. I’d rather go unnoticed than everyone know my name. People just ain’t that important to try to appease. I’m over here living my best life with an ease. You can’t tare me down nor ever get in. I’m just too much for you to comprehend. Your acceptance means nada to me. I’m someone in which you only wish you could be. At peace with myself like the world doesn’t exist. I don’t need no one to praise me for I tickle my own fuckin ribs. Twisted is me for I am in your train of thought. Different so I oppose the norm buried in your pause. It ain’t even flattering just so you know. I could care less and just want to be left alone…

Who’s playing fair?

Family. Love. Friends. Smiles and smirks. What gives it all worth? Who within the circles of evolving truly want it to work. There’s so much the heart and mind conflicts about that creates the anguish of emotions being hurt. What are attachments if they’re not looking out for the core’s peace that is a need? All is good when egos are fed to a degree of awareness going to extremes. As shoulders turn as if roundabout doors help escape mingling scenes. Making time spent stagnant as decisions alter what may or may not haunt dreams. When elders handing down knowledge of situations are that lessons by living in the now is yesterdays brutal trains Ava writes. Who listens to learn prior to repeating the cycle that was once was harsh as unwanted wisdom for they’d rather have tenderness alone in the mirror? Do minds truly elaborate or is considering advice a thing of fear? Is it talking to relate, to teach, is the voice of reason no one to hear. What individuals in the comfort zone only care about self in which dictates actions not of their own. Who comprehends differences doesn’t havta divide the safe space it tastes to coexist? Do these figments of the imagination believe in a better way when strangers come along to be added to haves upon the familiar list. Share are the lines drawn that affect everyone’s mental stability without one single person being missed? Are we in this together or is it a fairytale of old folk tales that are just stories we’re told as kids? When new faces stroll in and out of the crowd to see who fits the chemistry. Exposing who can’t somehow feel another’s happiness and ego shouldn’t partake in the ritual in which we’re all breathe. Who cares, unless self is all that matters when no one attends to witness anything other than the reflection known as the, me? Claiming to be a part of a special type of scenario of belonging sounds very pretty. But do wet get lost in our owns heads when being ok with lost time? Luv’rs bypass sticking around eventually. Family reproduces their own version once age adds to pressures and pleasures that inevitably lead them astray with their individuality. Were we ever meant to remain close enough to bond beyond acknowledging the existence of self awareness that lacks reality? Just to loop back around later on down the road with a better comprehension that was absent to memories due to excuses of productivity. One life. One motion. One chance. Many worlds colliding. All abandoning roots to seek out self’s relentless quest of defining. To make partnerships within relationships work takes a lil acceptance so everyone can participate before the un-aliving. So why are hearts so demonizing? Parents who are offspring and siblings themselves fade into the shadows if remembrance. When downtime evaluates the right time to think of another as if there give too soon as if we’re selfish. Who has the correct way to be when everyone has their own spin on the resistance? Allowing years to go unnoticed by luv’d one’s trapped in the grips of an imaginary alliance. Who like the complications of division by forcefully tearing others apart? With a verbal assault behind backs as ears absorb the sound it takes to ruin their charm. Who in their right mind holds on to unfortunate events in moments of chapters when it’s the series lived that tells the story of growth in the heart? To overcome without the resentment and belittling those most precious we say don’t want to harm. We’re all gonna do something someone else doesn’t agree with. As we attempt to not repeat expressions rehearsed and released from hateful lips. When it all rotates back to the origins in which can’t be found elsewhere bcuz of its grit. As compadres sometimes are the closest people to what a norm could ever get. They to come but when they go they don’t return. Having the same affect of mates do as they run their course until bridges are burned. They all take their turns. But the concept of two bloodlines merging is the oddest form of unity that lurks. Some try and others step away. Causing questions of reasons of who’s truly who at the end of the day. As if it’s cool to avoid interactions at events and gatherings or whole thing together to save face. Silently betraying the luv shared like it’s a game. What is someone to do when watching the fiasco when the willing become the unwilling? When hope gets damaged due to self righteousness feeding its own tolerance that’s chilling. Cold hands have a shut off switch that cripples the joy simply seeking what fulfilling. Is everyone ok with the solitude being appealing? Who can openly admit they’re not perfect in any sense? And has forgiveness without sides taken so no one feels they’re not a piece of the substance. The essence. The purpose of the sequence…

Only if your ego knew…

How does it feel to gather emotions that escaped a luv’rs the heart? From multiple luv’rs that can’t feel anything bcuz you broke in and stole the charisma of their charm. Is it settling to be desired by strangers that become more friends as you threw them back into the world? Discarding their dreams with a heaving whirl. What is it like to live in someone else’s head that can only see the good you refuse to be? Acting out the script in the middle of the hype of getting to know what it takes to set people free. To own portions of pieces of them you’ve never once truly earned. Do you sit upon your thrown as your feet rests on others that have been hurt and not rude in an imaginary hurst? Did the victim mentality create a version of you that can only be seen when it’s a lil too late? Even if you won’t admit it, that’s being fake. Playing others for gains until your tolerance gets bored. Are you what everyone claims is an attraction whore? With so much unused luv left in table where food was to be eaten. All bcuz self is the most impotent player in the game that can’t be beaten. We all know the first one to speak after a breakup creates the scenario that tarnishes the character of the unspoken. As silent truths are forsaken within the broken. So is it that you’re living in your fairytale due to your conscious cannot relate to how pain feels. Cutting ties in the blink of an eye prior to another loss as you just can’t bare to be real. With the capture of so many cherished moments you’ve taken from memories that somehow linger. How is it that it’s you that points the finger? Were you robbed of your essence and never healed? Instead you adjusted to being deceiving with false promises to seal the deal? How many have you claimed for your personal keep? Do you feel better at night as it helps sleep. Forever wanted by needs you abandoned to dangle in the wind. Question is, do you’re really think you are missed? Who’s dead to who? Only if your ego knew…

Day craving you…

Choked, touched and fucked from the inside out. Tempting the alternate version of suppressed moans to feel the inside of your mouth. Gripped, tossed and slapped. Physically bringing the life hidden behind your eyes to the awakening of hour you too are bad. Tasted, teased and squeezed. To get the flavor trapped beneath the surface to ease the moment of your extremities. Tight, soft and wet. My girth buried in between strokes that dig into your chest. Felt, enjoyed and put to use. Lil miss nasty just needs hands groping your caboose. Sliding, thrusting and penetrating you into a levitation with your legs spread wide. Lovely, beautiful and down right gorgeous to my desires. Naked with a side of friction to ignite my fire. Slut, whore, my lil freak wanting more. Rolling you over to put you in all fours. Mmm, yes and the pleasure is all mine. Acting out the lustful thoughts I have locked up in my mind. Bending, licking, behind you with fallacious from your clit to your azz. Your sweet cream layering my face. Wanting, needing, demanding you not to cum. Not until I shove myself inside you so far you can but to explode as you try to run. Restrained, fucked and properly sexually abused. Grinding to get mine after you’ve made a mess of the bed. This is the type of shit that goes on in my head. Thinking, dreaming, day craving you with such a distasteful intent. Sucking and nibbling on your body so your sighs can vent. Yours, mine, were can claim this painting of heavy breathes with just one smile. I promise you it’ll be worth your while…

I owe myself more…

If my arms are such a bad place to be. If you say I can’t luv you the way you seek. If I’m not enough. It’s ok to go find that special kinda luv. Is it you insist for me to be the version on romance you have in your head? What if I wanted to alter you from your emotional state to ease my own chest? Where the balance between a woman and a man? Or does that question provoke you to retract your hand? Do you witness me as worthless and broken bcuz my masculinity is allowed to thrive? Maybe you’re not the woman I was waiting on if so, so ever do I do when you push me to the side? If I say too much when I eventually speak my mind, will you not be happy? What if I stick to the facts we both should hold accountable so as can continue laughing? My compassion doesn’t need to be worn on my sleeve. So who are you to tell me who to be? As passion has many different aspects that determines what is real. Me personally, I’m not worried about how I feel. Sensitivities aren’t to be exposed bcuz some claim to wanna know another through and through. That train of thought isn’t thinking, it’s a forfeit of one’s own presence calling a truce. You will always havta be more feminine than I could ever pretend to be. If you don’t like who it is I am in my natural essence, leave. I can’t share pieces of my life with you as a silhouette you can walk on like a shadow running from the light that shows me in which way I need to be to coexist with your dreams. I owe myself more than that. So if my mental mentality isn’t appeasing your crave spot a softer type of  man, choose a choose a different path. 

Outta place…

To luv someone who isn’t yours to hold. It’ll have you whispering at live, “let’s go”. Moving solo, alone and looking for home. Trying not to rebuttal against another with so much to give. There’s hope. Then there’s the list. A hand full of oppositions that can never take place. It’s when self actuate gets to know one’s on truths. Waiting to see expressions on the face fade fire selfish sakes. Use becomes more than sexual as character needs proof. No more snakes. There’s bo need in being duped. Mental stability must remain the focal point to the madness created by luv. Witness to accountability being present as motion texts to sons choosing paths. With a hushed tongue of what trust truly means to step through and being the hype of the emotional rush. Fast, relations move like cash going in and outta the pocket as the green backs switch up to take turns in the hand that looses its grasp. But the heart doesn’t havta go numb. Just be patient with the lessons of the facts…

Playing catchup much.?.

How far in the past are you? It seems your hanging on to old feels that ruined your use. what’ll it take to died up the process to catch you up to the now where we’re are. Bcuz back then I can’t take to part of the toe of harm. How much are it attached to the feel of being let down? Out looks as if you’ve lost yourself and have never been found. Of not on me to correct your mindset when you can hurt I and bet on work life. I can’t allow myself to be talked in your mental stability doing time. Your vibe is just off. Your mask wore off. As now I see the pain controlling your thoughts. Leasing y down into your emotions where you’re prisoner afraid to heal from someone else’s flaws. Unless this is the real you that’s come along claiming to have overcome your decisions. Have you even considered that nothing is the same as it was when your heart was sowing up incisions. So why does the pain override every good intent displayed before you? Aren’t you moved? You’re still dangling when you should’ve already let go. It’s time to be grown. Shit happens. Start laughing. Or everything prior to now can be the reason I walk away. This isn’t a game. You cave keep going back and forth and expect me to deliver myself when you cater to what no longer exists. You can keep it alive on it own bcuz that’s not I chose to live. It’s my responsibility to go shopping with the chaos in your head. Clear out your mind Ava empty your chest. Yes, is that fuckin easy. What matters in the presence of you still breathing? Nothing can hurt you here but you’re gonna havta comprehend who’s your true enemy. You have inconsistencies. You don’t be smearing your spoils onto me. Decide who it is you wanna be. Be present out longer in it memories. Your reality is conflicting with you’re dreams. It’s evident that the trauma is keeping you from happiness. I don’t want any doings with the distastefulness. Be respectful and move on or gather yourself in your own accord. Either way this show can’t go on. You’re not y pity party. I owe it to myself for you not to harm me. I don’t want your issues for I have my own  that I’ve dealt with a long time ago. Get with it or leave me alone…

Fuckery at its best…

Right when you think you mean sobering to someone elder looking man at you like no one else has ever done. Boom goes the world you’ve come to know. Every moment wasted on memories that will havta be forgotten. Oh no, it’s as true as the lungs needing air. Suffocation by emotional warfare plaguing the confusion settled into the nerve. What worth? Friend? There’s no such thing. Luv only allows compatibility as long as the heart gets what it wants. And if the mind isn’t in control, kaboom. Eventual demise. Fuckery at its best. Proof that life caters to the contents of the chest. Selfish hopelessness rules the weak. As the mental strong who’ve found the balance are considered to be the freaks. Is when the comfort eases in to reassure the feel to move forward. Surprise mofo, noting every good enough. So bounce. Step to the side as they pass you by. Nothing was ever meant to last. And in today’s world, pfft, just enjoy what you can. There’s no true connection. Only moments that alter tone in a false presence of boredom at times isn’t a bad thing. That’s the resting place of peace most cannot comprehend. Carter not. To live is a must. If the pieces fit do you. Must know the puzzle goes back in the box….

Created in one look…

What look do you have me pegged to? Or, which belief of me do you believe I am so I can fail now? Felt, I’m not on the menu to be the flavor I come with. Tongues loosen to the nibble that bites its way into rebellions frowned upon. Reasons will come to help you break away from my shadow you tried to convert into a silhouette. Don’t blame me. I’m just moving to the feel of life. I can only be a moment to what appears to be endless dreams. Truth is, I don’t get along with the crazy you’ve come to pretend you are. It’s false, it’s a gimmick, you’re just afraid to be you. So delusional you’re unacceptable to the norm that lingers within me bcuz I’m not a simp. How long before you realize I won’t tolerate the silliness you have concocted in the overthought process in between your ears? I’m no one and that’s what I’ll be when the end rotates its way back into reality. Without fear. For I’m not a puppet with your hand up my azz. How much bs is there prior to you accepting all I can be is me? I’m asking now before you break your heart and point fingers in my direction. We both know the world caters to women and my character is what’ll take the blow when you leave. Orchestrated to save yourself from whisper’s rumors exposing you. Who am I before I could’ve ever shown you who it is that you’ve come across. Trust and believe I won’t mind ignoring the unforgivable attempt to force me to adapt to who you’ve alerted me to exist as. It’s not my loss. Nor my issue to consider. Heartless I’m not bcuz it’s the one thing my mind protects. I live in comfort. Loosened to the soothe of riding the flow in my chest. I’m ok on my own for my thoughts are at peace. Gracefully in tune with the key player that leads the way. Favor me this, walk out now. Watch the expression upon my face not change. I’m conditioned to get it without luv even though I know it’s the piece I refuse to give in to. Reasons I have. Stories I just don’t wanna tell. Everyone has their own spin on what they want as they cast their emotional spells. So do tell of the stranger you’re to drive mad. The other version of myself I do not know. Maybe I’ll rebuttal and verbalize you’re not who you said you were. It wouldn’t be the first time the switcheroony smokes at me. Just lay the memory of me in the dirt…