Mandy And Butchie

This story all began back in the early 80’s with two kids who’s mothers were friends. One girl named “Mandy” and the boy “Butchie”. As the clock started to tick, the hands of time allowed two children to form an unspoken crush. Neither knew of the others secret as both would have liked to speak their mind. But they were scared to do so. This act went on for a few years as eyes gazed and stares went unnoticed. When Mandy would get in trouble, Butchie found a way to be there sitting in trouble most of the time. Seemed the two of them were on their way to something special. Then as quick as they could blink, time changed course. Mandy was gone without warning. Leaving the young man wondering different things.

Through many distant years the two of them often wondered what happened to one another. Who are they now? Where are they? And as kids and marriage was put into the mix of life’s little game. They found themselves with someone that was not meant for them. Yet, time kept spinning with the world as the two grew and learned of themselves. All at the same time they hid inside a dream of having someone the same as themselves. One who understood them and in which they came. Accepting them as they truly were internally was a necessity. But who could it be, if anyone at all?

It was early 2010 when Butchie was off doing his thing. A proud dad finally trying to do things the right way for once as lessons seemed to be learned. Thinking one day he thought of Mandy like he did on and off through the years. As she to often thought of him. Butchie went looking for her through friends and family on face book. Hoping she did indeed have one. Finding it was not as hard as years before, Butchie came across her. A friend request was sent as he sat in a moment of silence staring. He waited for a few days before Mandy accepted. Then a few more for her to respond, but she never did. Mandy did not know who he was for he was all grown up and looked so much different. She paid the friendship no mind. But who was to blame her, Mandy seemed to have a marriage and children. Life appeared to be good to her. All the time she wanted out of what she never truly wanted to begin with. Feeling lost they both remained on an endless road, with the unfulfilled feelings of will it ever end? Is this the way their lives were meant to be? Unhappy and knowing there was something else.

Giving up Butchie turned towards another a short time later. Unwillingly leaving the past where it laid he still paid her attention quietly. Yet Mandy started to get curious of who he was, and why they shared a friend on face book. Following Butchie and forming a kind of attraction she could not explain. Mandy here and there read his posts and looked at his pictures. Wondering how there was something about him that got to her as she in her own was trying to move on with her life, saving money. Nothing was ever said.

As August rolled around Butchie sat at his mother’s grave pleading in prayer to give him direction. He felt something going wrong fast and was tired of playing games. For the first time ever he had loved another and he prayed as his relations was failing. In the mean time, Mandy still struggled on how she new Butchie. Peeking in on his life and feeling bad for what he was going through for months, as he lived through good times and bad. Without even knowing why she was drawn to him. Months flew as days felt as if something and someone was truly missing in their lives.

November 28, 2010 was on a Sunday. Butchie noticed something was wrong with Mandy as she seemed upset. This was the first sign he saw that there was a problem taking place in her life. For he periodically scoped out her face book page wondering and watching secretively. Mandy showing of something other than happiness bothered him as Butchie left her a question mark as if asking what was wrong. Nothing came of it until later that night when she was curious herself of his own situation he faced. Knowing Butchie was going through a breakup, Mandy asked if he and his girlfriend ever made up. He replied, no. This was the start of something long over due.

Butchie was almost speechless as if he was a little boy sitting next to her in trouble all over again. It looked as if his prayer had been answered. Could it be? Man it would be nice Butchie thought. The two of them eventually got around to rattling on about him moving back to the north side of Columbus Ohio where they were from. Yet, Mandy still did not know why she was attracted to him or even why she asked him anything. All she knew of him was he was a cute good looking guy who had just been crushed. Mandy did not know who he was. Now only knowing they were from the same neighborhood. Butchie quickly picked up on this and began to throw out hints of who he was by saying things. Dropping hints like, I know your mother and brother, to what block he lived on. Confusing Mandy, he was trying to help her realize who she was actually talking to. It was not until he mentioned who his own mother was that it clicked in her head that it was Butchie. This could have been avoided if she would have just looked a little closer to his family list on his profile. Yet, at this moment Mandy threw her laptop into the air in excitement. “OMG I know him!” Smiling ear to ear, uncontrollably as there was a ten to fifteen second pause. Now having the chance to know unanswered questions Butchie himself had nearly given up on just a few months earlier.

Butchie stopped biting his tongue for once and told Mandy he had a serious crush on her when they were children. Mandy replied, “So did I”, blowing his mind as well as hers. This was something the two somehow unconsciously waited for, not knowing the other felt the same way. Slowly they caught up and found themselves as one in the same with each other. They were almost the same person as they walked two different lives that were so much alike.

Unspoken they wanted to know why each other lived within them. Craving for years going on to long apart, they were face to face with a couple of dates and meeting up. Slowly they were falling in love one conversation at a time. Finding their one, they eventually moved in together as the nights became too long to spend without one another any longer. Happiness and fulfillment completly filled their hearts. Minds finding who each other had become and where they have been gave so much closure after all. They liked who they had become. Feeling the comfort in who they now held. They were thankful they prayed for change. It seemed like an eternity as they were apart. But everything was perfect and not long there after a ring slid down the finger of love as Mandy smiled in acceptance. Bringing great joy too Butchie. Love was finally found! This was it and they both knew it. Something Mandy and Butchie felt they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. For they believed they found the one they were meant for as the feeling was very much mutual.

May 26, 2012. A day true love is joined as they wed in the eyes and hearts of the beholders

filled with compassion

quietly i speak whispers soft enough the tongue can taste but can not feel the movement sneaking by.
as if a hush has escaped the lips without touching the air caressing its presence into this world at its birth.
flowing smooth through the mouth as it slides free into invisible letters forming with minimal sound filled with compassion.
i sit and try to catch the emotion released with ease in a direction in which it pleases every letter expressed out loud.
opened to a love exhaled from the lungs as i sigh a weezing breath trying to catch what is left collapsing within.
with drifting thoughts shown in actions only the eye can believe the sway of their soundless intentions moving in perfect rhythm.
i felt you as you entered my heart and become one with my mind as i tease myself on how to express what is going on inside.
unable to bring it to true form of what it is you mean to me in ways your smell drives me madly insane.

FOUND ME WITHIN MY CORE, ALIVE AND LIVING. SMILING.

been deep. found me. new points of view. once had not a clue. old reasons no longer me. becoming a dream. bottled thoughts. coming up lost. freed self.regained my health. found true love. sent from above. bodies only but a port. FOUND ME WITHIN MY CORE. hand in hand. standing in mind a man. surrounded by love. pain is gone. ALIVE AND LIVING. opened i'm giving. been there. now back here. i fit the scene. this is me. good where i sleep. night slowly creeps. looking forward to waking. i'm SMILING.

another way of thinking

im not dying to become number one. in my lifetime i just want feel the sun. upon my flesh as it sits in a pausing crawl. long enough before the body falls. somewhere within me i want to open up and fully find. a better place to sooth the mind. with a reason why we all exist. instead of death leaving us alone and bitterly pissed. to live is all i ask. yet i've learned there is so much more to life than that. as an atheist i stand looking for a new way of thinking. i've been inside myself and i can not find the answers i am seeking. yet the bible is man made. leaving me in a confused sense of daze. i trust this not. somehow this has got to stop. how does man know what a god intends? to have this answered, i'd be willing to bend. lost inside where i found comfort in words before. the human language no longer help this mans core. so i am open to another way. i just do not think i'll find it today. i am simply a man willing to believe. it is just not as easy for me to retrieve. for my head can not wrap around its reasoning. religion has not been my flavor nor seasoning. and as i walk with purpose as a human doing all i can. to make it another day before my legs no longer allow me to stand. i feel something else in my future. yet it feel as if it is just so far away until i can rid myself of my very own monster.

Hearts Part

As you set simmering in a steaming heat in my mind,

I am captivated by your endless sighs.

Easy and still to a pure beat vibed from the heart,

All in all that is not the best part.

I am learnin to truly appreciate what love really is,

This is the love for the longest I wished.

It is you and only you that will get my best,

Put my love and free will to the test.

It is your unexplainable love that lingers,

Gripping like a tightened hug clinging with gentle fingers.

I feel you deeper than a relaxing massage,

Way down you have been invited to lodge.

Sinkin all settled and snuggled warm in my chest,

I have come to realize your so much more than the rest.

In you will invest my heart,

Givin u my end of time til death do us part.

on my way

i looked and waited, yet played in the meantime.
walked alone and with another working, i never visualized.
stood still long enough to keep things moving.
i fell once to show i knew how to love and it was soothing.
selfish intentions grew within knowing it would end.
always searching for that one i never thought imagined.
true to only self, i lied to ease my own pain.
telling fibs of a love i did not share, for it was my life to be tamed.
playing a self centered game of it's all about me.
trying to find my groove to lay low and live a love so free.
i am human and been on both sides of love as it time and time again came back to never.
i damn near got broke once, yet i surfaced stronger than ever.
more clearer than i was the day before i learned.
been three strikes and out and never to return.
i was a man consumed by a woman's sexual touch.
asshole was my middle name numerous times over and such.
cheating my way along as i gave them all my manly given talents of lust.
waking up i found myself wanting more than i was giving, somewhere along the lines of trust.
i left a bad place in time and re-amerged a man sometime later.
tried out a few lovers that went bye bye as memories fade with her.
one in which i could feel and another i gave my heart.
yet coming out of the storm as the rain cut loose and given a fresh start.
i was sent someone i've dreamed of to the present day.
i am mearly a man and that is more than i was yesterday.
growing, i reinvent me as i learned from my past.
now true to someone other than self at last.
i can sleep knowing i found my groove on the other side of lust.
it wasn't long ago i gave a real attempt at love.
and i to fell short even though it should have never been more than a....
i felt one other the way i do now but this one i have is so much better than a...
to compare them she would win by far.
my all time favorite one of all that i've come across earning scars.
so i guess i've only loved one til now.
making it two with a possible that never got off the ground.
and as i sit and confront feelings that i've experienced in my time.
i realize i'v found the perfect woman for me that fills me inside.
seems i had to do a few things before i was allowed to have her as my wife.
showing the man within has helped complete happiness in my life.
finding him has shown i am the man i want to become without a doubt.
and it is noticed everyday i awaken to a beauty in and out.
i am in a groove in love, with my one.
far from the man i claimed i was.

The woman within

Ur the best I’ve ever known.

I love in which you have grown.

A woman so alive inside.

And from me you refuse to hide.

I love the way u play as u walk.

With those eyes as you pause.

Giving interest in my direction.

You are simple perfection.

The way u love me is remarkable.

I feel u deep enough I find u irreplaceable.

It’s the woman within your soul I crave.

The one that opened up and gave.

A love worth more than life itself.

My heart moves on from a mode of stealth.

Just a touch keeps me on my feet.

A kiss seems to drop me to my knees.

Loving u has become a thrill living within.

Coming out speaking I love you as I grin.

You have become the only one that has ever fulfilled me.

It’s all in the way u love thee.

Who you are, is what I wan tin my life.

To a T u fit the silhouette in my mind.

I am so in love with everything about u.

This love I feel is the only thing iv ever felt so true.

You and I in the middle of the night.

Is something I never thought would come to life.

Holding you is a breath taking experience to say the least.

Just to be near u pleases and soothes the beast.

All I want in this life is for you to smile.

Just so everything I do for this is worth the while.

You see, you are the one I want to please.

Live my life out with as this reads.

ALWAYS IN LOVE ONLY WITH YOU!

I am so in love with you!

This thing is forever.

Something I’ve said as never.

No one has ever pulled me from one reality to another.

I am so happy to have you as more than a lover.

Speaking in this way brings me to one possibility.

I am in love with u and I can see your invisibility.

Noticing the woman you are and want to become as a beautiful individual.

My love, u are truly irreplaceable.

As one day I will bow on one knee.

And beg only you, pretty please.

on the other side of.............................

on the other side.
lets get lost and hide.
where the sun never shows face.
lets make our own pace.
as the day breaks.
lets run faster into the nights escape.
far away from the light.
where eyes struggle to focus on sight.
as sound takes control and touch concurs.
where taste is more sweeter under the covers.
lets play in the dark.
find what it means to do our part.
where to warmth is only met by contact.
as we try to keep our feelings intact.
lets lay in the still of the moment.
and find a love more than potent.
drift to the opposite of the never end of here.
as we listen to the sounds only we can hear.
open up in the grasp of a lover.
lets, as one of us hovers.
somewhere where the visual effect is at a loss.
where orgasms seem to want to pause.
within the heated passion as we thrive.
and all other senses come alive.
falling close enough into the morning.
as we step backwards into what we were enjoying.
lets find our way so deep in love.
on the other side of.............................

blah........................... not feelin a damn thing.
disgruntle... need some time to swing.
grrrrr................. i feel like snappin.

still

giggles and laughter heard from the other room out of the eyes sight.
sounds of enjoyment filling the air in between all i ever wanted.
happiness fills the room as i feel i'm finally doing something right.
chuckles breaking ribs as i can hear the bonding performing what's been added.
listening i am frozen still and i become one with the moment that is taking place.
friendships and family forming within these walls as one.
a home has been found for all to do their part as i give chase.
pictures rocking from the romping, set straight when done.
we have found our place as we slowly start to settle for the night itself to rest.
i love yous speak of times coming together building more than life can break.
then silent breaths sleep in comfort side by side at their best.
the house has get quiet as dreamland opens its restless gate.
as i sit still and hold my love deep into the night with my soon to be wife.
i catch a tear ass it tries to hide for whom i am holding so tight.
talking i realize this is what i've looked and longed for all my life.
kissing and snuggling we lay still long enough before we say good night.

changing often

changes. often as five to ten years. everyone's somehow different. never fails. to change together is a task. sticking like glue. becoming more than life allows. it can be done. if those around you are able to see this angle. it's not as easy as listening to the wind. nor watching life pass you by. changes. all of us are subject. put through the tests time pushes upon us. who we are is not who we'll become. two different people. and many in between. everyone likes to say they'll never or have never changed. this is a lie. an unrealized false statement that needs corrected. you see, all of us grow and learn. constantly reinventing ourselves. falling into ourselves. finding our way. showing our own face. who are we really? if we just are not ourselves as yesterdays standards? but more than who we started out as. raw and untrained. fresh out the gate. knowing nothing. all in the same. from point a to point b. finding point c through z. z being forever asleep. getting it in. changing every so often due to situations at hand. possibly because of another. for better or worse. we all fight for our own true friend within us. unable to forget the one in which we were. yet a little smarter than what we use to be. more real. wiser. giving the shit right back in which it was dealt. from knowing the boundaries we are willing to tempt to the other lines left drawn in the dirt. blowing away as they fade with the past. gaining ground as it falls away from behind. mind set changed forever. we are forced by change to live. living to be the one within our skin. under them armor. between the dreams and reality. knowing self the best. we all change as we're changing often. more rapidly than most. slower than others in some circumstances. yet, all in all. change is needed. like a baby before it is complete and it's face has become grown. if left alone. no one will recognize the change. shaping without trying into something else. in and out. changing often.

"useless tear drop"

released wet and loose.
escaping emotion.
bulging out.
bubble like mirrors.
leaking.
showing all.
slipping away.
rolling in a stream.
picking up speed.
halting.
for a moment to spare.
cliff dangling.
taking in the scene.
building it rises.
clinging to gravity.
dripping as it's free.
pulled from face.
falling forming a point.
devilish horn.
bottom rounded for the cushion.
faster as it descends.
closer than it wants.
fate bound.
wind controlled.
blowing in the breeze.
delivering a final blow.
splattered and spread thin.
moist puddles at their end.
standing still.
evaporating.
leaving not a single trace.
all for nothing.
nothing for all that's felt.
useless tear drop.
weakness giving in.
none sense found.
cry for what?
yet not so tough?

it's in the way

it's in the way words are mumble and quietly unspoken.
unheard of sounds bouncing a symphonic rhythm.
how the vibes ricochets off ever end of the nerve.
beating on the best beat in ones endless musical system.

it's in the way two hearts connect as they collide.
in a rare perfect harmonic passion filled balance.
uncontrolled and untamed by the unwritten laws of fate.
all under the minds sneaky peripheral surveillance.

it's in the way of finding out who self has become.
rewriting the book on an untold story on the both ends of tears.
sitting still long enough to find ones only direction.
looking inward to watch glory slowly come into focus and appear.

it's in the way of a so long over due stare.
searching through the eyes to find what one seeks.
how the shape of the opening tells as it is presented.
showing an interest sweeping one off their feet.

it's in the way verbal communication in not so shy but silent.
letting lips take control as two feel the surging power.
tasting the heavy pants of one in which has stolen them away.
slipping together into a long steaming hot shower.

it's in the way touch can be felt without feeling nothing but a breeze.
being teased without a finger being landed as one is being pleasured.
caressing a lover so they fall onto their time line of feeling loved.
tickled and drove crazy from a single rub as light as a feather.

it's in the way a hover is as close enough to play.
the way one gasps as they have never been taken for their air.
no longer pretending what one has possible found.
for they have the moment held in between them as it is being shared.

it's in the way of time pausing as if it were standing still.
opening up for another to bring out all the matters to the real you.
grabbing a hold of all the good within to make the best of the day.
and expressing what is ever so deeply true.

the way it curves

i dont know if its the shape or the way it curves.
i never thought id step to you let lone have the nerve.
theres something in the way your smile lights up my day.
i dont know if its the way it speaks in perfect rhythm allen ray.
theres somehting about it that drives me out of myself.
watching it round up fills me with a loving wealth.
i dont know if its the sound escaping from your greatness.
all i know is i am in love with your unselfishness.
willing to allow your smile to show how you feel for me.
and it means more than this world could ever to me.
i dont know how its possible it has the power it does.
it stares me down, telling me this is what is and always was.
as your face seems to explode with happiness in my direction.
i find my smile as well releasing my inner most emotions.
i dont know, i cant figure it out.
to be honest i dont ever want to, as long as you hang around...

ssh, listen

listen, ssh ssh. quiet. listen to its sound. listed to the tone being used.
do you hear it? listen to the volume. is it something you are willing to be use to?

how does it sound from the distance you keep? from where you sit, ssh. listen. what do you think about the words expressed? do you feel confident. are your insides being given.

pay attention just long enough. absorb what is being twisted. you can hear everything and the way it was meant to be said. only if you listen. ssh. hush your jibs. feel the pitter patter pulsating as you lay in bed.

hold it in. find meaning within what's being spoken. is it the conversation you seek after a long day? completing your everything. listen to the body language moving across your way.

clinging without words slipping from the tongue. lay in a moment of trust and listen to a heartbeat. ssh, don't say anything just yet. take it in as if you were meant to be swept off your feet.

tell yourself why you do as you do day to day. is there a smile hurting your face? or is reality settling in a place giving in? listen to the facts of life and hear what it has to say.

do you hear it whistling on by? what is it telling you, you should do? breathing upon your neck. tickling your ear as it speaks the truth.

listen to the wind of change and decide. enter your mind. come out you once again. behind all the lies avoiding the situation at hand. ssh, listen to someone calling them self your biggest fan.

do you believe them. in the vibrating tone being used? standing side by side. friends forever. becoming that one like no other. paying attention to every letter of together.

closer to anyone that's walked next to you. zip it. listen to the way they trample their feet. is it with ease or heavy vibes tearing down your walls? if soft enough. can hear their smile take shape outside your dreams.

if it is real. wait a minute. listen without sound. you will know without a doubt in your mind. you will have all you need to feel. rushing through silent thoughts hidden behind your sighs.

you'll know by listening to time. in time. ssh, quiet. please. don't speak. listen to the range of motion willing to be shared. open up. see if two hearts can meet.

it's over

let it go, if it is what it is, release the over flow.
get back at it, back to the basics, they don't have it.
the love is gone, set them free, how will you respond?
if it were you, the one wanting out, so you can do as you do.
break away, cut ties, go and enjoy your day.
live a little, become one with another, play and fiddle.
it didn't work, so be it, don't let it hurt.
learn from its tweak, tune up your game, don't be so weak.
is was fun while it lasted, keep it moving, this end is not a casket.
new beginnings are often necessary, it's okay, lose the chip you carry.
get over it, find yours, you don't need this shit.
you say you want them, but you don't, go find your gem.
lesson learned, don't look back, the page has been turned.
be mature, keep it real, it's human nature.
everyone wants someone, treating them good, that special one.
some times your along for the ride, or give it, depends on your side.
just keep your head, maintain, did you hear what i said?
be you, the real you, do you!
it's over, kill the self pity, blank stares and false cover.
make do, find your smile, stand on your own two.

on my way

squeezing out whats left of the hate in my heart.
i've found me a new old fresh start.
taking new direction in a way i've leaned for years.
gobbling up all the unwanted and over tasted tears.
on my way to a better place in time where i belong.
it's my turn to live after believing for so long.
i accept my fate in the moments of endurance.
getting it in for i've over come ignorance.
pumping out all the negativity that has weighed me down.
taking in clean air as i as myself am very proud.

infected

planted as dreams..........stuck within the memories.
bouncing off all the thoughts..........feeling trapped and caught.
unable to fit in..........reality fighting from within.
imaginary images protected..........brain has been infected.
how to release it all..........feed it to the mouth without flaw.
buried and covered..........yet over the mind it hovers.
hole filled in the head..........seems it finally found a bed.
resting in a secure nest..........with little interest.
wanting to forget..........let it go for i can not hide it.
leaning mind bent and side ways..........shaking it clings so brave.
ear hole bound..........fall out!
screaming internally.........as i lose sight of reality.
get out of my dome..........where it can not help but roam.
sitting still as can be..........waiting on me.

a muted tone

line after line, focusing the mind.
inside molding, bulging and contending.
muscular knowledge exposed, irritating foes.
confronting the world, pretty little girl.
with purpose, because no one can hurt this.
thinking thoughts, within me i'm caught.
dreaming of ways, to end the perfect day.
rhyming without rhythm, more i'll give them.
i run deep down, drag it out without sound.
kicking as it screams, fulfilling dreams.
i can not be broken, yet some are hoping.
free to speak the mind, buried in my time.
beneath the bone, lays a muted tone.
tuning out this rock, yet it has a sweet spot.
tickled just right, you might get a fight.
verbal bashing, words lashing.
yelled aloud, vulgar and foul.
a peaceful as i may seem, don't lean.

self is not responding anymore....

hello self, how u been? it's been a while since we've last talked. how r things. life treatin u good? i'm jus akin cuz you've been ignorin me. so it seems. does life have u so busy u can't remember my name. it's me. in the flesh. the one u can count on no matter what. it's been so long man. tell me what's new. did u find urs? what ? can't talk? u ain't gettin to big for ur britches r u? come on man. let me hear where uv been. we were so close at one point. what happened? cuz i can't remember y we stopped talkin. for the life of me i jus don't know. so how's life bro? let me in. oh i see. silent treatment. guess ur to good. made it past the self indulgence. well u need to check urself. but wait! that means u need me for that. nah. i'm good. roam inside ur self by urself. i don't need this. im outta here. done. enjoy the outside world where true friends r hard to find. have a nice life.

rubbin the walls

puddles, drippin, wet n moist, formin a lake upon the bed.
splash, as the tongue dives in, leg crimplin, straight to the head.
water like substance, liquifyin the mouth, delicious, stayin strong.
puttin in the work, slurpin it up, cream filled pie, can't go wrong.
takin my time, rubbin the walls, excitment lingers down the chin.
drops of flavor, escapin, gravity pullin, pleasin, wit an evilish grin.
pourin out, pleasure is takin place, down the throat, swallowin my take.
givin my all, jaws of steal, strokin i slide, munchin on her cake.

i never knew

your the love i have always wanted, as i sat and stared into nothing.

trying to find out what it is i want in a woman,
found it in you and that means something.

wondering about the character in which i loved, i never knew it would have ever been you.

as i searched through the years inside each one,
it all lead me back to the only one for me, within
you.

i picked apart pieces at a time with no regard,
i was waiting on that one to come and give me my start.

seen many faces call me their very own one, yet believed not a one for i knew in my heart.

she'd come and i would know without a doubt, she would fulfill my days and empty my nights.

i just never knew it was you i craved this way,
i never knew it was you i waited on til now on this days light.

it was you all along i compared so many to, torn apart because they just was not you.

it is funny how time plays its unchangeable game,
forcing the learning for one to love in a way so true.

tickling love

I tickled love this morning & it laughed your name in happiness!
Watched how it smiled as i feel so head over heels in heavenly bliss.
I could not help myself from falling so far into you as you laid there in comfort.
As if i were hypnotized by the way your eyes captivated my core.
It is truly amazing how you turned out to be so perfect in every way.
For the man in me which i never thought was possible to be tamed.
You have taken control and make me feel so loved in ways i can not explain.
So as I tickle love and watch me dream come true listening to the morning rain.
I hold you within my heart tucked so tight with every breath I take.
For it is because of you this man in me has found its way and has been delivered fate.

sent my way

luv has made 4 u n sent u my way,
jus so i can feel it's warm embrace.
i've waited for this day to be face to face,
escapin to a place where love itself awaits.
fillin the hearts lonely deserted wasted space,
...i feel fazed n dazed knowin ur what i've craved.
i preyed for direction n u were sent my way,
hopin forever is the way this will stay.

whom

in whom do you turn when grounds are shaky?
when all has gone to hell and back above all.
with those disrupted feelings of frustration.
whom is it that touches your internal?
as you sit daydreaming and side tracked.
out of your very own misplaced norm.
whom puts the pieces back together?
after a little time has been put on and worn.
when night creeps in behind the day.
and all has failed in so many ways.
whom holds you as you feel ever so safe?
making everything more than a.o.k.
whispering softly in a friendly jester.
comforting all that has gone wrong.
bringing you back to life like no other.
whom in which writes the notes to your song?
take a peek in to the eyes in which care.
look long and hard as if nothing can go astray.
is it who you think or thought they are?
clinging to your long fought out day.

side

inside outside upside down,
you flipped the script and turned me around.

my side your side our side wow,
you speak to me without ever making a sound.

this side that side what side now,
giving more than a face painted clown.

his side her side side by side how,
showing some love that would make cupid proud.

fallin

fallin away like letters losing their meaning.

i'm winning yet it doesn't seem i'm holding my end of this thing.

every turn it's all been the same.

one foot forward and three feet back, as i spin inside my cage.

thoughts haunting the day cracking through the eyelids.

trying, i'm falling away from why it is i can't get my feet planted level with gripped fists.

crumbling inward as self is frustrated with me always pushing.

to get back to the basics is all i ever seem to make as i shut down in confusion.

it's how life has always been.

never to get ahead, no matter how much i give.

not in an individual in which i spend time.

yet in other that don't seem to give up on hard times of falling away from the comforting mind.

facts of life keep me open to one day it'll all come to an end.

yet my past is one in which the pattern must be broke for me to do more than simply fend.

it's coming and i feel it in my bones.

still i can't help feeling i'm suppose to damn near made of stone.

chipping away as my will is falling outta sync when i wanna ball up n give in.
but for some strange odd reason it appears i'm to strong to lay down and lose, instead of win.

i don't know?

fallin slowly into my final resting place, i just don't know?

standing in frame

pushin, limits have no boundaries.

givin, all n beyond for my love to unfold.

showin, how it is i know how to love.

holdin, standing in frame yet never to bold.

learnin, ways of the hearts simplicity.

warmin, feelings filling the empty pit.

livin, making memories made so pure.

wishin, all comes full circle in the seat i sit.

i feen for the moment

pants rising upward in a state of pleasure speaking without words to be spoken just wanting to get it on.

i am weak in the sense of the over whelming feeling passion that fills me as i can not seem to fight the urge to please the need live porn.

thrusting at the hits in a rocking like motion to feed the starving monster of its kill that is more than willing to play a game of who is next.
i feen for the moment of impact that two of a kind become one in an act of all out flesh on flesh feverishly heated as if there is no cure but an orgasm fused by sex.

longing to give all i am to that of another sexuality for i am as good as my qualities i have worked on that can speak for themselves.
given a chance at the title i can most definitely become more than the prior experiences one has had as i will excel.

something else

love wraps.
finger tight.
love holds.
after every fight.
love gives.
more than anything.
love smiles.
at everything.
love knows.
what it has.
love brings.
forth the bad.
love over rides.
killing the pain.
love shows face.
enjoying the rain.
love feels.
like nothing else.
love is a gift.
made for more than self.
love cares.
as if it wants.
loves desires.
to be touched.
love when expressed.
can complete two.
love has become something else.
when i found you.

interior

fiddlin inside the interior of the face in which everyone around me sees.

playin in my time with expressions hidden in between all the dreams.

i sit alone with company in which i choose to have before i switch scenes.

lost within thought cuz anything can happen behind realities unheard screams.

on the other side of the eye where no one can venture other than self as i.

closin eyes i slip away into neva neva where you jus may be in my mind.

i am the one callin the shots like a god outta control as i enjoy my find.

yet i am unable to hide the exterior jesters squeezed through a smilin grind.

driftin wind

crawlin dust simmerin. fallin n settlin. closin eyes openin. visualizin n surfacin. becomin mind bogglin. driftin particles settin. givin n realizin. cloudin thoughts disappearin. smokin dust givin in. relaxin n retrievin. findin sight surprisin. losin nor fadin. blindin acts behavin. escapin the cravin. sweepin dust liftin. exrpessin lungs deflatin. showin the fallen. growin old foldin. weepin for a weapon. clearin minds clingin. shiftin mental aggression. pickin n choosin. livin n realizin. tryin by timin. cryin cuz of lyin. emptyin numb feelins. greivin helpin relievin. endin the rainin. showerin away the stainin. sayin ones done playin. attemptin whats affectin. justifyin one stayin. relatin n acceptin. attendin n perfectin. diddlin n rhymin. dyin wind blowin. bringin the slow waitin.

learn of yourself

as long as your head is on straight and your heart does not teeter,
no one can ever break you as you never want to never mistreat her.
if your mind can relate and your heart can love without hate,
plans will follow the way you give life a shove into your very own escape.
loose yourself in the way she loves you with so much to give,
watch how things play out as life becomes something one wants to live.
become one and taste the expressions expressed in actions in her ways,
and nothing can ever come between the two of you as time fades.
listen and learn of yourself from another caring enough to teach,
as you tell all and find a friend within a lover you can reach.

lack of oxygen

i can't breath when i'm next to you. finding the air to express myself is a task. weezing i try. gasping as i kiss your lips. felling the love grab hold of my throat i fall deeper in each moment we're stuck together. idk how this is possible. i've never felt strangled with a soft touch of a hand. oxygen is very much needed, yet i'd give my last to your if your smile could live on forever. ilu MANDY! always in love, only with you.

overflowing

i can't get it out.
i feel it.
i see it.
but it wont release itself from the silent part of the mind.
i can't say a thing.
tongues tasting the flavor.
yet unspoken.
i am searching as deep as i can hold my breath.
visualized.
expressed in motion.
actions speaking out.
but i am at a loss when alone.
grabbing at hints.
dragged out of the head.
to tell my end of this tale.
i feel i can't get it out the right way.
i have it.
spread upon my lips.
giving purpose.
what is it i am trying to say?
mixed signals unable to reach the box.
sound is absent as the form it was released is misinterpreted.
re-verbalized into mumbling moans.
confused by my very own intentions.
words playing hide and seek.
poking at reality.
bouncing off the walls cluttered with still frames.
photo copied within the memory.
yet i still can not push it out.
overflowing.
i can not spit it into the wind.
sticking to my inner deliverance.
trapped deep enough beneath the communication.
i reach a helping hand.
yet it does not seem interested in being relieved.
freed....................................

feeling it

out of the minds over emotional sight
words abandoning me and faster they run.
clouding the mind and plugging the heart.
corners curving for a greater turn.

hearts gripping a hold of the yearning.
feeling it as it stays at last.
knowing i understand and accept my find.
back from somewhere lost in the past.

easing the blanker side of the wondering mind.
hearts so far past being head over heels in love.
time giving one shot at a true chance.
this should of been what never happened in was.

now involved instead of a imagined glance.
doing a little more than just fitting in.
clinging to what is and always has been considered mine.
who pushed this into me and where has this been.

falling forward we are so far behind.
past now mature, ready and arriving.
moments made to cherish the hold.
meant for the soul purpose of simply surviving.

growing together as age is showing how time makes us old.
void filled with the little fulfillment of having the one.
self has been carefully prepared to be repaired.
taking away the chill in the bone while love's having fun.

perfect

putting it all on the line.
my heart is finally level with my mind.
now seeing clearly eye to eye.
and it's about fucking time.

times truly come full circle.
setting up a perfect learning hurdle.
as my face is no longer purple.
my hearts moving faster than a turtle.

giving me because i know it's right.
this time around i need not to hide.
no questions of wondering why's.
just to simply step up and try.

i found something within me.
feening for the better part of me.
dragged so far outside of me.
losing myself within thee.

it's in the stare you ware.
upon the glare you dare.
the way you show you care.
and how we make a perfect pair.

stable in frame

been a few days gone by since i've last emptied my endless mind. draining it out into thin air in form of a man willing to do his time. thoughts building within the walls as i scrape away the oozing process. bleeding inward on thoughts brought upon by relentless open access. brain teasers scream til freed in a moment of truth or live with it. as their unable to be held in they leak from the heads centering bullshit. days past emptying thy will to keep things down and stable in frame. roaming weaknesses scatter as the shattering light places blame. creeping back inside the pockets of the brains only way to stay maintained. realism sometimes hides long enough for words to be exchanged. thinking of ways to suppress over thought out blank expressions. just to see how things play out and those who surround meet expectations.

lilly padded out

floating down stream.
lilly padded out.
smooth sailing.
stretched about.

living the life.
relaxing for a bit.
feet splashing.
as i take a look as i sit.

bobbing softly.
drifting away.
taking in the scenery.
feeling the day.

skin needing the warmth.
sun feeding my smile.
breeze on my back.
easing on by.....

as i lay and think

when after slipping away for so long past?
will two ever make it and enjoy it last.
how does one say it without a sigh?
and get it out soft enough just right.
where is the words stuttered upon?
tripping the tongues ever lost song.
why has it taken hearts so long?
seems it was misplaced lost and gone.
who is it i have longed to become?
winding up to someone their number one.
what is i had to endure as i learned?
before i had my true chance and my turn.
have i become me in a place in time?
without the option to pretend to hide.
does it begin where i stand right here?
without something i no longer fear.
can i be me with the one i call love?
i believe so as i lay and think turning in a snuggling roll.

a story of love

childhood. feeling scared yet overwhelmed in your presents.
thoughts lingered. wanting your acceptance.
disappearing into the wind. you were gone and i was left to fill in the blanks.
wondering you became a memory. you were the top of the ranks.
yrs. faded without ever knowing where you were.
i hid you deep inside. missing you as you slowly became a blur.
re-found. after time seemed to be somewhat right.
forced to give up. quietly i released you still without a fight.
time feeling lost. the last piece of a friend was gone.
inside of me. a man no longer held on strong.
months flew. coming patiently and back around.
meeting once again. frowns turned quickly upside down.
given a much needed window. we both prayed for change.
feeling done. becoming one outside our abandoned cage.
things never told. coming true to the ear through something as thin as the air.
all in the same. we once missed our chance as a pair.
now face to face. in our time to love and hold one another.
making it last. for we have found our long lost friend and lover.
a story of love. one to tell over and over for years to come.
as we both kept it inside. bringing to a head that we are indeed the one.
we stare into eyes. knowing we feel the same way somehow.
living a love so pure. from way back then to the presence of now.
craving for some odd reason. not knowing why the urge to want pounds away.
the heart knows what it wants. and love has it playing music day by day.

i am overflowing

you are filling me in a way i can feel how i was so fucking empty inside for years, looking back into the past and wondering why in the hell i never found you as my one.
it does not matter if you are here beside me or miles away in some distant land, you made an impression and i can feel you as if you have crawled inside me and made yourself a home.
i am overflowing
blank for so long i sat inside of me thinking where do i belong in a time where i just can not seem to get it or even fit in, finding me is a hard task to be worth the while.
to have you touch me with out feeling me upon my skin soothes the human within like no one has ever known until now, as i have fallen deep within your smile.
i am overflowing
the hearts dancing with the mind as you come across thy thoughts of a happier love being shared, i found mine within you after feeling like the moon chasing down the sun.
always one step behind i have been where you have stepped, catching up you have crept in and release me from my very own sheltered shell to finally have a little fun.
i am overflowing
i have been given life after giving up on a thought of you ever looking my way, beside myself in a way love has taken full control of every once this longing pitiful ol fool.
you have become that missing link i desired for years parished without one an other, as we both were stuck with the where in the back of our minds of what ever happened to??
i am overflowing

connecting

when we get close enough that space has become contact. connecting what the heart is saying silently through the vibes pulsating upon the chest. understanding every beat felt as air escapes from between our love. when the vibes bounce like ripples across the skin. trying to reach one another as if fate has found its true way. there is no helping craving hearts feeling the shock waves of the emotions expressed. losing control of the inner individual exploding inside for the sounds of a flawless love is un-describable. as we fall deeper for us and become one in our time of having that one. ilu MANDY!

seeping from our souls

time must have stood still long enough to realize it screwed up long ago with us. never giving in to a love that was meant to be as if we were over looked. i wonder what it felt when we were given this chance and said ilu for the first time. feeling more than the meaning behind the definition of the word and the way it has completed what the love inside our hearts is truly about. drifting off in long stares and lost within each others eyes as they connect. releasing the knowing of true love as it seeps from our souls with a touch of forever to come. finding a friendship that speaks without words. i am deeply madly and crazy in love with you.

questions of if

if their was no tomorrow, what would be your last thoughts of me?
if tonight was all you had, how is it you'd want to have me?
if a moment shared was all we had left, do you think it mean more?
if once upon a time came to it's dying end, where inside you would i be stored?
if life had passed us by, do you think it was worth every second held?
if that day were here, how fast do you think we'd do it all over again and melt?
if yesterday told a story of love, what do you believe it speak of us?
if we got lost and time slipped away, would you want it back for the sake of love?
if today were the last we stared into on an others eyes, would you die inside?
if all this were true and you'd be on your way, is it your feelings you'd hide?
if this thing is on a collision course, would you try and prevent it?
if and only if a love was meant to be felt like this, should we sit back and enjoy it?

expression

g: i love you as high as the sky and deep as the sea.

b: i feel you deeper than i've ever felt you in a dream.

g: u make me the happiest woman ever!

b: you're my sails and my endless flight of feather.

g: Your my dream come true.

b: plucked from a sleepless desire you touch my roots.

g: I catch myself falling deeper in love with you everyday.

b: lost in precious moments of us growing old and gray.

g: I can't wait til the day I can look you in your eyes and say, "I do."

b: me for the better of you as this love has began to brew.

livin a dream

layin down to dream of my dream with my dream layin beside me. i fall into dream land where my dream is awaitin in a dream. dreamin dreamy things only a dream will allow one to do. my dreams bend for my mind to drift in n outta dreams where my dream plays hide n seek. deep sleep dreamin along side a dream within a dream i lay with a smile outside my dream. lost in a dream settin made for two my dream of dreams is comin true. slowly findin the reality on the other side of my inner dreams. i dreamed a dream. n wake in the same dream n live it all the same. my dream is no dream. eyes open i walk next to my dream. touch a dream worth pullin from the nights mind easin as a dreamer. float n fly away within a dream with my dream goin anywhere my dream will take us. i luv my dream. my dream gives meanin to a dream come true. dreamin or not. my long lived dream dreams of me when a dream is to be dreamed. dreamin of me as i dream of the best dream i ever had. jus to rise from the dream we dreamed n embrace the same dream from our dreams. livin a dream.

soundless patience

i think back when i may of forgotten who i was.
running from the centering sweet spot where there was no more love.
chasing down a life better than the one i had before.
i believe i have forgotten where i stood as me as i walked out the door.
gone for years past gone too damn long.
trying to find a home somewhere else in time as it appears i was wrong.
i crept out on myself deep in the nights silence.
set on auto pilot, lost and testing every once of my soundless patience.
i put this life i hold out in the wind.
every corner i turned it seemed i could never give in let alone win.
i forgot me in the mix of finding my way.
losing me slowly enough as the softest of touch left me feeling like a stray.
walking away i approached another direction.
step by step i wondered into the same ol shit with the same ol misguided intentions.
falling forward yet leaning towards my past.
everyday seems to be the same and i wondered how long can it possibly last.
losing self is the hardest thing i have ever done.
as lesson on my motionless path of confusion has me in a daze with my one.

slinging poo

empty heads feeding pitiful words falling from choking mouths in loveless hate.
words spoken to cut form within a hollow mind gone mad on its own irritated fate.
slobbering drool spit without direction for anyone to notice and give attention.
tasting their own foolish lies built inside a rotten core made of self stimulating infliction.
unable to bite tongues and save face before gaining the respect of missing friends lost.
as if it matters what anyone else thinks as overflowing filth is being tossed.
thrown at the world like a monkey slinging poo with great excitement.
sitting back with blank stares after all said and done plotting their next act of enticement.