I'm jus askin...

 if I told u.
 if u were to listen for once.
 if u sent me back to where u fond me.
 if I said without u I wouldn't feel like much.
 jus moseyin around.
 not knowin where I belonged.
 missin the one person that made the difference.
 listenin to every known sad song.
 would u feel the void?
 the emptiness that would kill me alive.
 in need of what was shared.
 the irreplaceable emotional dive.
 if u were to know U touched me.
 now stranded in life.
 would it make any sense as of yet?
 jus to hear my heart speak ur name.
 starvin in a way no other luv could feed.
 findin it so fuckin hard to simply breathe without the pain.
 like my mind would be set on cruise control.
 waitin on ur return.
 livin to catch another image of ur face.
 through eyes that were fixed upon u.
 is it possible you'd hear the tone?
 doin more than whisper the secrets I held in the dark.
 with patience unbearable feelin alone.
 if I wasn't able to move on.
 for reasons u couldn't understand.
 jus passin time n unused.
 thinkin it be nice to feel in my palm, ur hand.
 I'm askin cuz I wouldn't know what to do.
 lost without ur reflection in my eyes.
 with me being the eyelids for would I if I were.
 to tell u the opposite in a lie.
 so u could jus get on with the alternative.
 cuz jus maybe for me there's no feelings that hide.
 done n out in the world as I'd jus be an afterthought.
 jus to know would be nice.
 so knowin won't waste mine or any others time.
 as they can't comprehend y I couldn't luv them.
 it's jus if I spoke once the moment came.
 cuz I don't wanna go thru life forced to pretend.
 if it wind up in ur hands.
 n conversation is all it took.
 tellin me it is what it is.
 would the truth come from ur lips read from ur own book?

 what if I said I'd miss u at the beginning of one day n it never end? I'm jus askin....

Left in the middle of luv...

 Not til luv reaches the mind will nothin ever be the same.
 In true form openin the deepest layer to show the concurin tame.
 Driven to the edge of sanity teeterin on the balance of change.
 Losin the meanin of worth walkin away leavin life so strange.
 Not til its gone will the appreciation take it's toll within the heads ache.
 Knowin u had it in hands that was gentle to the touches fade.
 Not knowin where to go to find the completion that stepped out.
 Exit stage left for reasons not of owns faults yet provoked by extreme accounts.
 Forcin the purest emotion to cling to the only thing that could make the difference.
 In total defense.
 Attemptin to get at a life that would mean more than any other.
 Windin up laid out in the open in a false state of who self is as a cover.
 Crackin the shell as all the good leaks a sizzled hole in the heart.
 Unable to understand the reality of bein left in the middle of luv barred.
 Doin all one can to hold it together on anothers actions failin.
 Watchin them leave as they're bailin.
 Hurt in a way that the replacement is irrelevant to attempt.
 As total chaos of what to do spirals as if a hurricane mid vent.
 Like empty driftwood afloat the rivers top goin who knows where.
 N all u ever did was take a moment to actually care.
 Makin sure they had someone who was there like no one else.
 With the slow realization of who was truly felt.
Sittin at the beginnin of the world's end.
Missin in life a what coulda been so much more than friends.

Jus go...

Where'd u go?
I'm feelin u tonight.
It's such a drawn out ache.
Somethin i can hide.
Not this evenin.
Times a waste.
Tragic to say the least.
Y won't it fade?
Guess this is it.
The way life runs out.
Tickin heart bomb beats.
Windin down.
Somehow it still hurts.
U leavin crippled me.
Damn near paralyzed.
Sittin within another dream.
Where'd my friend go?
Long lived, huh, gone!
Thought i, nah.
I was wrong.
What else is there?
There's nothin left of me.
It's over so leave.
Get outta my memories.
I don't miss u.
Then again i sigh at the sound.
What am i to do?
All u do is linger.
Torcherin my thoughts.
Yet ur the one pointin fingers.
Remember who gave up?
Drove the other mad, crushed.
So deep in luv.
No other could touch.
N for reasons We both know on hush.
U wanted out.
What a confusin thought.
Rare, it stood proud.
Driven into the unreal.
I sit.
In a different world.
U r not missed.
I'm better off.
With someone who's willin.
Jus go.
Cuz I found luv.
Puttin in the work.
N I'm keepin her.

Curiosity asks if u ever felt it. The way it touched u. N how it ran through u. To realize it literally ran straight through u, takin who u was with it. Standin in the mirrors edge that seems so tempting. desperately searchin for what's left. Findin fragments of shattered pieces scattered. Leavin cracks so fragile. To damn sensitive to the slightest breeze that hurts gettin back up. To wind up in the cycles circle definin character breakin down. Bled dry as new life struggles to trust anything that moves on it's own. Needin actions to speak, muted by questions that linger within that sit on the finger prints afraid to land. To be felt. To enjoy self puttin together the puzzle of self he doesn't even know how to construct. Wantin a lil help n a sharper set of eyes to watch the back. As it stands before u n u don't know how to truly open up. Willin n holdin in hand the facts in dyer need to show the face behind the masks entertainment. Diggin deep so another other than self is real. For the one behind the reflection of the glass that stares is watchin everything in sight. It's jus a wonder in the mind that lingers with the thought that matters.

Gettin down...

 She asked, how would u like for me to be under ur fingerprints?
 So i could feel ur mark touch me in a place in which they don't make a license.
 U could own me for a lil while n enjoy me in a way I'd only allow u to.
 Takin ur time to open ur mind to explore my limitations through n through.
 I'd be urs as long as u needed me, til I felt ur every fantasy callin to me.
 I could be everything u ever wanted in a woman down for whatever sits in ur dreams.......

 As the head cocked back with a stare takin notice of the way her eyes seemed to move her lips.
 The response went a lil somethin like this...........

 Girl, I ain't ur typical figure u thought u had made.
 The simplest pleasures in life don't rest between ur legs.
 Shit here runs deep, so ur gonna havta realize I feel the same way as u.
 Yet with a twist with the sex on the side that will be used.
 This mans a bit more with it as I'm bout to break it down so u understand.
 Cuz I to can ask that question, but with a more realistic approach in the way i stand.
 How would u like to open up a man n find the satisfaction of gentleness?
 Someone who never wants to do u wrong nor play with ur happiness.
 Mature n bout it til the day life takes me away from ur hearts grip.
 Never to sensitive for I am a man n i do man shit.
 Yeah, I can be seductive as well, but that'll come soon enough.
 N believe me, u wont be left wantin more when n if I do take a chance on u to feel the touch.
 U can't get to me through my woody wantin somethin long term.
 Of this, only time will of me help u learn.
 I'm in need of the ends meetin in my minds risk.
 Don't get me wrong, I like the angle of interest but I'm not feedin into the bullshit.
 Ur standin before the real deal that can n will get down.
 But u might wanna rethink how ur deliverin yourself, I'm not a hound.
 I can get that shit at will.
 N I don't mean to put myself above u cuz I'd luv to dive into the thrill.
 Jus understand u can get to a man like myself a lil quicker if u opened up.
 Showin yourself as a lady n for what happens behind closed doors, is on hush.
 Come with it without the games u think all men Fein for.
 Cuz before me peekin at u, I see somethin a bit more than so much more.
 But don't ever forget the chemistry of sexuality is not jus on my end wantin to feel u.
 Know how to enjoy what could be real without the games that flirt with proof.
 With sayin that I jus gotta single question for ya.
 R u willin to dig in n get down under the skin within a fella?
 Cuz very few of us know what we r.
 We jus need a real woman to do their part.
 Please don't take this as u not havin depth.
 But this man wants to know I to am more than felt with in life a lil help.
 So if ur willin to step to the plate n offer 100%.
 Yeah, I'd luv to get down with u with good intent.
 Cuz u to could have a lil actual enjoyment to fill a void.
 So y don't u temp yourself to witness the difference between men n boys.

As she pressed her finger against my lips n said, I like the way u talk.
N it sounds like u got game for days, but can u handle my flaws?
Cuz in my mind ur all same.
Thinkin with ur chub n forgettin women luv the passions speakin our name.
R u as real as words that mean so lil spoken?
Will I be ur everything n find self wrapped at night within ur arms as I'm what their holdin?
Cuz to be more than an attraction, u gotta give.
Luv isn't one of those things u play with.
So don't sit here n fill me the lies that can't be filled.
Imma need a bit more than loose lips as ur charm spills.
I ain't what u think I am.
N I wasn't comin at u tryin to get down the way any girl can.
I'm real, so take notice in the way I see what it is i do in u.
Even though I'd do things to make u never want another with use.
I was jus in the moment of bein alone n I jus can't help myself.
It's not often a man knows how to leak the comfort rarely felt.
So don't ever think I'm like the rest.
If I were to dabble a bit, you'd be the reason steppin to the test.
I got me intact n don't need a man to take care of me.
So I jus suggest u to calm down n go with the flow n met in the middle of this thing.
Cuz in the flesh, you'll never find another jus right for u.
But don't mistake this woman for a call on mute.
I got me on point n that's a fact.
If that doesn't tell u bout what ur dealin with u can kiss my azz.

Yeah, I felt that shit.
As my heart through restraints ripped.
Reachin n leanin to get down in a way my life stands beside her.
Askin, is there for me in ur world, worth?

Yeah boy! U know I got u.
So shut up n realize I'm here for u.

There it goes.
The bottom jus gave out.
There's no way to save it.
Ouch!
Walls jus fell over.
Ceilin dropped.
Seems life jus gave up.
The seams were plucked.
The stitches wore.
It'll go down as a never endin wound.
Damn thing jus couldn't take it.
Tappin out way to soon.
Guess its back to square one.
Basic necessities.
Facin the facts.
Time to accept reality.
Shit will never be the same.
The world looks different.
Home did the unthinkable.
Abracadabra, poof, it went.

Dedicated to the noose...

I can see me hangin there.
 The joy in my expression is eerie
 Smilin cuz the pain is almost over.
The soothing feelin isn't all that leary.
 It explains the struggle.
 N I'm Losin my fight.
 I bet it feel good to tap out.
 The backs filled up with to many the knives.
 N hard times forced me to swing.
 In my mind i fantasize.
 As it eases my truths.
 Beaten by my very own reality.
 I feel it as the rope tightens.
 Takin me away from the bullshit.
 Finally the relief.
 There's space between the ground n my feet.
 The endless has come to pass.
 Tied above as it releases me.
 N my own has found the answer.
 I jus wanna be free.
 So i guess this is that letter.
 This world isn't worth the anguish.
 Humanity has lost here.
 It's to fuckin selfish.
 Yet i connect with the vision.
 Danglin in the breeze.
 Somethin went seriously wrong.
 I can't sleep without this dream.
 It haunts me.
 Yet gives so much comfort.
 Cuz there's a way to stop this depression.
 I see my suicide stranglin my vocal chords.
 Once dedicated to the noose.
 Jus to know if the after l life is a lie.
 I'm sorry i jus can't go on.
 I lost control of my mind.
 So far into reality it drove me nuts.
 There's no return.
 This is a for sure a one way ticket.
 N now it's my turn.
Come with me.
There's one for all of us.
That way i don't feel so bad.
For leavin u n such.
Cuz its time to climb.
 1, 2, 3.....
 Take a deep breath.
 Please remember me!!!

Fuck dreamin... I'll sleep when I'm dead!!!

Secrets wonder...

Under the truths hidden from the eyes isolated from what's bared down to bare minimum.
Lays the twist of the lies untold so ears can not hear the tears drizzle effectin the smile goin numb.
Secrets wonder if what's shielded with the pains camouflaged will ever stand up n break free.
Findin a friend within shakin the head for self can't stand to rock the cage that only rattles the pleads.
Everyday is a repeat n all one can do is give a lil more than yesterday under the circumstances.
Opened to regain somethin that resembles normal so far in the distance defenseless.
Pulled beneath the surface where depression becomes the comfortin friend of the unexplained.
 Questions fall short of answers as reality takes blow after blow tryin hard to maintain.
N quietly kept is the struggle forced that takes more than it ever gives in return to the cause.
As patterns speak without words squeezin the remains of emotions lookin in disbeliefs pause.
Carryin the silent battle to rise in time to the one place that makes more than enough sense.
Witness to only the one within that cares bout a better life awaitin a luv that is more than lent.
It hurts beyond words scrambled in the head confusin the satisfaction that tends to fade.
Simply in need of another to step up n get with life that's fallin away from the invisible like rain.
Drippin on a turned cheek bein let down after everything that's been put into intensions fold.
Knowin the tension between luv will eventually lose the war if things r to chilled to hold.
All cuz one of the two fail to produce value in relations standin alone somewhere in the middle.
N the understandin isn't truly met as a rhyme is more along the lines of written as a riddle....

Goin all out...

Mentally disoriented.
Seems the snap jus wasn't enough.
There's somethin seriously wrong.
I feel the splinters of my crutch.
Fallin deep within.
Losin the only thing any of us have.
The minds found the sweet spot.
Confused in the silences that fade n entertain.
Standin at the crevasses' edge.
Lookin down into the pit.
It sees the heart as the enemy.
N I don't know if it can be fixed.
I'm so far gone.
Idk if I can return.
The pain is the poisons high.
Absorbed within shallow words.
Who's ever who?
Damn, fuck, shit.
What the #@*% am i?
I'm losin it.
The grip is damn near gone.
Reality is slippin away.
N my guess is it's self at fault.
I'll take the blame.
Faces change.
Pages fill.
Places move.
Shiftin for the thrill.
The feelin hates the thought.
Sent from above.
In true form.
Cashed out on luv.
Spent is patience.
Stronger yet weakenin.
It's jus bout that time.
Cuz actions r deceivin.
Gettin lost in the split.
Ripped into a crack.
I'm slippin on it's cliff.
Dyin to face the facts.
Lips only form what's needed to be heard.
As sound is in the distance.
Behind the back echoin.
N there's no resistance.
Down goes big man.
Favored to stand in a new days glory.
But no one knows.
The other side of the story.
Playin games with intensions.
On the darker side of a grin.
Can it be seen?
It's what the shade hides in.
Attemptin to relate the shadow of a friend.
Unable to surface.
It's a distraction to say the least.
Makin luv out to be worthless.
The breakin point had been repaired.
Now more damaged than ever.
It is what it is..
N what it ain't is me gettin better.
Deadlines can't be erased.
Once motive appears in time.
For it's the only way to know.
At the drawn line.
If I can even respond to life the same.
Cuz nothin is jus that.
As I'm barely standin within frame.
There's to much goin on upstairs.
I'm fightin who it is i am.
Forgettin one set aside.
Is it happenin once again?
I feel as crazy as a fuckin loon.
Helpless.
Dysfunctionally misunderstood.
Refusin what fakes the happiness.

Come correct...

U can't take the dream away from me.
Yet it isn't the same after feelin so fuckin alone.
Seems I'm right back where i started.
Handin out worth that jus isn't cloned.
I'm not felt n given in return.
Bein used is a way of life til one gets shit to play out in facts.
Hands up blockin the jabs.
N that's that.
The me I know it's here n will never fade.
Steppin with purpose in form.
Fallen to scrapple til I die.
Ur for warned.
Stand aside if u can't step it up.
Cuz game is the final carousel.
Goin round for round.
I'll bout makin the fuckin bills.
Paid in full.
Get with it or remove yourself.
Cuz this new me.
Dig in n find the only help.
So understand ur place.
Ur a conversation to ease my time.
Comfort, friendship, a passionate luv'r.
Enjoyed yet toe touch the line.
Come correct.
Last a lil longer than figurin what u want.
N calculate me in.
Out this can be done.
Finito, vamoose I'm gone.
I ain't playin around with with luv.
I'm tired of tellin a me face I luv em.
Shits got bars on my heart.
N I'm no fuckin slave.
Two as one.
Come with me.
This is a good place to come undone.
Or it's ok if u go.
I'll stand the same in movement.
The same way u find me.
Solo n knowin I'm bold.
U got what I like.
Down to a tee.
But what u see here.
Hasn't yet begun to breathe.
I've been on this road n know how to respond.
N I can't help myself.
Jus know this lil bit.
If u can't feel me by now, I'll never be felt.
Yet I do give a shit.
So here's that moment of truth.
Starin u down as it did me.
What's the honest use?

It lives... Schizophrenia

 I felt it fall deeply in luv with me.
 Ssh. I'm tryin to hear what it wants.
 The aches r dead silent.
 But the echoes vibrate the truths hunt.
 Oh, the way it turns to stone.
 Every time I try to escape.
 It's claim feels me through.
 The filter of Luvs stage.
 Trustin in me, it has no need.
 I let emotion gargle on the waste.
 N from the taste it flees.
 I can only feel what it allows.
 In full control it's still.
 Motionless in time.
 It's had enough of what's been spilled.
 Listen with me.
 Through my actions that speak.
 As the ripples can be felt.
 In the way I breathe.
 Gaspin for airs life.
 Strugglin to find a way.
 It's unwillin to let shit be.
 I'm constantly reminded with drownin waves.
 Under the tsunami face down.
 Forced to swim to shore.
 To visualize the pain.
 Witness to my damaged core.
 It's been givin the reins.
 Stearin whatever may be.
 Directin the orchestra in my heart.
 Remindin me dreams don't belong in reality.
 My face can only express what is true.
 Draggin the waters.
 Seekin my worth.
 In search of what truly matters.
 Toot toot, this steam engine lost its caboose.
 Runnin outta track.
 Derailed.
 In pieces in the middle of a heart attack.
 It hurts to be normal.
 Quietly kept, I'm imprisoned within.
 Trapped by fear.
 By the muted scream that empties the grin.
 Rippin me open to shed dry tears.
 Slow n steady.
 Squeezin heartbeats pulse to a minimum.
 It's fingers like a cage.
 Wrapped around my stolen minds equilibrium.
 Made to be conscious.
 For it is my carelessness that be this.
 So yes em sir.
 I do what you's tells me from ya lips.
 Enslaved by neglect.
 The comfort turned on me.
 But it doesn't see it that way.
 Neither my pleads.
 Lackin a vivid description.
 The image of self is vague n blurred.
 Disoriented as if confused of what it is.
 The unknown me has been stirred.
 Yet to surface.
 Due to failin my own.
 Corrupted by schizophrenic design.
 I've been tamed by irrelevant moans.
 Livin under a casted spell.
 Dethroned n captured.
 Chained to my darkest dungeon.
 By far, more than fractured.
 Alone n torn.
 Reckless courage now afraid.
 Sunk n anchored.
 The bubbles reach for the stagnant faze.
 Floatin on patience.
 Guided by the endless linger.
 The old me ancient.
Lost to the inevitable.
Mind blown outta proportion.
I am not alone.
Talkin to my illusions.

Love...

Know if u touch me it's the end of ur happiness.
 Luv'n me jus shows u have a certain level of carelessness.
 Avoid contact at all costs n save yourself before u lose ur mind.
 I'm cursed as u to will cuss a swear u shoulda never let me in ur life.
 I will only fill the rush that leaves rather quickly.
 Sittin in ur hand as it hurts to hold insecurities.
 I'll be the one u wont miss for matter is not my name.
 It's me, Mr. Oh my god i fuckin hate.
 U, will taste the words that will lunge with force.
 Wiindin up on the outside of homes door.
 Jus cuz I am who I am n I'm lookin for somethin u prolly won't possess.
 You'll get it once you've taken a look into interest.
 There's so many things you'll find about me u can't stand.
 As I'll adopt as many names as u can throw at this man.
 U won't care n I'll find the frustration to fight.
 As u see my character can be provoked as it would appear that i lied.
 As I swore to never hurt u.
 So what do u say we jump straight to the truths.
 Cuz I'm as human as u can possibly attempt to breathe.
 I ain't got shit to hide in the open waitin to witness it be released.
 In time givin up cuz u jus can't hack it.
 Thinkin ur better off as u have that right to dismiss me pist.
 I'm tellin u how it's gonna end if u care to listen.
 If ur curious to keep it from rippin another hole in which I'd be missin.
 I'm jus one man who will never do anything right.
 That's how ur eyes will see me as u share ur insight.
 Yet there's a question I'd luv to ask that'll help u realize the answer upon ur lips.
 Is there anyone other than me you'd wanna do it with?
 To dig in n luv as to hate is me n u in this lifetime.
 U see, I know what it is for I am not blind.
 I jus know what I want n am down for the good weighed down by the aftermath.
 Jus to come full circle n know no matter what, flaws clash.
 But givin u back to this world is not an option.
 So choose what it is u speak in ur actions.

Solid in delivery...

Speaking from what triggers the pain.
Raw emotion feeds on betrayals gain.
Dissecting the way it enters the heart.
With no chance of trusting anyone tearing me apart.
The swiveling mind has suffered enough.
Went from automatic to shifting the clutch.
Alert peeking backwards, forward for once.
I've played the fool that became the chump.
There's no need in givin the attention in reverse.
The backs healed and away from thirst.
Blood thieving blades will never insert the stain.
Left to scrub at the texture drained.
I've awakened to realities accepted.
Able to decipher through the lies, detected.
Movin like a runnin back, low n effective.
Bowing through what's being inspected.
Well before it reaches the sweet spot within.
With a stiff arm followed by a spin.
In lifes obstacle course playin the game.
Standing as a man I felt lesser than a lame.
Knowin I stood in n did what I didn't havta do.
Luv is but a feeling consuming the blinded woos.
Times have changed my lean.
I got back in and rearranged the patterns need.
Hand stitched thread by thread.
Fed up using a curved needles angle in my head.
Wiring strings overlapping the seams strength.
Repaired is the rotations train of thought read.
N it goes a little something like this.
Don't fall for anymore useless bullshit.
For the artillery is aimed as if a firing squad.
Scoping the scoop trying to school the applause.
I need not hear without actions of interest.
I'll just squeeze the juice from chartering lips.
Forcing the issue fishing as me as bait.
Wanting more than the worm I will not take.
I don't swim in a garden of lusts.
Invisible to me is the promiscuous.
Solid in delivery the steel don't melt to passions flame.
All because I can't stand dripping in the rain.
The squishy walk isn't my cup of tea.
No matter the amount of sugar added to lure me.
The candies eye is nothing more than a shell emptied.
There's no depth for maturities use to flow through the veins.
Trust is the balance of proof toeing the line.
Teeter up teeter down, words are sly.
Hidden behind these eyes is the transforming of shifting momentum.
In possession of the antidote to the rejected venom.
Respectfully in complete understanding of what holds the ties knot.
I am what can not be stopped....

Who...

Who is it  that is on your level?
Looking down.
Pick your head up.
Is there anyone there?
What did their back look like?
I am just asking.
Curious to know.
Is their frontal visual close?
How close?
Can you feel them breathe on your lips?
Take a step back.
Are they stepping into you?
Unwilling to give space.
For another to slide in.
Can you see the design in their eyes?
The colors that call to you.
Reflecting your image.
As the stare has you in sight.
Turn your head.
Allow your own eyes to peek about.
Are they in wonder?
Has their expression changed?
Witness the interest.
Or that there the lack of.
Who is it rising to the occasion?
Moving with you as if dancing.
In sync.
Never missing a beat.
Even when and if the music stops.
Who is it?
Reaching for you.
Just wanting to touch you.
To feel you.
Coming to a slow movement.
Just before the contact.
As hairs feel their presence.
Prior to the caressing tease.
Landing on nerves.
Silent.
Yet outspoken.
Connecting through proof.
Of enjoyment.
Longing to press the issue.
Extracting you from within.
As your heart stops and misses a beat.
Pulsating.
More rapidly out of control.
Are they showing you it is ok?
That the love is real.
Just wanting to be a part of your life.
Close enough to be the one.
Meeting expectations.
Without being asked.
Giving in good faith.
Hoping you lean in.
So the hand can leave an imprint.
An impression that wants to last.
Are you on their level?
Chasing what never has to be chased.
Saving heated breaths for their neck.
And theirs alone.
Releasing the passion.
How is it you want to be felt?
Not for self.
But received in delivery.
Accepted.
Filing in more than the void.
Sinking in beneath the skin.
Without ever actually becoming flush.
Wanting only to feel your laugh.
The vibrations that shape your smile.
To experience life come to life.
From within you.
Just to know you.
In ways you only know yourself.
Who is it making the difference?
Them or you?

I only want u....... I gotta have u. In n out. Wish u felt how I truly feel. It's like u r the only one that makes everything better. Bein around u. Takin to u. Close enough to feel u. Physically n emotionally. Ur my sexual preference. To feel ur skin. To be inside of u. To feel u touch me. Kiss me. Look at me as if I'm him. The answer. Cuz that's what u r. I wanna stink into u. Feel ur life come to life. Open up n bare every once of luv. Share it. Enjoy it. Cone to accept ur anyways gonna be here. Be there. Givin yourself the way I'm willin to. It's unreal how I want u in my life. As if u were to disappear, I'd be lost. You've become the one I never wanna go within. It hurt to much. You've gotten deeper than anyone I've ever known. Ever met. Ever been with. I'd do anything to show u. Jus so u can be u. Who u truly r. In rare form. Unafraid to show me without bein judged. In any category in ur wildest thoughts. I'm here for ur happiness. Cuz mine itself can live knowin I'm him. In luv.

Force me to meet expectations other luv'rs set adrift for they couldn't hold their own.
Time is only the one moment never meant to be relived so lets get it n get to actin grown.
Like we can maintain the balance met on a weave bobbin somewhere down the middle.
Leanin n leadin all in the same breath that flows simultaneously with a sighs gentle tickle.

It's not til u feel life touch u. That u realize there's nothin left to say. Cuz no matter what drips from ur lips tryin to be understood. It'll only make u sound as if ur crazy. Yet even though ur on a whole other level, what made sense, corrupted who u were. A follower tryin to lead the way. But it's not til reality stands before u that u witness who u really have become. Who u r. N u don't know yourself the way u thought u did. It's harsh n valuable all in the same. N even though others look at u as if ur nuts. U know u broke the barriers in ur mind that hold u back. In rare form shakin ur head cuz it doesn't seem anyone understands. The only way to truly find yourself is jus after u feel ur mind snap. Awakened in a new vision that missin self is no longer an issue. It's jus that self is actually alone. Stand inside yourself n feel yourself. That's all we have. Until its checkout time. The brutal happiness of knowin what it means to be alive is insanity. To live free n alert to the bs is puttin up with it before it even exists. Cookoo to say the least, but it makes perfect sense in a raw mind that's flushed out what had been forced to believe. Nothin is what it appeared to be as that look comes sneakin up on ur face like u don't know whether to smile or cry. As ur asked, r u ok? A constant reminder that u lost it. But gained so much more. Simply to far gone to be reached anymore. Distant yet well with it. Trapped in ur own mind.

Muted by the chew...

 Unheard n unspoken.
 Ears don't care to hear Luvs slave.
 With purpose in the tone.
 If ever the meanin could reach thru the rage.
 Imprisoned within the walls of the mouth.
 Forced to obey n maintain.
 Dissectin self in every inch.
 Buildin up speed as if a locomotive train.
 Truths lay in shreds upon the tongue.
 Tasted to learn.
 Lessons of letters torn apart.
 Losin n missin out on their own worth.
 Words.... Muted by the chew.
 Screamin between the teeth.
 As the lips were taught never to show the munch.
 Swallowed with the never endin reality.
 Quietly still as the silence lurks.
 Ready to choke from the gag.
 Trapped as the alphabet rearranges in time.
 Speakin a different kinda vocabulary, toe tagged.

Luvs stand....

 Trying to raise the bar of characters will.
 On another level very few step to.
 Attempting to strengthen proofs undying way.
 When words can't somehow get through.
 Actions stand alone in time to come.
 Waiting on patience never to run out.
 Not once looking at another differently.
 Constantly hearing the silence of speech sprung from the mouth.
 A sure thing yet to take the stage to give meaning to the rarity of luv.
 As truths need to perform & be put on display.
 From behind the curtains is the worth of trust.
 Showing willingly what simply won't fade.
 Transforming sound into reality is the key.
 Interest is the balance to be witnessed.
 Some have more purpose in spoken gibberish than that's seen.
 Luv doesn't exist in the vocals volume speaking with lips.
 Shaping what needs to be believed.
 Muted, the vibrations become unheard & irrelevant.
 At least to those that understand the point.
 Standing in the light of relations wisdom & intelligence.
 Finding motions that cause ripples that roll through emotions.
 Is the interaction that's set side by side in stone.
 Of one giving another a reason to fuck with their devotion.
 Toeing the line & reaching for the possibilities.
 Awaiting what could be that hasn't as of yet been.
 Sitting in the dead middle of expressions ignored.
 Cuz without being about it, two as one will never gasp the air running out that is so thin.

That empty space as an equal....

We all pause in time to endure the feeling that may or may not be as real as it appears.
As if chapters written spills ones own story in motion before the eyes soaking in the feel.
Leaking the fear behind happiness's gesture of figuring out where the right place to call home is.
Stepping into each moment with the purpose of emotion's distance on perfection's twist.
Seeking the why me of all questions asked to be answered with why not you of all people.
Giving that acceptance of want as if one would luv to wanna fill that empty space as an equal.
Just waiting with patience for a spark to ignite more than the nights arousal in the mind.
Comfort at it's best insulating the tender ache longing to last as memories are okay to rewind.
Kept for the sensitivity to express gentle passion within whispers spoken of an untold trust.
Without being blinded by the candy coated corruption consuming a false sense of luv.....

Tomorrow will come n go like the breeze.
Before the years pass.
As yesterday goes fast, away from the norm.
N today is the after thought of a forgotten past.
Lettin go of what it wanted while it lasted.
Wonderin if a different path would been better off.
Losin someone else in a similar length of time.
We never think of what shoulda never been a loss.
Nothin lasts forever tryin to get there.
Let down.
Legs race to the finish line.
Enjoyin the moments set aside for no other than self bound.

The after thought....

After the thought of interest.
Somewhere along the lines of livin.
Wtf went to the figment of the imagination.
Wantin it more in the end as something's missin.
Drained by a so called hells forfeited help.
Once the mind wrapped around the proof.
Warped it knew it was lost.
From under the tongues unguided truths.
Held in to forgive n not in a biblical sense.
All cuz a smile mattered briefly, on time.
Easin into erasin bein failed, carryin the weight.
Memories dive into the nights.
Suckin the life outta the comfort.
Past the initiation of luv.
Before standin within self all alone.
Somewhere else sufferin from what appears as Alzheimer's totally numb.
Shit jus gave way.
Emotion gripped the pain with a creature named hate.
Squeezin the stare of anothers cruel grin.
The after thought is always the same.
It's really to funny for a clown to smile.
Expressin what doesn't need to be said.
Steppin out the backside with survival.
Seems someone's always gotta go astray.
Unable to hack it.
Gone n steppin out, becomin a blur.
Well before they coulda let a mo fo know.
In the change of mind confusion occurred.
Sad the heart seems to back it up.
Followin the lead of lust instead of luv flush.
In a way, used til somethin better comes along.
Gapin wounds open to the blind eyes simply unjust.
Yet, who could possibly want them more?
We know what we feel for them night n day.
In our expressions we claim you'll never find another me.
As the chuckle giggles in our irresistible face?
Somewhere near the end we truly change.
Tryin to hold on to who we wanna know.
Desperate or fed up.
Either way, characters take a blow.
Snatched from the depths.
Suffocatin in the pillows talk now muted.
Screamin at the silence buried head deep.
Emptied secrets ask r we ever undisputed?
Then we blink n wake up years from the pain.
N not only is it over.
It's as if it were jus a dream.
N u can't remember what it was like to hold him/her.
There's nothin left to be felt.
Memories shut down n become vague.
As self has reemerged stronger.
Wiser than a prior self engaged as luvs slave.
N more aware to fall to the same ol bs...
Windin up as a thought gathered to land on reasons list.
If the eyes were to shut for good.
Would the dream live on the way we'd like to remember it?
No longer chasin the passions will.
Runnin from the reality under the pressure of the past tense.
Only if the thought would occur in pre game.
Would any of it ever make sense?
Back when the music made us who we were.
Findin the expression in the movement.
Madly in luv n comin undone.
To rest in the finales end well before one could realize what it truly meant.

On my own level.....

Under the influence of thoughts.
Bein attacked by the questions that complicate the facts.
The discomfort echoes in the minds nerve.
Worth, where one stands is jus how words act.

Snappin splinters outta the thunders roar.
Fallin as if what is at stake is a spike inserted into emotions.
In the line of fire of anothers actions causin caution.
Corruptin the lightnin to strike down devotion.

In the imaginations playground tucked up under the tongue.
The figments in my compromised way of thinkin is rare.
Confirmin it's gonna be hard for another to relate.
No one has stepped n swung for one over the plate.

Distance sits mentally between me n everything I want.
Separated by a train of thought in the spotlight of realities gain.
On my own level that reaches backwards for a friend.
Dreamin to pull someone up to speed n say my name.

To real for the average mind to keep up with the facts.
Solo I've become different as eyes luv the candy of my shell.
But can't dig deep enough within themselves to withstand reason.
N it's the meanin in which I repeatedly fall from bein felt.

Clouded segments riddle questions in my head.
Searchin beneath the surface that tells the secret they all hide.
Unable to stand in time as self, ready n willin, knowin what it takes.
As the gate of today is unlocked to open the cell that contains my kind.

Releasin me from the seek n find in words that appear to be found.
Yet don't hold the meanin of truths that spoil in mouths that go foul.
Never once have I been like the eyes that stare into me.
Indeed I am me alone n expressin the confrontation without a sound......

The issue

 Gut checking the subliminal.
 Fact or fictional?
 Head friends speak in tongues.
 Digging into insanities fun.
 Creeping in the vibes.
 Strung out like nerves through my mind.
 Shocking me back to life.
 It's thy own hand that inserted the knife.
 Hidden in the texture is the truths.
 Me, is the enemy screaming for a truce.
 The battle is a war far beyond raged.
 A realization that's been hog tied n tamed.
 I'm tasting the words that's found my lips.
 As through them they rip to live.
 Unheard as the eyes have been blurred.
 Forgetting the meaning of my worth.
 The secret of me is now exposed.
 N With the alphabet it's on a roll.
 As letters flip n claw for air.
 Standing in the mirrors perfect pair.
 Where lies can't tell me fibs.
 Harsh, yet it's a reality that wants to live.
 Swallowed by the gulp.
 Witness to who's truly at fault.
 In the reflection that's ever so still.
 Locked in the glasses edge of the thrill.
 My state of mind is coming undone.
 N thoughts are understandable n on the run.
 Makin sense of decisions made.
 As I back away n but never fade.
 For the expression has so much to say.
 Listening to the tone of my name.
 Spoken to remind me of who i am.
 Dripping through my dedicated hands.
 Falling from within the admittance of reason.
 I've committed a lil thing such as treason.
 My own image doesn't recognize me.
 Peeking a boo it scares the dream that clings.
 In a comatose type of sleep.
 I'm waking up to me wanting to breathe.
 Far from this thing I've somehow become.
 Facing the honesty of bein one hun.

My life is obviously ur death.
So lay me down to an early rest.
It pains u in ways jus knowing me.
As if the same air u can not breathe.
Coexisting is irrelevant in ur mind.
As u live with ur lonely lies.
Hate me, I'm the reason at fault.
N u i will very easily applaud.
I am the despised image u can not shake.
The silhouette in every shadow u can not escape.
The purpose of why life is raw.
Mentally disengaged i am ur flaw.
Gladly I will accept the unforgettable blame.
For u will always remember my dying name.

I need you to tell me you can't do it as you let me go.
Because we both know i simply can not leave on my own.
You reside in a lifestyle that wasn't made for me.
And it feels as if I'm giving up on my gagging dreams.
No mans land is the reality you choose to retreat.
Sadly, all that's left here is the one you use to see in me.
Release me if the truths are to hard to mention.
I'm at the doorstep as your mans reinvention.
If it's the opposite of your words that can't be told.
Please don't invite me into a luv so cold.
Watch me walk away and face the facts that remain.
For you've got me going completely insane.
I can't escape what you can't rid from your life.
I'm only inserting the blade of my own dull knife.
But if it's me that you can't live without even in the thought.
Ease my mind and react to the touch so soft.
It would speak without words that'll carry us on.
Back to the place we talked about as the norm....

Filtered, for you eyes will never see my depths.
Stay in the presence of your own defense.
I do not feel the exploitation the way you do.
You couldn't handle the angle of my untold truths.
So do not attempt to dig for what think you want to know.
We are not the same in this worlds fucked up side show.
I am only the moments past waiting to be hated.
I can not give you what you desperately imitated.
You need not find interest in the wonder of what I am.
Your part time survival skills at will not be felt by these hands.
You'll only hate me in the end as you drift away.
Unable to fight for me the way I would for you to stay.
A believer in words is a fools thought that he matters.
They're only chopped up pieces of endless chatter.
Do not step to the plate unless you have skills.
I am more than a chapter of cheap thrills.
I will not allow you to walk freely through my core.
Thinking I an the one til I am on my knees upon the floor.
The realness here has reason for a purpose you do not poses.
For my worth will not settle for nothing less.
Stay to you own still in need of completions armor.
And I will stand true to the fact that I never meant to hurt her.
For you are not ready to be seen in a gaze you can a stare.
Time is to valuable to waste when it is meant to be shared.
You do not witness me as a factor longing to become unique.
Yet a mistake I will remain in your minds untamed physique.
Do not play with what will haunt you as it is not yours.
I, my friend, am not on tour.

Allow me to poke you with a point direct to your dome.
Then again I shouldn't havta extract what should roam.
From your mind exploring to ease the numb.
At your jugular pressed I ain't the one.
Take it sexual if you must think I'm so shallow.
There is no need in speaking of power.
This is a two way street so which way are you going?
But then there I go again, what am I doing?
If I gotta remind you that I am your friend.
My best guess is we've come to the end.
Damn near buried in a luv losing the language.
Dig deep and witness who it is carrying your baggage.
To strengthen the effect expressed in plain sight.
Mornin noon n night.
Hear me say what has no voice to be heard.
Because not a single letter could make the words.
Do I need to say anything more?
In direct contact reachin for my worth for sure.
It should of been obvious of actions that live.
This piece is to the neglect set off and pist.
At the rope that dangles in the winds take.
From get go times been shaping up a mistake.
Don't be another thought put back with the rest.
Stand in and take part in what's goin on in the chest.
This is it as the moment has appeared to come to be faced.
I'm in this yet I can't see me bein the one misplaced.
Spoil me in the soil that grows the design of luv.
Is it a must that I gotta reinsert me into your mind, flush?
Reinstating my reason in your eyes checkin the facts abused.
For the verbal relapse of what I thought we already were is loose.
The clues in your time is on the other end of proof.
What am I to you?

Be suspect!!!

Why is it that sad is not ok to feel?
Like ones truths jus don't cut the deal.
As we tell ourselves selfish lil catch phrases.
Yet we ain't no better than the next two faces.
How is it we lie to the one that knows us?
Tryin to convince self to rise up in the mirrors lack of trust.
Like shit doesn't matter comin outta the battle.
Attemptin to shake off the mind of what's been rattled.
Knowin damn well the emotion is as real as air.
Not allowin it to run it's course to be more well prepared.
Half steppin with a false state of presence.
Smilin back at this shallow world as if self is irrelevant.
All cuz it's viewed as a weakness for anything to make a difference.
Jus to hide behind the past tense of silent remembrance.
In all honesty self worth does get misplaced from time to time.
N every now n again one feels like losin their own mind.
Strength is not appearin to be better, off in another life.
It's knowin what u had beneath the hype.
Applyin it to self the next go round for keeps sake.
Joinin a reality where shit happens to even those refusin to be naked.
Figuratively speakin that is, as the tongue bounces syllables every time.
Why's there a need for fake expressions as another is to pay the price?
For u can't break inside to crack a leak in over ran wells.
Shame on u for not enduring yet another thing this life can not sell.
But u don't havta live in reality, I give no fucks.
Be suspect!!!
In the side show of selfs lack of respect.
Linger in ur b.s. Like everyone else fakin the funk.
Unable to endure lump after lump.
It's not my feet that'll be screamin cuz they don't appreciate the way I walk.
Real talk...
When the pressure pushes in on the chest.
It's ok to be a mess.
To feel the weight applied collapsing the lungs.
Jus a lil hint, ur not the only one.
Even the struggle gets fed up.
Back trackin n relyin on lusts.
Cuz what appears to be real can only stand next to u for so long.
Truth of the matter is, we're all alone so enjoy everything that will go wrong.
N fuck u if u don't agree.
I won't sell myself short of my truths caught n left to my dreams.

I'm not the one...

My mind doesn't leave realities sighs.
dreams r blackened behind these hazel eyes.
maintained I know the cost of luv.
for it touched me n bounced the fuck off.
u couldn't dig deep enough on the journey hummin nah, nah nah nah nah, nah.
my smile freezes like my frown weezes ha.
never scared to be what ur afraid to admit.
this piece is for my truths as self is the fix.
I'm as real to me as I am to u as if u were my reflection.
rare n the same beneath the surface as I am in my intentions.
I've always been me as the man in the mirror can not lie.
face to face with my image that could never hide.
in a true state of mind absorbin the only thing I'll ever be.
as wells dried once drippin the color of blood freed.
there's no comin back to the world in which u live.
I'm different n in a way u all tickle my rib.
twisted inside I am the rearrangement u fear.
a fragment in time cut loose by evaporated tears.
in my depths I rip into the consistency that forms my frame.
in me n me alone I take the blame as I hear the tone of my own fuckin name.
spoken in my voice to remind me of the betrayal of countin on anyone else.
I'm callin me out daily cuz its me I felt.
slippin under surveillance followin my shadows silhouette.
what else would I be if u were to guess?
I'm not the one mentally tamed by repeated actions unclaimed by my worth.
yet these letters will go unheard as plucked out words.
chosen to shed light on the facts that exist between u n I.
as I find a chuckle in this thing u called life.
pledgin my alliance to the only one that's had my back from get go.
wishin I could put this shit in a funky flow.
so thumbs down to those that deserve two flyin birds.
lost on societies stage tryin to be more than what lurks.
one the other side of the curtains in which u rehearse.
lil do u know ur symptoms r gettin worse.
performin in a play directed to entertain those jus like u.
this is y I went solo n became a ghost to the undergrounds proof.
of the realism untold that can not be taught. I'm the the one that is said to be insane n so fuckin lost!
Bafflin, I'll remain me goin outta the inside of my mind from the outside in.
as I keep my proud yet not so arrogant grin.
From this side of the finger raised to ur occasion.
Here's a look at my angles irritation...

They never want you for long...

Rejection is a mutha fucker when you have everything on the line.
As your depreciation declines once you have nothing else to hide.
Standing in the middle of life as you're the one so easy to forget.
After putting the game down to express the opened heart as legit.
It hurts being pushed to the side simultaneously to their issues.
Having none of your own worth fall into an ear as touch escapes the tissue.
Neglected with an enjoyin taking to the other side of selfs confusion.
Seems the pain settles as the comfort is drifting off into your lonely delusions.
Becoming someone who simply wants to much to ask for that's refused.
The thorn in the spine digging into who it is that's actually being abused.
With the struggle of the honesty in relations confronted in a calm tone.
Feeling like a punch line without a drum line because the want had been shown.
Interest taken for granted reveals the ownership on lease is being mistaken for submission.
Calling out with tightened syllables crammed into conversation muted by prediction.
As the head shakes whispering in silence, i told you so in frustrations suppression.
As words can find a way to admit the truths bestowed upon self that goes unmentioned.
Peeling away memories by the layer to find you suffering in the hands that claimed luv.
As emotions side down the cheek, dripping with a texture better known as slush.
You became to soft and allowed another to gain the power only because you cared.
Yet, giving is not receiving but the deceit that patiently awaited for you to be barred.
In stealth mode ready to attack at the precise point in time when you're sucked dry.
Drained of all the internal unfortunate facts blurted out built up in time.
Forced to stand ground for what should have never had to of been shielded.
As the mind plays tricks on what it thought it was as it has reeled it.
Into a mini serious on repeat fucking with your own stability fighting to remain the same.
But in their eyes your importance is boiled down to being used to you as if a game....

Free...

U can be free here with me.
Simply, from self, flee.
In a different sense.
Yet, not in the flesh.
But in a realization of becomin sane.
In a pure untamed way unbound by restraints.
Jus open up n live.
N allow life to tickle ur rib.
As u can come from within.
If u can let me be more than a binge.
I don't mind.
I wanna be a witness to u in time.
Seeing u for who u are.
Put in me what you've learned from ur scars.
U can stand the way u choose.
N never be afraid to lose.
Findin the comfort to be released.
N still have someone if luv isn't on lease.
Willin to collapse before u.
Expressin untold truths.
Jus wantin a moment to last.
Collectin memories that make a better past.
As ur the u that doesn't havta hide.
Cuz it won't cost u nothin to step over the line.
Turnin yourself inside out.
To be seen n heard not jus from the mouth.
Of what u say u are.
I'd do more than play the part.
Lettin loose of what's dyin to touch ur smile.
With a type of free that is worth the while.
Acceptin u in ur flaws.
N lost in luv's pause.
U can find ur true self.
Here, as ur finally felt.
As is in a way u prolly never imagined.
Unwind into ur own actions.
Feel free to explore ur desires day or night.
At one with ur passions that sigh.
Behind ur eyes sight of what makes u, u.
N I'll never try to change the proof.
Of the realness in the way u breathe.
Cuz for u I have a need.
Take my hand n believe in me.
I only wanna better u outside ur dreams...

At peace with my reflection.

I went down on reality n came up with a new flavor upon my tongue.
 As it's juices dripped from my chin n forced my lips to come undone.
 Flawless n in rare form it was as real as raw could only be imagined.
 I found the scent was like a breathe of fresh air as the aroma smelled of passion.
 Weightless on my knees i rose with a better mind on what turns her on.
 Becoming one with truths accepted as flaws are used as if porn.
 Yet, not in a feminine shape that has a shadow to be seen along the backside of dreams.
 I tasted the true meaning of life as i stood solo without a want nor a need.
 In the middle of life living as me laughing cuz I crossed over.
 As if an after life before death came a knockin n took me as it's luv'r.
 Penitratin my minds depth unplucked nerves to release me into time.
 Different n awake walkin amongst the delusion of what I thought was mine.
 Hmmm, there's a feel of somethin to arouse the crack of sanity.
 Like I said, I ate out the all u can eat buffet in the name of my humanity.
 My step has changed since I wanted into my own darkness.
 More direct to the point on the line from a to be it would appear I'm heartless.
 But only to those who can not visualize the appreciation that fills my lungs.
 Allowed to honesty to sit on my taste buds n call me names.
 Never lying to me once it told me that I was a victim of my own head games.
 Cuz I let society in to fuck me n claim my own worth.
 Yet ain't that what we're taught? To be like the flow that doesn't match words.
 As actions repeat life a clone avoided cuz everyone is the same n can't think for self.
 I'm jus sayin, I dive into the splash n changed myself as I became the help.
I'm at peace with my reflection in the mirror behind me that has me back.
No more daggers from the sleeve where the heart is said to be attached....

One last time...

If i blew my last breath, would u catch it?
To remember the sound of my life.
Reachin for u one last time.
Out into the open as it flies.
In a moment to capture the effect of ur luv.
As it weezes one last time.
Willin to travel the distance of miles.
Would u hear the emotion wantin to cry?
Caught in the last thing I'd ever feel.
Fadin with the loss exposin the truth.
Freed to touch u one last time.
Givin all i can to show u proof.
In a way that doesn't wanna go.
Til the end where i exist no more.
Jus to luv u one last time.
Cuz i promised u the depths of my own core..

Without a notice motionless motives change.
Shuttin down somewhere unrested beneath the veins.
With the blink of an eye strangers come to leave.
Unreal as a heads up woulda lessened a tease.
Of having what comfort simply wants to feel.
Lingered on around the spinning of the wheels.
Running over time wasted out of the blue.
The lead stumbles on the connection of truth.
Words collapse under the pressures grip.
Nothing can be believed released from the lips.
Coming and goin like a whisper in the wind.
Lying to dreams from daybreak well past la la land that pretends.
Under the influence of a trusted tongue.
Rollin about tasting hidden sighs from the lungs.
Exhaled as if rehearsed to dig into the head.
They're all a walking celebrity in their bed.
Everyone wants them so why settle for terms.
Here today gone tomorrow like a germ.
Nothin ever changes from one face to the next.
It'll always be you they want to they get your best.
Hoping from a prior life to the now wondering wtf.
Painfully it's obvious they've never felt the luv.
Just another rotating head from the shake of disbelief.
Shook damn near clean off the repetition of a sad relief.
Numb from their mirrors reflection that lives with the lies.
We can't seem to see the cracks that rests in the eyes.
Camouflaged with the design the protects the madness.
Yet we fall into the depths of the interchangeable colors that play to our weaknesses.
Just on the other side of the gap outta reach of the prints.
Reachin from the fingertips is the absence of their existence.
That's where they reside as you think you thought they thunk it through.
Yet not in the way you chased the thanx in your mind too.
As lifes leash fog horn leg horns them as if the dog they are.
Figuratively speakin from the pain in the heart.
Only going so far until the caretaker has caused to much confusion.
Actions tell on patterns that resemble the illusion.
One in which covering the basics any of us can do.
Into until the day comes where one of the two needs the proof.
Witness to how easy it is to set free what was that mattered.
Flipping script talking about I don't answer to no master.
When in reality they never seemed to exist.
For they've stepped as for a little while they're missed....

Let down by the chosen that couldnt see worth.
Healed by an other easin the hurt.
Findin the friend that was never true.
Comin to surface is hands puttin self to use.
Within life tryin to figure where one belongs.
At the tail end of somethin that went so fuckin wrong.
Lettin go not all knows how to do.
But when it cliques, bein alive has so many truths.
Jus acceptin the past n leavin it where it gave up.
A new day will show u a better way to luv.
The feet must march for the mind will lead the way.
As the heart follows not wantin to stay.
For a time will come to become someone with more understandin.
As emotions in hands so gentle find comfort in landin.

What I don't have u take for granted.
But there's more purpose in the way I'm standing.
The lessons I've learned u will probably never endure.
N my words that I'm lending will hopefully touch ur core.
This world has not a clue on what loyalty is.
Til the hardest of times molds a stronger character within.
I've been to a place where u could probably never withstand.
Yet u wouldn't know cuz I speak with a grin n as a man.
My life has been chosen by me n I alone.
Wore my crown n have been dethroned.
N I'm at the bottom lookin up at everything to gain.
Far from this hell I'm in n a lil further from the pain.
To a place in which is normal as u overlook what u have.
I'm headed upstream sitting on a lily pad.
Without a paddle n sinking to fast.
Yet to give in I'd rather come to pass.
Falling away from this world cruel intentions.
But the fight on me goes unmentioned.
Proven in actions that jus won't quit.
I will rise again n happiness I will grip.
Holding it closer than I have ever before.
It will be mine til forever closes the door.

Crossing the line...

 Jus over the line of relations step.
 Emotion settles in nerves at rest.
 The mind wraps around the endless thought.
 As conversation jus can't seem to stop.
 Crossing over to the other side of comforts core.
 Physical touch clings to the need of what's adored.
 Sexual desires are free to do a bit more than explore.
 Making luv round the corner for what's in store.
 In the difference of releasing the request.
 Tone softens in the delivery of passions that invest.
 Masks fall from the disguise revealing self.
 For the connection alone speaks for itself.
 Behind enemy lines a friend is found.
 Opening doors to release muted sounds.
 Expressions linger in the air that carry truth.
 As secrets serve as proof told n on the loose.
 In dangers way two act out becoming one.
 Dripping in worth's undying use on the run.
 Want is a need to never do without.
 Met mentally in the middle of willingness so proud.
 Standing in no means land not knowing the outcome.
 Patience of enjoyment give meaning of clutches come from.
 Receiving what another has to offer in return.
 The full package applying everything one has learned.
 Beyond the certainty of being someone that matters.
 The silence awaits within the calm of the battle.
 Time tells with actions if the i as me is the same as the u that is met.
 Caressing all the aspects that make partners bring forth their best.
 In a different kinda freedom the temptation is to strong.
 Chasing curiosity through the rights n wrongs.
 Side by side accepting flaws are not a weakness.
 The birth of a lifetime begins laughing at a unique sorta weirdness.
 Over there in a single mindset afraid to try.
 Is everything that relates to what we hide inside.
 Real comes creeping from the depths untold.
 Reading the pages unread as they come to unfold.
 Where the never letting go seems to take place.
 Someone is appreciative of if you'd jus stay.
 Neglect is irrelevant to the dream of always falling into.
 As shadows unite from a dancing flame lit for truce.
 Locked away for no one else to have or ever hold.
 In a heart that can't help but to feel u as whole.
 Sinking beneath the armors texture to live with the presence.
 Sits the one thing so irreplaceable that needs not a line of defense.
 In a dimension where chains never restrict.
 Luv will make u feel as if an addict.
 Self can be who we are that no one sees.
 Simply irresistible to eyes that feel us breathe.
 When being sent back to this worlds confusion never crosses the mind.
 Being down flows like poetry in every line.
 As the welcoming of homes doorstep is for the keep.
 Unwind in time n live with the ease.
 Past the threshold where mystery claims the wonder.
 Safe from the every sad songs strings strummed relentless pressure.
 Tucked in with a body flush n still.
 Life snuggles up to the chance of the thrill.
Feeling the warmth through the the wooden passage.
Everything changes in details that says so much.
Paying attention is an interest felt with relief.
A sight that brings to life a grin that believes.
 From the outside looking in on the possibilities gain.
 Fear is on high alert witness to capabilities untamed.
 Yet leaning in isn't leaving from within.
 We're jus scared for where we've been...

Different versions of the same story dribble from loose lips that wasn't in the presence of the making. Hidden behind the tongue is the additives of flavor that spoil the stomach's turning of the truths swallowed for the taking. Whispers change minds as characters are stood upright for the firing squad to ridicule n destroy with a verbal misconception of the facts. Yet to hear it from the horse's mouth or both parties standing simultaneously ripping free their untold tale would only defeat the rumors so exciting to those who haven't a clue of what's come to pass... Guess people believe what they want!!!

Cold....

The diamonds in her eyes out weighed the gold in her heart.
Lost n dividing what's left she's the one that took part.
Like a star shooting through the night skies burning out.
Looking up is one in the same as face down.
The twinkle in her eyes can only see the payment she cannot hide.
Sprinkling stardust to seal off fantasies in with every emotionless lie.
In her own world where self is the only thing that matters.
As in her mind it's better than luv beating her down n leaving her battered.
Searching the end of rainbows trying her luck.
Never in bed of another craving to touch.
A solo artist playing emotions to her sway.
Pointing fingers n placing so much blame.
She resists the passion that will simply never last.
In out for the taking of some cold hard cash.

As i packed up my imagination n left my dreams for u standing in my reality.
I left something behind that defined who i am that u never got to see as me, being me.
For some strange reason it slipped my mind as i stepped outta my heart n into yours.
Thing is, i forgot how to be me in the real world standing next to you making a home soon to be torn.
In out for the right reasons that never stood a chance cuz lifestyles couldn't line up.
Yet the enjoyment felt in ways even the tongue couldn't twist was exchanged through touch.
Not always in a physical manor it found it's way riding vibes in between the compressed air.
As our bodies was as one whether flush or miles ran through the middle of our luv that wasn't spared.
Seems a stumble wound me back up within as i remembered my prior self.
Stepping away from you proved what i knew all along misplaced in candles i watched melt.
Due to the flame the wax takes a new shape in form that resembles what's never been seen before.
Put to the heat of ending relations to be remolded as it's to be used at a later date dripping a pour.
Yet that feeling of how i ran n dove into u jus to fall straight through as if u were in n out.
A quick job is that of i that opened up as ur actions only half the time met the words u routed from ur mouth.

The skylines teardrop....

We are what we are!
Hanging in the sky like self made stars.
Fearless to dangle in ur eyes.
On the other side of the glasses surprise.
Letting in life one stroke at a time.
We are the ones, out of our minds.
At one with the thrill on display.
In our own world, the so called brave.
From the top of mans designs.
We ride the ropes to let in the light.
Misfits that don't fit in anywhere else.
Leaping away, every edge is felt.
Free we are distant brothers.
As one in many different colors.
Claiming skylines from city to city.
Touching man kinds break of insanity.
With chuckles that giggle, stuck to our ribs.
Swinging about n accepting what life has to give.
The selected few with guts that never heel.
A buildings teardrop knowing life is real.
We are a unit, a family watching one an others back.
Equivalent to a circus act well intact.
With sight of an eagle to survive each day.
As our instincts are sharper then the wild catching it's prey.
A rare breed of individuals that descend from up above.
In love with the feel of the rush.
Our step is different than that of ur own.
It's a ledge into the unknown.
Where we face our fears n dare our death.
It's how we breathe til our last breath.
Like a monkey in a civilized zoo.
Attached to a concrete jungle as we hear the woos.
Topside looking down on our hometowns.
We grind as ur hearts pound.
Shoulder to shoulder, side by side.
We are the rare n unbreakable type.
No height will ever drain our pockets.
No limit in any horizon is beyond our eye sockets.
We'd trade or life for one another.
In a bond like no other.
We are the high rise kings so unique.
Repelling the walls til we stand upon our feet.
Capturing what we do with pictures from our phones.
Wanting nothing more than to make it home...

I get lost in my thoughts, thinking how shit would be if u still stood ur ground. Above that place where ur remains rest without a sound. Yet reality invades the imagination clinging to the drift away. As crying for u in my own self pity like I'm the one that faded n escaped will comfort or bring u back from ur grave. I'm happy jus to be ur son even though the best years we never had a chance to share with memories disappeared before we got to making them. Fuck shit damn. The empty loss nearly 16 years ago sux in ways you'll never know as time without u we spend. Falling further from one an other as if ur blood wasn't enough to bond us til the end. Fam ain't foes by far, but something definitely broke in the bend. We're more n more like strangers the more weightless days climb on to our backs. Carried as if air in the breeze cutting through the winds meaningless facts. One day we won't know who each other as relations are lost back when eye to eye was never heard cuz silence couldn't speak. N we're to strong to give into anyone to even attempt to repair what no one in this world could ever replace that seems to have misplaced it's need. Brothers til death comes to claim us individually losing moments passing away. Hell, i can't even water the drought myself so i can't blame no one for doing the same. All i know is life is a lonely situation running outta the possibility of fighting this world together. N in all realness, it jus may be a lil to late as the disappointment is our endless forever...... If u could cry for me I'd cry with u cuz i believe i ran out of anything that makes me give a flying fudge stick. Yet the second part of that is a lie that jus gave up for what makes us, us, is gripped in useless fists. I can't wish u here n i surely ain't praying anytime soon. Only if u knew how i know all of us miss u n would luv to sit alone with u on a room....... Luv u mama.....

Play...

How do you like me now?
Flipping script, changing sounds.
Switching up who you were.
To who you are you play behind your words.
Approaching the danger zone.
Where your alias is your clone.
Different from who you come off to be.
Times hidden truth is set free.
Faking the funk ever so fake.
But as usual never a moment to late.
Two faces rip you from end to end.
Exposing the secret in the way you pretend.
Fitting in, in a false state of mind.
But i dug and didn't like my find.
You seem to be with it til doors close.
Guard down, ooh no!
The transformation is a disappointment.
One if I knew woulda been avoided.
Shady in the presence enabling eyes.
What they don't know can not hide.
Guiding them further more into the lies.
Your as shallow as the come.
Dragging out the end til its no longer fun.
Coming undone when an other figures you out.
As conversation is brutal from your mouth.
Unable to hold a tongue with a reasonable tone.
Crossing over in plain sight, dethroned.
Falling from a crown not big enough for your head.
Give it back and go find yourself instead.
Something you jus have no clue how to do.
So if u need a pointer, here's a finger to use.
Your a gamer that doesn't know how to play.
Helpful hint, your on the wrong side of fame.
But I bet it feels good to be you huh?
Piling up excuses that refuses that your jus duh.
Happy hunting's for you ain't catching shit.
As these are the final words that will ever drip.
And land into what you truly are.
It's a shame, how you play your part.
Act one, scene to many to count.
From luv to drama gloves come off in the middle of the bout.
Entertaining only in the dark.
I dare you to try and deny that remark.
It's time to come forth for once in your life.
And choose one of those within to be, all bullshit aside.
Your a lose that could never be missed.
Resist me please, I insist.
Or would you rather I push you from the edge.
In which you live that you even dread.
Be real. Be you. Be what you don't allow anyone to see.
Come up a level and move to a different beat.
That vibes from the depth in your chest.
As shallow as an empty pit full of others bests.
You drain the good and suck so good.
Sexual or not, test me, you wish you could.
I ain't the one cuz I know the inner feel.
The frustration of what's under the peel.
Yeah its coming out as your going down.
For that's the only enjoyment in you I've ever found.
So play and clown with your immaturity showing it's ass.
You've been put on display finally and for once, at last.
I play your tune back atcha turning up the heat.
In your hell, never again will we meet.
Your a sad song setting fire to the lyrics.
Burning a blaze when no one wants to hear it.

Question?

Have u ever turned around n seen a heart break?
Watchin what they held so tight escape.
Or made it seem like shit jus doesn't matter.
As the tear within is at fault with silent chatter.
Did u ever walk away dead in the middle of luv.
Jus all of the sudden show the truth to evade the touch.
Have u ever broke down in the midst of becoming human?
Twiddlin the questions til insanity feels as if u were to blame.
Maybe got good at the game n fell to ur own b.s.
As u felt what it was you've done to so many wantin to feel u in their grip.
Have u luv'd n released the one thing u never wanted to see leave?
Findin the lies in every word expressed was a selfish need.
Gained n lost a friend that was never what they seemed.
Did u ever have a moment where u could care less bout luv?
Told yourself they're all the same n jus wanted to fuck.
Possibly felt u needed rehab for the healin.
Or simply unlovable knowin it wasn't ur fault but in whom u were dealin?
Have u fucked up n became the problem at hand?
Found yourself in a situation u caused that they couldn't stand.
Did they visualize u as something misunderstood?
When in fact everything u did or are doin is for the better good.
Who's to say we all haven't at least once felt like a disappointment?
When in actuality we bent n bend backwards as if double jointed.
I bet u to were careless cuz u knew shit wouldn't last.
Welcome to the real world where shit happens n it winds up in the past.
Where u are the question that remains in ur head?
Unable to see what they've all individually said.
We're all the same hiding fears that effect us somewhat the same.
Depending on what side of honesty one actually finds the gain.

I had to come undone...

Remembering how it used to be.
Luv was a stranger caught in a dream.
A blurred out silhouette standin alone.
As eyes closed every night as I went home.
Jus to leave in the mornings unchosen wake.
Back to the real world in a wondrous escape.
Tryin to pluck the imagination free from captivity.
From the shadows of the minds endless creativity.
Afraid she'd think I'd find an other.
Not knowin i wanted her n nothin more than her as my luv'r.
My thoughts shaped her sexy curves.
As i believed in her every word.
She was always there waitin when I returned.
Unchanged, the way I remembered only her.
Waitin for me to shut down my endless day.
So she could enjoy me for as long as I could stay.
Runnin through the nights inside my mind.
The luv we shared was right on time.
N as her face formed it's cherished features.
She came to me as the most beautiful creature.
Standin apart in a sea of women.
As I was the one she chose of all other men.
To take her side as she sighed with every kiss.
I remember how it felt to taste her lips.
Yet time skipped a beat n we fell off track.
From where she came she ran straight back.
Findin her way to me here in my reality.
She jumped back in to my fucked up insanity.
Afraid to luv n scared to feel.
She was the saddest thing that was so fuckin real.
N as the darkness within my head swallowed her whole.
I retreated myself as a disappointment growing old.
Deep in my daydreams I've forgotten the way she looks.
N the good times she gave me are long gone n shook.
Free from a dream come true I realized she was the one.
That pushed the limits as I had to come undone.
Findin me in a situation so I'd never get lost.
Comin full circle for a moment to pause.
A pitch black memory jus can't seem to remember.
Unseen n deleted from the shores of my mind she's lost forever.
As I know now the meaning of lifes roadside show.
N now I to, can finally go home.

Later in life...

 Meanwhile, later in life.
 I look back n realize.
 I awakened the dead one inside of me.
 As truths faced were dared to think.
 Yeah. I touched the depths crawling from within.
 Towards the surface I dug out of my pathetic grin.
 Fell from my eye like an emotion outta control.
 Jus to come full circle as the tongue unrolls.
 Alone in a room I was played by my own flawless game.
 Left in solitude my box was not padded as I remained.
 Unrestrained yet chained I cracked in silence.
 Filtering through worth n regained purpose without the violence.
 Real n intact, I came forth not giving a shit of what anyone thinks.
 Slipping once, as self was spent n spread thin as I blinked.
 Back into reality I reemerged a bit more of what appeared to be insane.
 My scared heart was a pin cushion with a band aid.
 Wrapped in barbed wire as I forgot my own name.
 Truth is, I enjoyed the snap that makes me misunderstood n strange.
 I admit n accept the terms that I was embarrassed by luv.
 Yet loosened grips of the hands eventually eased up.
 Allowing shit be what it really is.
 My mind attached itself to the words upon my lips.
 So I can hear my thoughts strength released.
 In between every breath I was dying to breathe.
 I'm no longer fazed by the one thing that's plagued my faults.
 Free, I know why the imagination dreams in sleeps pause.
 Some things belong behind the curtains of the mind.
 Never to take the stage for applause to fade in a sigh.
 The show will end a few moments later in life.
 As what's left for a while, is what even I couldn't hide.
 The reason pointed at my choices I alone made.
 N somehow I drifted into a fucked up image, mentally framed.
 Lost, I settled in n found me as my home.
 N there's no walls or locks to where I roam.
 As I come from a place I nor u can even pretend to see.
 Seems all along I've been following my own careless lead.
 My comfort will never lay in a bed safe n sound.
 As who I am to an other has never been found.
 It's a gamble I took that changed my train of thought.
 Peeking through holes in others that leak the cost.
 To stand so close to what absorbs like a sponge.
 jus to be rung as if tears were to pour when done.
 I'm good n different here later in life.
 Waiting on no one to turn into the lie.
 For I know it's only a matter of time before the escape.
 I've met myself under the radar n now I can relate.
 Me n I as we are one united adding n subtracting.
 Anything that catches interest or becomes a distraction.
 For I've come to understand luv should be a mirror.
 Luv'n an other as if self is witness to someone they do not fear.
 As the temptation is only a mask to lure one into their world.
 It's that face in the morning that's raw n untouched by lifes swirl.
 Spiraling as if flushing away the outer beauty.
 Yet, one still hasta simply hold on loosely.
 Untamable I wonder if I'm the only one.
 Tasting words that could be lyrics sitting on the tongue.
 Patient n unspoken til the day that may never come.
 I'm at peace here later in life as the ink is slung.
 Opened up as a purebred resembling who u hide behind ur bars.
 Content knowing even a deck of cards only has so many hearts.
 Trumping the family blood that should be thicker than a friends.
 The concept of relations is a sad dead end.
 Take me as a rare breed that never leaves the facts of reality.
 As I see through the bullshit of so called individuality.
 For I've pushed myself to the limits falling in luv with the pain.
 Listened to every sad song imaginable so I never become a victim again.
 I forcefully felt myself drained by wanting it's feel.
 N now u get what u get til I know ur shit is the real deal.
 Untouchable by anyone to shallow to simply be.
 Later in life, this is me.