Not on my final day…

Don’t tell em I’m a good person bcuz you know damn straight if I were we wouldn’t be strangers here today. As I lay motionless for your tongue to live up to every curve of syllables that rambled on for quite some time. Don't switch up now. It's ok to hate me the way you do. Remember to tell em of all the flaws you seen in me as you protect yourself from their ridicule and judgements. The quiet part is your secret that are those of your own. It’s okay, I’ll remain the problem you sought out so you had someone to blame. Even though I know the boogyman in your head doesn't look like me. I'll be the scapegoat. That, I don't have a choice in but it's okay bcuz I was built for the load so you can live on. I couldn't live to your accord as your expectations wasn't that of my own for self. I had my own dreams to make happen after so long of caring so much of others. I was put on hold for you. My life altered as what I wanted had to wait. Although, I found a use to keep me going until the full circle rounded about that never completed the bubble when it came titled around the bend. You forgot that I was as human as you. I heard your voice's ridiculed who I was behind your eyes. So don’t show up when I expire in this dimension for there's no score being kept. Don’t sacrifice your character. Live in the energy that carried sound through the air of how I did what I did the way you seen it without hearing my side of the reality I lived.  Don't part with what you allowed to be known of me for me now. None of it matters anymore. You're free. Don’t show em the weakness of luv to have the ability to relate with the monster I've become in your version of what you claim you know. Keep the facade on display that you’ve found for you to exist in this world as I'm the standard of what not to be. I get it. With the pain you express with the tears that just might flow. It's a lil too late to care. There’s no point in pretending you like me so appearing at my funeral isn’t as necessary as you’d think. There's no need in fake smiles. No reason to put on a show. Help yourself to make sure you evolve so your safe space isn’t interrupted at my expense. Now that I am gone, make sure everyone knows of the energy you’ve directed at me in which was how I could’ve lived to your demand. For I have my own choice of words that are wiser than you’d care to hear. But I'll just say what I'm saying in this deficiency of hope that died ever so slow. I’ve done all I can as I was to fade away to help the sanity from the constant pressure to live up to what you thought was best. In the real world heroes die. But, don’t tell em I didn’t fit the strings so I couldn't ever be the puppet to moving to the beat of you drum.  Everyone makes mistakes as we all see fit to create a life from the experiences we get involved in by merely breathing day by day. Inching our way along like walking the edge of sanity's smirk. And that’s the thing you must keep the most dear to the luv you have for the lifestyle you choose. I never wanted you to be like me. But don’t tell em. Don’t expose the echoes of hate to the aftermath that will forever be the last word. All I ever wanted was for you to become you. To take what I had to offer and better your chances long before I ever woke up to breaking the cycle myself. Just don't come to see me that one last time like you’ve waited to get the last say so. Not on my final day. Tell em anything you want at any point in time. Just leave me be one last time. I’ll be at peace without the constant chaos of likes and dislikes that were aloud to wedge a divide through the lack of experience of what it takes to accept outside the norm of fingering life out in all of our own unique ways. If I’m no one to pester to be around, don’t tell em it’s your fault we fell apart. You’re only the judgements that make the vote count to only you. We’re all human so don’t carry that weight. Just live. Find your way the same way you did without me while I still had air in my lungs. Be as silent as I'm laying at ease as the rheum that keeps your eyes shut. Eyes that are yet to never see me again. Don’t change the pitter patter of the spark in your chest. You’ll be fine without me. Just look at you now. Plucked from my shadow that was too dark for you to feel the sun. Thing is, we’re all misunderstood once we find ourselves. If we actually become to be, without trying to figure it out before we live long enough to reflect back on the truth that cannot be changed. As I’ll be the last version of me without your presence when you already know there’s things that could've been handled differently while others were still alive. Just be the center of your own universe and oppose any other way that doesn’t align to the entitlements of the lost cause. We’ve come to be ghosts prior to my departure so let’s keep the theme so you can believe what you want. Shh, silence is the best thing that could ever capture the essence of self-righteous demands. Lets not cater to the mutilation of family first. Let it be. Let it go. There’s no reasoning with the monster you’ve triggered from deep within me that refused to fight. It attempted to avoid the war you craved so we didn't transform into the game that has ended. There is a power over me that you were never meant to possess. One that you’ve failed to obtain. And from it no one needs to know of the intent behind your eyes. I’d rather this world learn of you as you become a better specimen that you can live with. You will get older. Life will push you. Things will happen that'll mold you into something that seems to be a bit like me. Unlike me, you're too into the norm to see it. My faults are mine as you’ll have yours when you begin to deteriorate. I just wanted to take part in the situation that should've lingered in between us. But like the emptiness that holds no weight, don’t appear outta nowhere when your ears catch whispers of my fate. I’ll just remain the memory that wasn’t worth two fucks to truly come together for a lifetime of luv. So, from a distant stand clear with fingers that point in my direction. Your deception is my secret I’ll carry to my grave. To bury it in the unknown contents of, wtf was it all ever for? Don’t tell em you miss what you couldn’t find in your own heart. Let em believe I was the issue as I pretended to be untamable and unbreakable. Don't tell em you never really got to know me. It’s in the matter of the respect that you lack and yet, you demand it to be given. But you’ll grow and witness yourself with all the lil things you’ll wanna change that you simply can’t. That's when you'll defy me the most. Don’t show up after I’ve crossed over. I’ll not have a need for it no more as a stranger isn’t someone who should be smiling at me. You fucked up with me. You thought I was like you. But I don't forgive what I see with my own eyes. Not on my final day...