After the shenanigans...

 in my mind it plays out like, i've already fucked my dream girl so now what?

i've already been in n outta luv even with a side piece on the hush.

n it's past the point of emotional highs n lows of my life where i cannot seem to be reach.

as it's not just another fuck down on her knees.

what else is left?

i've already had what others claim as the best fuckin sex.

stood within relations n exceeded beyond expectations like shit couldn't phase me.

even rounded out the thought process of wants over needs.

i'm beginning to actually wonder what is it i'm lookin for.

when i've already danced within the center of a storm.

knowing it was my actions too that created its twirl.

as it swirled around me just to watch me retreat to singular from plural.

i've touched my ultimate fantasy in ways the tongue itself was happy to be free.

as i've had to step back n correct my ever changing reality to be redeemed.

just to play with the daydreams of is there anyone who can bring my passions back to life.

to help bring me from within n somehow reopen my mind.

bcuz i've felt desires right before they fell off the edge.

sat alone for yrs with a curious hmm as if what's next.

yeah i've done it all but find a friend who doesn't turn out to be a fuckin mess.

n there's more to a female's anatomy getting wet.

as all the women i've felt that i cannot remember is nothing more than erotic's leap.

all leading to unimaginable memories that will forever be remembered as cheap.

as i've had more than my fair share allowing fingertips to have their way.

n it's bcuz of this that i know the depths of a woman is deeper than what she'll ever say.

so where do i turn when i've even had strippers on the rosters.

as i don't wanna play the back burner no more bcuz it's filled with imposters.

my guess is i'm just to fuckin hard to please when the facts break down..

even though in another i do wanna believe so i can settle my frown.

i just need a new hype to change my ways before it's pointless to flirt.

yet who would i wanna hear say my name when comfort has its worth.

i haven't one person high up on a pedestal i'd give the time in all due respects.

as there's no one hiding patiently in the back of my mind i need not inspect.

so after all the shenanigans that have created my life up to the now.

who will it be to find their way into my rhymes that never make a sound.

to fulfill the reason to cross back over to the other side as revived.

bcuz i've been everything but everything to another just wanting to live as mine.

curios to know...

do you believe you'll ever trust anyone the way you did when you first felt safe?

before you fell from fingertips and found yourself going through thoughts gone to waste. 

is there any hope your perspective on relations isn't ruined beyond repair?

having one more go around in you before shutting down without a care.

are you off limits or is your heart sneaking around inside of you?

running from emotions grasp creeping on the edge of a tingle's use.

do you truly wanna isolate yourself away from someone that can and will be true?

or do you not know where to turn to find a heart willing to move?

i know there's things that words cannot express.

as explaining yourself to a stranger might mean there's nothing left.

or is there something you wanna say if the right one stepped up.

to do more than claim what self is capable of.

where does the mind go when alone is too much to think?

when has enough been had as sighs need to breathe?

will u ever admit you're worth more than the silence lingering in the dark?

is hope all but gone when hiding deep within just waiting to be disarmed?

what is it you seek that hasn't found its way to your lips as of yet?

how does one get in to unlock the ribs that protect the chest?

are you over it all or are you just in a phase?

and is the smile you use as real as the life on your face?

i know of masks worn so no one knows there's a vulnerability not wanting to hurt.

but to remove it to allow another to see who's beneath the bs has its perks.

or is it i'm not describing you at all?

and that you can relate to the realism in how we've become so raw.

At a loss...

I don't see the good in people anymore. From the walking stereotypes that point at others with fingers that resemble needles with hypocritical poison. To everyone taking sides in an ancient battle to belittle others. As it's never them as self who can relate to the differences that create the beauty of a species that isn't blinded by invisible gains. N the hate never wants someone to do the same to them when they pretend not to care of what opposers think or believe. We all can't be on top to tare whoever down to obtain the gratification of likes that are as fake as cultures acting as if destruction doesn't happen from within. Seems no one can resist division in terms of the issues of the human repetitive fighting for the disposition to be torn from the heights of fame. It's truly sad to watch some of them waste time hating racists until they show they are one as well. The upper class look down on the level beneath them as the bottom refuses to try to adapt to anything outta the forced fed norm. The hostility is fueled by corrupt politics that play the population against itself n not many are willing to open their eyes for they'd be labeled with a toe tag as it's said they'd crossed over. It's like the train of thought losses the presence of mind to realize everyone alive has a different reality n live our own way... With sights set on what the masses tell them to believe. Whether it's relations, sexuality, religion, belief, shape, ethnicity, or classification, opinions judge with chattering teeth to be heard. But don't point out how they are for you'll be the problem as friends will fade note being able to see their own bs. It's like people see through themselves in the mirror as if they're transparent. As there's no reason to give the benefit of the doubt for people are too far gone to honestly get along n accept none of us are the same. The only ones that are not trying to be a profile fade in which it in its own doesn't compliment who they truly are. Damned is existences fate.

entry 4901

The day will come when y'all will have to go on without me... As y'all will live as if I didn't exist other than being a thought lingering in your dreams... Yet I'll be no more as my everyday will die... Just promise one thing, tell me y'all won't cry.... On the first day I don't awaken for y'all to see me smile... Have the strength to chuckle as my body has retired... And when y'all think of me in your memories y'all have to grin... It is through y'all that I get to live... Allow me to be free... I need not be a burden that makes y'all weak... Be as y'all naturally are as if I walked into the room... Everyday is a good day to feel the positivity in my mood... Don't let me die and rot with time... Keep me alive by living in a unique state of mind... Knowing y'all was my happiness that drove me for so long... Without y'all keeping the vibe alive I'm nothing more than lost... So never forget that I'm a part of y'all that will never go away... And if it makes y'all feel a little better. just whisper my name... Then tell me y'all luv me as if I never went to sleep... I luv y'all, It's ok to breathe...

to my kids... miss y'all already...

camouflaged hearts...

There's questions that haven't produced any answers cut loose... Or just maybe i haven't been listening to words on the move... As some things one just cannot ask due to the chameleons that wait their turn... Maybe it's the whispers i can't seem to hear as they flirt... It could be i play to much n what i seek has passed me by... Or possibly my reality is just a lil different than that of another's life... Though I cannot speak on what it is i need... For it's in the ways of another that tell truths tale that doesn't fall off the tongues fling... Avoiding pretenders just wanting to get close to the feel of emotion instead of a real friend... Trust is valid to believe in someone's true form trying to sidestep a bitter end... Fake is not a face i wanna see close enough to get nose to nose... The conditions only arouse a false narrative that eventually explode... So to take self into consideration is a must with foes rushing to the scene... Chasing a visual misconception of who's within ones own that cannot be seen... There's those who just wanna please anyone at all costs as long as selfishness is aloud... N they're the reason my seclusion has lil belief in hearts tossed about... Luv in camouflage is the description that best describes the insanity... As relations always ends in harsh forms where outbursts are slung in profanities...

hand in hand...

 We can watch the days come n go. Give time a lil piece of mind for a place to call home. As the moon moves with the seasons up above. Calming our nerves to accept a norm that evolves into luv. Witness to how life changes in our eyes. Being the difference it takes to come alive. With hope that today ends for a tomorrow to begin. Wrapped up with u at nights end coming from within. In the middle of everything as a reason to give. As growth evolves together tasting the softness of entangled lips. The visual would be a sight to cater to in its own. Having a companion worth the depths surfacing to never be alone. Whether it be laying as close as possible or out n about. We could possibly be an exception to the rules of when n how. We just havta open up like the sky that allows us to see it displayed in rare form. With our own unique type of beauty reaching from our cores. Bared as if skin felt told the truths of comfort touched. Stirring up the inner makings seen in motion moving as an us. As we age hand in hand for as long as we can breathe. Just you and me.

fulfillment...

Don't close your eyes unless you take me with you. Don't leave me here for my heart to be abused. Whether it's your dreams you're escaping to or the bitter end. I can't survive in this world without my friend. No other will ever do for me what you do without even trying. So don't abandon worth by avoiding our time of dying. Because you're that extra dose of life that awakens me. You make it so much easier for me to breathe. Don't you dare go drifting off thinking I'll be okay. For who I am is a better me just to say your name... Yet, this you should know by the touch of my hand. Reaching for you to piece together a master plan. As the nearer you are to me the simpler my mind tends to think. From the form of a want you have become a need. A necessity for my heart to feel emotion only you create. you've opened me up as for your fingers are the key that moved my chest like a gate. Swung wide for you to enter at will as my intent began to spill. Making it impossible to ever replace the fulfillment you give simply standing still... Just be mindful of how lost I'd be if you were gone. As I ask, for it, am I wrong?

thigh high...

It's crazy to think I'm believe I'm falling for the inner part of ur thighs. Right where the leg meets ur body. Mmm, how nummy the skin as u go back n forth as i close my eyes. As my tongue slides from side to side never once to floppy. With strokes to feel as sensitive as ur moans coming to life. Rolling in motion n sucking on ur flesh. Breaking under pressure over the way I claim u as mine. U have a flava that's ever so fresh. N I truly think I'm collapsing in a bow. Down before u to serve ur sighs. Simply enjoying myself with the treasure I've found. I must be crazy but i love the way ur hips grind. For my hormones crave a lick just for u. Swirling to the rotation of ur passions so alive. Damn I can't get enough of the way u move. Ur worth every second bouncing off my lips tonight.

When the sun comes up...

We can sit around anywhere you like & watch the sun set whenever u want. Though will be there come morning when it tends to come back up? We can do whatever as we decide leading into the night. Thing is if I'm not by your side in the a.m. is it really worth the time? With life having so many options that fulfill the crave of comfort. Am I the one who will rest to awaken to your presence in the early morn? Rolling over to hold on to the memories made the evening before. As hope clings to the certainty of luv wanting more. In motion with vibes pulsating to the rhythm of the heart. We can get together for a lil while n go back home if you like. Or be in the moment where friends land in a cuddle coming alive. Gazing at the stars as we drift off to sleep. It just depends on how deep you wind up feeling me.

Confession...

It's personal but it's the truth. Coming to a cross roads of not knowing what to do. Life in a hand held safe. Needing to be freed to taste a new name. From the past through the pain the heart has done its time. But where is one to turn in the middle of life? Spinning thoughts rotate Werth days getting away from hope. It seems luv midst wants to find a home. On the quieter side of whispers i simply don't know howto open up. Yet i can feel something stirring in depths fighting the hush. Lost within beneath the shallows of living skin deep n never felt. I'm unwinding to the loosening up n reflecting on self. In constant wonder of a rhythm that contributes to who i am. But the silence never reaches ears for the untold me is a lonely stance. Hidden behind walls line emotions captured by the snuggling of the ribs. N all that's ever been desired is to truly live. Though hi's tend to face goodbyes one too many times. Buried is worth in a grave that cannot see the sunshine. N it sure would be nice to feel roots dig in for me to evolve. As i sit on the other side of compromise afraid to sort through another's flaws. Damn me if i don't step outta the norm I've become. For memories have fell from smiles n i haven't a true grin to create a blush. With so much good to give i run from my mind. Slowly dying without a friend to share my life. With words emerging like ammo ready to fire. Patiently waiting on a set of eyes i cannot help but to admire. I'm at the bottom of a raw intense reality that refuses leave me be. For everyone i turn around my curiosity picks at the possibilities on the outside off daydreams. Needing a convo to break the chain restricting my use. Only if there was a genuine touch to relieve me of this sheild that claims to protect me from admitting a truce. Changing my story's end of winding up as had been. A once upon a time ago as someone who had more than enough to gain passion landing upon the lips. Where's the interest in another in which i lack? Maybe I'm just lingering until i find my match. That one face that lights up free will. Giving reason to adapt to the absence of a long lost thrill. In my honesties i reside wasting moments due to the pickiness i possess. This is what i confess...

our universe...

in the middle of everything standing with u.

beneath the stars hovering looking down on us as proof.

holding on to the way the night opens up to un i.

friends for life has found their way here tonight.

draped upon us is is a mood made for two.

stripping us down to silhouettes on the move.

loosening to the feel of body warmth.

as only our eyes can see the expressions perform.

captured by the heart n pulsating in a kiss.

lips slide with a vibe that sighs in a total eclipse.

coming into play with a background made of dreams.

there's u before the one u see as me.

there's no moon to take away from the beauty we possess.

for it's hidden behind a cloud  that gives the perfect special affect.

complimenting how we gravitate towards each other.

in tune with the way words softly utter.

of luv n bonds taking form in syllables moving tongues.

as if the sky was alive n breathing with us.