Damn it…

(phone ringing)

Hello.

Heeey! What are you doing?

Me, really?

Is that this weekend?

Nice.

I don’t know. I can try to make it, but I can’t promise anything.

Alright.

Sounds good.

Later.

(click)…

Damn it. I believe she likes me. I hear it in her sighs as she breathes. So why not just go have some fun? Just go feel the sun. Call her back up and tell her, "yes". Don’t leave her to wonder like she’s second best. Nah. I can’t lead her along. Why do they always get attached? Why is it always so very fast? I should go but I know. I prolly won’t. And what if I don’t? I don’t wanna be chased. It just ain’t fair to the way her smile stretches across her face. Damn it, give in for once! Quit being afraid of a friendship leading to luv. 

(silence)

She’s gonna get away if I don’t give her a lil attention craved. Why must I save myself from the eventual pain? 

(phone in hand)

She’ll forget me soon enough. I’d rather her find someone worth her opening up. I ain’t no one she truly wants to know. Just a fixation of someone she’s soon to have known. Yeah, I'm not accepting the invite bcuz it will help her settle the interest. That way I’m not a tingle lingering in her chest. It's ok. It’s the way it hasta be. But damn it if I don’t enjoy life when she’s near to me.

(putting phone down)

What do I do? How many times have I side stepped a woo? I can’t keep doing this every time someone wants to get close. Just go! Why not her? It’s not always gonna be people taking turns. Fuck it, just create some space. Just walk away. Do that shit you’re famous for. Miss out on the joy of wanting more. But don’t blame anyone else when all the good ones are done. Bcuz you know you’re dead wrong.

"Damn it!!!"

Again, with this shit. With the tugging of the possibilities that conflict with my norm that feels the twist. How many faces will it take? How many bodies will be felt before there’s a comfort in their name? Honestly speaking, I could give her a chance. But that wouldn’t be me to bow down to romance. And I don’t wanna go that far back in so why even entertain the thoughts going through my head? Maybe bcuz she’s more than a good time wanting her pussy fed.

(picking the phone up)

###-####…

But what if? Fuck! Is this? Nah, it's just a bit of fun. Loosen up and go. No. Let another fulfill that crave she longs to have in a friend to be more. I'm not opening that door. Not even if I allow my chance to be in her days. Talking through her nights until sleep rests her face. Alright, now I'm thinking about it a lil too much. Digging too deep like it could actually become luv. But how many good ones have I let get by me at this stage in my life? Yeah, but females ain't just asking any ol lame to spend some time. It's always something else they're wanting to witness in a man. So, what! Don't pass up on another one again. Surprise her and show up. Just don't fuck. Don't feed into lusts that lead her to bare herself. And at no point give her a reason to wanna think you're avoiding her bcuz she wants to be felt.

(sigh)

Only if she knew that I do wanna enjoy some time outside my head. Without the strings moving the contents within my chest. Damn it. I could use a moment to unwind and breathe. But, I. I'm not someone that belongs in her dreams. I'm not what she thinks I am. I'm a lil different than the average man. There's no way conversation could be as open minded as I have come to be. I've never met anyone like me. But is that why I'm going over and over this when no one else is around? Talking to myself out loud. Or is it, she got to the point of interest, and I cannot help but to consider her invention to mingle for a bit? I wish I could just hear where she's coming from her own intent.

(pausing and thoughtless)

IDK. Maybe if I knew. It would be nice to put unused time to use...